Jump to content

My new(born again Christian) sort of Girlfriend is really getting on my nerves!

Balthazar

By Balthazar
in Dating

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

Dark-N-Romantic Established Member

Dark-N-Romantic

Posted
Posted

If she is a follower and is seriously trying to live up to the Word of God, she isn't going to place her spiritual walk in danger by engaging in acts that might lead to fornication. I am the same way. Yes we may have fornicated and in some instances enjoyed it, but the fact that the risk to our eternal spirits and the eternal pleasures of the hear after is NOT worth a few moments of pleasures down here.

 

All you can do is either support her, don't try to seduce her into doing what is wrong, and be there or be honest, let her know this is not what you are looking for and move on, there are plenty of fornicating women in the world.

 

 

DNR

mental_traveller Established Member

mental_traveller

Posted
Posted

My personal opinion is that it's utter insanity to expect something serious to work out if someone is really into their religion and you are not of the same beliefs and conviction. Secondly, if you haven't even kissed on the lips after 5 dates, then the physical chemistry probably isn't there either.

 

I'd say unless she gives you mind-blowing sex and says you've seduced her away from Jesus, you are unlikely to be compatible as a couple.

SugarKiss Established Member

SugarKiss

Posted
Posted
My personal opinion is that it's utter insanity to expect something serious to work out if someone is really into their religion and you are not of the same beliefs and conviction. Secondly, if you haven't even kissed on the lips after 5 dates, then the physical chemistry probably isn't there either.

 

I'd say unless she gives you mind-blowing sex and says you've seduced her away from Jesus, you are unlikely to be compatible as a couple.

 

 

I agree. religious people should seek their own kind it can't work with non religious people we have different goals, and waiting around in a eunuch state to consumate a relationship after marriage is NOT a part of my reality. sorry.

 

 

If she is a follower and is seriously trying to live up to the Word of God, she isn't going to place her spiritual walk in danger by engaging in acts that might lead to fornication. I am the same way. Yes we may have fornicated and in some instances enjoyed it, but the fact that the risk to our eternal spirits and the eternal pleasures of the hear after is NOT worth a few moments of pleasures down here.

 

so when do you "fornicate" then!?!?

the_blur Member

the_blur

Posted
Posted
Yes we may have fornicated and in some instances enjoyed it, but the fact that the risk to our eternal spirits and the eternal pleasures of the hear after is NOT worth a few moments of pleasures down here.

 

See? These people are like Martians, the best thing you can do is RUN (not walk) the other way. Religion is a poison and religious people think sex is evil and dirty. This is not a way to have a healthy sexual relationship and their divorce rate proves that. It really does mess people up and the more serious they are about it the worse they get ...

 

That being said, I think this may be a case where she perhaps got dumped and really isn't over it yet, either way, if I were you I would've jetted at no kiss on date #2.

 

I expect a kiss on date 1, a nice make out session on date 2 and the works on date 3, neither of us is getting any younger and if there is chemistry that should not be a problem.

 

If a girl takes longer than that to respond to my advances, it's a sign that there's a problem (she's not into me).

Geishawhelk Established Member

Geishawhelk

Posted
Posted

No, I disagree. It could be 20 dates later. Providing this is both clear and acceptable to both parties....

There is no "must do this by such-and-such-a-date" in relationships, but liaisons should proceed in a healthy enough way to be able to develop into something more meaningful, with neither partner feeling obligated, pressured or compelled to do anything they're not comfortable with, or to be pressured by the kind of "Well, everybody else does it!" type of message.....

 

This takes communication, and maturity.

 

If a person doesn't transmit what they want, (as Joanne clearly hasn't) then you can't blame the other person for being confused, unsure and ultimately, distinctly dissuaded from going any further....

  • Author
Balthazar Established Member

Balthazar

Posted
  • Author
Posted
If she is a follower and is seriously trying to live up to the Word of God, she isn't going to place her spiritual walk in danger by engaging in acts that might lead to fornication. I am the same way.

DNR

 

She is religious DNR but I'm not sure she is quite that pious. I think she just turned to the church after her breakup in 2004(She found out on her wedding day that her hubby to be was having a relationship with one of the bridesmaids...). Wedding flew apart...

  • Author
Balthazar Established Member

Balthazar

Posted
  • Author
Posted

That being said, I think this may be a case where she perhaps got dumped and really isn't over it yet, either way, if I were you I would've jetted at no kiss on date #2.

 

I expect a kiss on date 1, a nice make out session on date 2 and the works on date 3, neither of us is getting any younger and if there is chemistry that should not be a problem.

 

If a girl takes longer than that to respond to my advances, it's a sign that there's a problem (she's not into me).

 

 

While there is a logic to what you say, I think it is dangerous to apply it to every situation.

Not all people, men or women, work at such paces Blur.

I have been in a relationship where kissing occurred on the third date but sex came about a month after.

  • Author
Balthazar Established Member

Balthazar

Posted
  • Author
Posted
No, I disagree. It could be 20 dates later. Providing this is both clear and acceptable to both parties....

 

If a person doesn't transmit what they want, (as Joanne clearly hasn't) then you can't blame the other person for being confused, unsure and ultimately, distinctly dissuaded from going any further....

 

I agree Geisha with your points.

 

I didn't mind going slowly with Joanne(within reason).

But when she told me that she never tried to make the relationship work I snapped.

 

To me, it is prideful in the extreme to say such things, and it is much worse than just accepting that the relationship is not working.

 

So yes, her words dissuaded me from pursuing anything further with her or even making any sort of opening yesterday when we met.

