Sw3etdev1L Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 I had five dates with a boy during oneee month. we kissed in the third date...after the fifth date, I call him to see why hasn't he called. And he says "Oh I was going to call you because I wanted to talk to you. But I wanted to ask you out to say this to you" and I was like, "why don't you say what you want right now?", he said..:" Oh, it's cause I believe there's attraction and u are really cute, but I just feel you are too nice and there's nothing in common between us"...I was like " Look, you don't really know me, you have gone out with me only five times, how do you even know if I am too nice or not by just knowing me for so little?"....and well he said...."but sometimes there are friends who turn into something else or, you can always be somebody's free". and I was like, yeah......sure.. well, nice to meet you, bye!!!. I mean, "too nice??? how does he come up with that sh..t in five dates??" and...he wanted to ask me out to reject me?? hehe... what do you think about that?
Geishawhelk Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 What's that rather cruel joke.... "How can you tell when a man is lying? ...His lips move......."
Pluto Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 He is spineless and he span the old line of "you're fantastic, but you are too nice". There is no such thing as too nice, there isn't enough nice-ness in this world. He's just not interested, time to move on and its his loss.
Jilly Bean Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 It most likely isn't that you are too nice, but something else. He was taking the path of least resistence in rejecting you, and was trying to spin it to leave it on a positive. Like saying, "you're too smart for me, you're too beautiful for me", etc. No one likes hurting someone else. He was doing his best to end it gently.
Suiyobi Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 Lol he rejected you because you're "too nice"? Wow, either that guy's a masochist or he hasn't had his brain checked. Drop him, you're better off with someone else.
Author Sw3etdev1L Posted June 17, 2008 Author Posted June 17, 2008 I love this site because strangers see things from such a cold point of view that...u guys really end up being the best counselers.
Le_Confused Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 I ended up in a similar situation two years ago... Turns out the guy had slept with at least 1/3 of my graduating class.. dated only for only 2 weeks, but didn't "know what he wanted" and "didn't want to hurt me, I'm too nice" I think 'Too nice' is kind of a lame line. Guys need to suck it up and come up with something new, like the truth. Wow I'm bitter today... lol
Jasmine777 Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 Is it typical for a guy to say oh I will call you on Friday, blah blah blah and then not call you? What if things that seemed to be going well go somewhat sour? Is it possible for something soooooo good to burn out so fast? The guy I had been dating was wonderfuL! We went on many romantic lovely dates for two weeks. He was talking about our future together and that I was the one and all of a sudden it feels like things have fizzled. What would make something fizzle especially if he was the one who came on soooo strong? It is kind of sad because I really started to like this guy and now I feel like if I want to talk to him I have to call him. He was the only one who called me now the tables have turned and I have no clue as to why!! He was crazy about me, what on earth could have made him change his mind? Does anyone have a clue? Do guys ever text or call back just to be nice?
the_blur Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 I feel like if I want to talk to him I have to call him. Captain obvious must have done a number on you eh? Yeah I would say if you want to talk to someone on the telephone, calling them (on the telephone) is a good way of achieving that goal Also: If after 5 dates, I get busy at work or whatever and a girl didn't call me back, I would let it fizzle out (she's not interested / feelings are not mutual). My advice: Call him and see if he's ok. His mother could have passed away or his brother been diagnosed with cancer for all you know.
xpaperxcutx Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 Too nice? Too nice?!!!! Okay so from now on we should just be bitchy and demanding and mean... oh wait, isn't that what guys don't want us to be? Contradicting creatures the male counterparts are.
I am who I am Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 It most likely isn't that you are too nice, but something else. He was taking the path of least resistence in rejecting you, and was trying to spin it to leave it on a positive. Like saying, "you're too smart for me, you're too beautiful for me", etc. No one likes hurting someone else. He was doing his best to end it gently. To the OP... this is the answer. he wanted to ask me out to reject me?? hehe... what do you think about that?You called him... he was trying his best to let you down easy (ie, no contact). Not every encounter with another person turns into something "magical". After only 5 dates, why do you think he owes you anything, moreless a reason not to see you again? May I recommend a great book... From your other posts, you are around 23 or so... This book will help you now and in the future. http://www.amazon.com/Hes-Just-That-Into-Understanding/dp/068987474X
D-Lish Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 Is it typical for a guy you've had five dates with to go missing in action? I'd say it's a fact of life for most of us to experience such a thing. After 5 dates, you don't really know him at all. Most people can give you a really good false impression after that short a time...it happens. I don't suspect he views you as being too nice- I suspect he is letting you down easy.... actually wanting to set up a time to meet and talk about breaking up are things that a good guy might actually do. It would be worse if you had no explanation at all and he just stopped hanging and never called again. I'd say- repsect him for having the balls to actually tell you it isn't working out. I'd say that is rare. Most people slink away or shy away from confrontation. Maybe an ex came back- he just felt overwhelmed... or he just isn't feeling romatic, regardless- he told you and gave you closure. That's more stand up than some of the men I have dated! It's hurtful- because no one wants to get dumped... but he seems as honest as you're going to get from him. Now it's up to you to say "ok"...I'm going to move on too. You can't convince him of anything - he's made his choice. If this was a scene from Grease, we could dress you up like "evil sexy" Olivia newton John and do a montage that shows him you can be the bad girl he seeks.... but life isn't a movie and I don't have a leather suit to lend you. Hairspray...yes- but not the suit. I don't think he's a bad guy- he wouldnt have wanted a face to face to break up if he was. So many guys (and girls) just walk away, leaving the dumpee in turmoil with closure issues. He cared enough to make sure you didn't feel bad. Being told your a really nice girl but I can't see us together is a a gently orchestrated respectful break up. Walking away would have been the cowards way out. Sometimes when we end a relationship we take away so many of the negative experiences of the heartbreak- that usually happens when closer isn't an option. he did give the opportunity for closure here... so see it as a positive- that even though he didn't feel the romatic side of things- he cared ebough to be honest with you. I think it's just a matter of- hey- I think you are nice- just not the right match for me. That's not being mean or decietful... and it does give you the proper mindset to move on without the drama of being ignored with no explanations. Thus leading you to doubt yourself. It will be easier in the long run to be broken up with in this way- trust me. Nothing worse than the dreaded 'everything was great and then he disappeared!!! I am heartbroken and obsessing over what i did wrong! Now I have a life long sentence of angst and unresolved issues!". It won't hurt less in the short term- because being rejected sucks. But it still feels better to be rejected by someone who obviously cares enough to explain to you that he feels the need to move on. It's still going to be hurtful- but you have less to dwell on than others who get abandoned without explanation. I would have felt 10 times better and gotten over my relationships sooner if someone told me I was too nice. Be glad you come off as being too nice- so many men appreciate that quality... I just want you to try and think of this differently! If he can't handle someone that is too nice- that is obviously his problem. Being too nice shouldn't affect your self esteem as profoundly as being a horrible person, untrustworthy, or crazy.... I am sorry this didn't work out. many guys really do like nice girls!
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