Blah!

[Abomination]

Hi everyone,

 

This is my first post. I hate pouring myself out and asking for "emotional support," or whatever you might call it, but here I am, in my darkest hour.

 

I was with a girl for 5+ years, and was/am in love with her. At one point in our relationship, my dad got sick, and she and I grew apart. We saw less and less of each other. However, we were still connected, still more than just people who happened to know one another; more than just friends.

 

One day, she came clean to me, telling me she had "accidentally" slept with another guy at a party. She said she was drunk and didn't know what had happened. I appreciated the fact that she had the balls to tell me this, and I decided to just swallow the negativity and continue on, with her.

 

As it turns out, I couldn't deal with what had happened, and I called it quits with her. We went our separate ways. After some time, she found a new boyfriend, with whom she even moved in together. We had NO contact.

 

Months went by, even a whole year, I believe. She came back to me saying her mom had passed. I talked to her as best as I knew how, offering financial help, as well as emotional support. We talked somewhat regularly after that, but eventually our contact faded again. She would contact me here and there, and one time revealed to me that she had split with the aforementioned guy.

 

Then things got quiet again.

 

A few weeks back, we happened to be on IM at the same time. She initiated a conversation, we talked. It was fun to flirt with her. At the end of our online conversation, she called me up, and we talked more, late into the night. Her Grandma had died, she told me. Again, I offered support while she cried into my ear.

 

After that, I texted her probably every day, asking how she was, and paying her compliments. The other day I decided to stop. I told her she could call me any time she would like, I'd be here. She has not contacted me in about a week. The reason I decided to stop initiating the conversation is that I feel like she only comes to me when something is wrong. However, she has said many times that she would "drop everything to be with [me]," and yet, she gives off these mixed signals, as in, she comes back to me, we have a great time, then things get cold again.

 

I apologize for my first post being a stupid rant. I don't expect anyone to reply or anything... I already know the answer to my dilemma anyway. "Stop contacting/replying to her, and move on!" It's very hard, though. I met her a long time ago, she was my first. I would do anything for her.

 

I hate being this vulnerable, hence my decision to post to a forum where no one knows who I am.

 

Anyhow, thanks for reading, if you made it this far. I just needed to get this crap out of my head.

 

- A

[fetish]

You're right to feel the way you feel. I know its hard but i would step back a little and see how things come together at the end. I know how easy it is to let your s/o wrap you around their finger. Next time she comes to you with a problem, tell her how you feel. Ask her if she only sees you as a shoulder to cry on. Put her on the spot and lay all the cards on the table.

 

Me personally, i wouldn't make myself so available seeing how she messed up in the past. Accidently sleeping with another guy? Well, if she been more responsible she would had never put herself in a situation like that.

Making yourself availble, you tend to get taken for granted. I think that's what she was doing when you guys were together and she's kind of doing that now.

[justine4]

OP, fetish is correct. Tell her exactly how you feel about her only contacting you when something is going wrong.

 

Another way of looking at it could be that when something does go wrong its a physical excuse for her to contact you.

[TrustInYourself]

Read actions not words. You are showing her how you feel, make it clear by telling her.

 

Good luck with that.

[Abomination]

Thanks for your replies guys.

 

I'm gonna take your advice and tell her what's up.

 

- A