northstar1 Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 We recently brought things to a close between us. She is off working abroad for an undefined period of time at this point. We both knew that trying to maintain a long distance relationship with such uncertainty just was not possible, or healthy for either of us. So, we decided to break off contact. She needs to enjoy her adventures unfettered - and I need to move on with my life. Things ended because of distance and circumstance - not for lack of feelings and respect and love - which is making it all that much harder to heal so far. Since our final chat recently, we've had no contact. However, I have a lot of things I wanted to say to her to get off my chest, that I didn't on the phone (nerves etc) - and really just let her know how special a person she is and how she impacted my life. I realize it wont' have any effect on the outcome. She's still far away, - but for some reason, I get think saying these things in an email will help me. I don't expect she'll reply, and so I'm not setting myself up. Thoughts? Should I just keep these things to myself and keep up the NC?
mollers Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 Hi there. I personally wouldn't. I'm sure she knows exactly how you feel about her already. I think I would maintain NC as it will help you in the long run. Just my thoughts for what they are worth. Look after number one right now.
kizik Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 There is always more to say. After you send this email, you'll think of other things you wanted to say, but forgot to. I don't see it ending, unless you decide you've had enough communication with someone who having a R with is not possible. Obviously I understand the desire to send an email (duh, read my threads). But your cognative brain is saying, "I know nothing can come of this, I don't expect anything, etc... but I can f*cking guarantee you that your HEART wants her to reply with an "I love you, can't we give this another chance." To me, it sounds like you've done a lot already in regards to trying to achieve closure. I hadn't, and therefore sent a quick, emotionless email which I'm not sure if I regret or not. The more you put yourself out there, the more hurt you allow yourself to get. If you send it, you'll be checking that Inbox like a maniac. I promise you. Do you want to go through that, North? Or let it be, and focus on moving on without her, even though you love her? PS. Since she IS going through these exciting life changes as we discussed, she may even resent you for not letting her go about her life, i.e., you writing her could piss her off. Just a thought. The more you let go, the fonder she will think of you. Not that that matters, really; it's just nice to end things on a sweet, peaceful note, I guess.
Author northstar1 Posted June 16, 2008 Author Posted June 16, 2008 There is always more to say. After you send this email, you'll think of other things you wanted to say, but forgot to. I don't see it ending, unless you decide you've had enough communication with someone who having a R with is not possible. Obviously I understand the desire to send an email (duh, read my threads). But your cognative brain is saying, "I know nothing can come of this, I don't expect anything, etc... but I can f*cking guarantee you that your HEART wants her to reply with an "I love you, can't we give this another chance." To me, it sounds like you've done a lot already in regards to trying to achieve closure. I hadn't, and therefore sent a quick, emotionless email which I'm not sure if I regret or not. The more you put yourself out there, the more hurt you allow yourself to get. If you send it, you'll be checking that Inbox like a maniac. I promise you. Do you want to go through that, North? Or let it be, and focus on moving on without her, even though you love her? PS. Since she IS going through these exciting life changes as we discussed, she may even resent you for not letting her go about her life, i.e., you writing her could piss her off. Just a thought. The more you let go, the fonder she will think of you. Not that that matters, really; it's just nice to end things on a sweet, peaceful note, I guess. See Kiz, this is what I'm talking about - you always have good advice man I know I shouldn't send anything at all, so I'm gonna just sit on it for a few days.
Author northstar1 Posted June 16, 2008 Author Posted June 16, 2008 Hi there. I personally wouldn't. I'm sure she knows exactly how you feel about her already. I think I would maintain NC as it will help you in the long run. Just my thoughts for what they are worth. Look after number one right now. Thanks Mollers - that is the right advice, just tough to swallow.
Kamille Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 My ex and I broke up because of distance, undefined period of time too, and we have been in touch. I contacted him at one point saying I now better understood the reasons he chose to break things off and that I thanked him for all the beautiful moments we shared. He reciprocated. We called each other on our birthdays (one day apart) and we haven't exchanged anything since then. The odd thing? It really was closure for me. It really helped me move on. I don't know about him. He seemed to still be struggling, or perhaps he was trying to keep me hanging on. I guess only you know the consequences of sending that email. Did I check my email like a manic after sending it? Yes. Did I have a setback? no. All I could advise is that you hold off contact until you yourself feel steady and stable.
Author northstar1 Posted June 16, 2008 Author Posted June 16, 2008 My ex and I broke up because of distance, undefined period of time too, and we have been in touch. I contacted him at one point saying I now better understood the reasons he chose to break things off and that I thanked him for all the beautiful moments we shared. He reciprocated. We called each other on our birthdays (one day apart) and we haven't exchanged anything since then. The odd thing? It really was closure for me. It really helped me move on. I don't know about him. He seemed to still be struggling, or perhaps he was trying to keep me hanging on. I guess only you know the consequences of sending that email. Did I check my email like a manic after sending it? Yes. Did I have a setback? no. All I could advise is that you hold off contact until you yourself feel steady and stable. Thanks Kamille - if i can ask - how long after you broke up and stopped talking, did you send the note? How long did it take you to move on? I'm still thinking about it. There are things I still want her to know, that I was never able to tell her when we were dating - and just what she meant to me and some fond memories I have. However, it might be too soon to do that.
Kamille Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 Thanks Kamille - if i can ask - how long after you broke up and stopped talking, did you send the note? How long did it take you to move on? I'm still thinking about it. There are things I still want her to know, that I was never able to tell her when we were dating - and just what she meant to me and some fond memories I have. However, it might be too soon to do that. We broke up mid-April and I sent the note at the end of May, so about 6 weeks. We were only together for 6-7 months, but were joined at the hip for those 6-7 months. I moved on pretty fast. I have been heartbroken three times before and I know one thing: it gets better, and you learn a lot, about yourself, what you want and love. I think this explains why I moved on fast. The fact that he was no longer around, and that there isn't a possibility for us to be in the same city anytime soon also helped make me realize how final the break up was (it hurt like hell at first, but once I accepted it, I found it made things way easier to focus on rebuilding my own life.)
Author northstar1 Posted June 17, 2008 Author Posted June 17, 2008 We broke up mid-April and I sent the note at the end of May, so about 6 weeks. We were only together for 6-7 months, but were joined at the hip for those 6-7 months. I moved on pretty fast. I have been heartbroken three times before and I know one thing: it gets better, and you learn a lot, about yourself, what you want and love. I think this explains why I moved on fast. The fact that he was no longer around, and that there isn't a possibility for us to be in the same city anytime soon also helped make me realize how final the break up was (it hurt like hell at first, but once I accepted it, I found it made things way easier to focus on rebuilding my own life.) That's great you were able to move on so fast. I hope to be there soon. I just need to finally accept that she isn't gonna be back here any time soon, and that pretty much means I need to not even worry about any "What ifs" and just move on with life.
Kamille Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 yeah I didn't get a bad case of what-ifs in this break-up, mostly because we were always so honest and respectful of each other that I really felt we had given it all that we had. I still get moments when I just really miss snuggling up to him. I still think about him every day, but the memories are no longer riped with torture, sadness and anger. Now it's more appreciative and nostalgic.
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