poppie Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 I am new to these boards so please be gentle. It's a very long sorry, I just want another persons thoughts as I am so confused After 5 and a half years my partner has just broken my heart by announcing that he doesn’t know whether he wants to spend the rest of his life with me (he did) and that he has been a bit unhappy for a couple of months. He is in the Royal Navy and has never actually lived with me or my children properly only weekends and holidays. The plan had always been that when my youngest finished school in 2 years I would go and live where he is based and we would buy a house. After much soul searching it was my decision to call it a day as I felt there was no other option, I could not live week to week wondering if he knew whether he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me yet especially as he spends time away at sea. He agreed and 30 minutes after the conversation started he had gathered his stuff and was out the door with both of us in tears. I don’t think he would have suggested going our separate ways though as he just sat there until I made the decision. It has just all happened so quickly, I am shocked, one minute we were discussing what to get for a takeaway the next minute he was gone. I don’t even know how the conversation went from what we were getting for dinner to that subject of our relationship, on Friday we were even discussing booking our holiday for next year. I am absolutely heartbroken; inside i feel i am dying and do not know what way to turn. I love him with all my heart and honestly thought we would be together forever, my children idolise him. I never even thought there was a problem, everything seemed normal he rang every night just as he has for the last 5 and a half years unless he was at sea and always seemed happy to be back of a weekend. He says he loves me and I am the best thing that has ever happened to him but doesn’t know what changed; he doesn’t know what he wants. I rang him yesterday the day after it all happened (I know I shouldn’t have) just to try and get my head round it all. There were no tears I just needed to try and understand what went wrong. I asked what would have happened if the conversation had never got onto our relationship?? I said I would have been none the wiser that he was unhappy and he would have just come back in a month’s time (he is going to sea for a month) as normal. His answer was that he probably would have been ok by then. What sort of answer is that? It left me wishing to god that we had never even discussed our relationship. I asked him if this is what he really wants and he said he thinks so. I will not contact him anymore as there is no more to say but I just feel so desperate and absolutely gutted. Of course this evening was just awful as he always rings around 7ish and knowing he wouldn't just killed me. How on earth am i going to get through this?
Jasmine777 Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 I went through a similar experience as you. My ex boyfriend of six years all of a sudden did not know if he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me therefore he told me that he wanted to just be friends. So I decided to just be friends for a while as he went through this "stage." So as we were friends he was out trying to find someone new. I was there for him through thick and thin and I loved him unconditionally yet he did not appreciate that and he left. He found someone new. All I can say is be very leery of a man who says that they cannot spend their whole life with you or they want to be friends because that usually means that they want someone new. As painful as that may seem, I lived through it and was in denial. I thought oh geez he is just confused but he took off with someone new! It was a surprise to me! We broke up in January and I have dated a little here and there but guess what, I am completely over it now. I was sad, thought I would not survive it but I did! I feel at complete peace now with myself. I think you will survive just fine, just be strong and pray. God will answer your prayers he wants you to reach out and ask for his help. I prayed and prayed and now I am at peace, I couldn't do it without God! Just pray that the RIGHT guy enter your life and it will happen. Stay strong!
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