Is this exactly what she wanted?

It most probably is.

carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
Posted

So, is Maria single?

 

BTW, this isn't the same tag team that you were playing with a month or two ago, is it? The "I'm real busy with finals (or something)" team....

 

In any event, enough analysis, IMO; even I, the master of over-analyzing, was starting to grind my teeth :D

  • Author
Balthazar Established Member

Balthazar

Posted
  • Author
Posted
So, is Maria single?

 

BTW, this isn't the same tag team that you were playing with a month or two ago, is it? The "I'm real busy with finals (or something)" team....

 

In any event, enough analysis, IMO; even I, the master of over-analyzing, was starting to grind my teeth :D

 

Maria(our common friend) is newly married(January) and expecting her first child....

 

Concerning the previous team; no they were other women. One of them(the finals student is back in the picture)

 

As for over-analyzing, where would LS be without it?:)

bentnotbroken Established Member

bentnotbroken

Posted
Posted

 

If you like her go for it already, once before she puts you in the "just friends" category you are toast. It sounds like you are letting her religious beliefs hinder your romantic pass at her. Try it, she is not that saintly, othewise she would not be out drinking with you all the time.

 

 

Do you think that because we are Christians that we don't drink or go out to have fun? :lmao: Boy do you have it wrong.

bentnotbroken Established Member

bentnotbroken

Posted
Posted
Good for you brother. There's plenty of other fish in the sea. Try to find the non-crazy fish. Atheists have the lowest divorce rates (and crime rates) btw. Just sayin. Religious girls in general are a pain, you made the right decision imo because she will always love her imaginary friend (god) more than you and you deserve better than that.

 

Cheers.

 

 

Thank God for my imaginary friend.:)

bentnotbroken Established Member

bentnotbroken

Posted
Posted
See? These people are like Martians, the best thing you can do is RUN (not walk) the other way. Religion is a poison and religious people think sex is evil and dirty. This is not a way to have a healthy sexual relationship and their divorce rate proves that. It really does mess people up and the more serious they are about it the worse they get ...

 

That being said, I think this may be a case where she perhaps got dumped and really isn't over it yet, either way, if I were you I would've jetted at no kiss on date #2.

 

I expect a kiss on date 1, a nice make out session on date 2 and the works on date 3, neither of us is getting any younger and if there is chemistry that should not be a problem.

 

If a girl takes longer than that to respond to my advances, it's a sign that there's a problem (she's not into me).

 

 

Actually we enjoy sex, within the constuct of God's Word. Sex is a goooood thing. I don't know where you get your info, but you are way off base.

SugarKiss Established Member

SugarKiss

Posted
Posted
Actually we enjoy sex, within the constuct of God's Word. Sex is a goooood thing. I don't know where you get your info, but you are way off base.

 

 

:rolleyes:

 

uhhhm... maybe they got it from here:

 

If she is a follower and is seriously trying to live up to the Word of God, she isn't going to place her spiritual walk in danger by engaging in acts that might lead to fornication. I am the same way. Yes we may have fornicated and in some instances enjoyed it, but the fact that the risk to our eternal spirits and the eternal pleasures of the hear after is NOT worth a few moments of pleasures down here.

 

All you can do is either support her, don't try to seduce her into doing what is wrong, and be there or be honest, let her know this is not what you are looking for and move on, there are plenty of fornicating women in the world.

 

 

DNR

 

 

Bentnotbroken:

 

and what does "enojoying sex withing the constuct (I assume you meant "construct") of god's word" mean exactly!?!? sounds like a fancy way of saying we don't have sex unless god tells me to.

 

 

and to quote Mahatma Gandhi

 

" I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."

carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
Posted
Maria(our common friend) is newly married(January) and expecting her first child....

 

Concerning the previous team; no they were other women. One of them(the finals student is back in the picture)

 

As for over-analyzing, where would LS be without it?:)

Thanks. FWIW, I'm thinking Balthazar needs to get laid, so let's analyze how to get him there :D

 

Regarding the interceding posts about Christians and sex, yeah, I waited until 35 to have sex and didn't really miss much and, even at that point, hadn't met a compatible woman. If I had, I'm sure I would have had sex and gotten married much earlier. My passion for the religion part is likely not the same as for some here, but I do understand and respect the philosophy.

 

OK, -zar, next introduction :)

  • Author
Balthazar Established Member

Balthazar

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Actually carhill, you are way off.

The reason I was bothered with what happened with Joanne is because I felt very special around her.

As a single man, getting laid was never the problem.

After the breakup of my relationship last summer, I had been living the life of a single bachelor,with all the benefits and the drawbacks.

 

In Joanne, I saw the chance to maybe start something serious again.

 

SO, unfortunately getting laid will not make it right.

 

BUT, if you can arrange it, I will partake of any attractive's lady's pecan pie.;)

 

As for the posts about religion, I am a Christian myself(if not a practicing one).

 

Are born again or practicing Christians different from us?

Yes, I believe they are, but I have absolutely no problem with that; and I had no problem with any of Joanne's beliefs or habits.

 

CHeers,

bentnotbroken Established Member

bentnotbroken

Posted
Posted
:rolleyes:

 

uhhhm... maybe they got it from here:

 

 

 

 

Bentnotbroken:

 

and what does "enojoying sex withing the constuct (I assume you meant "construct") of god's word" mean exactly!?!? sounds like a fancy way of saying we don't have sex unless god tells me to.

 

 

and to quote Mahatma Gandhi

 

" I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."

 

 

 

You're right I meant construct:o. It means according to the guidelines of His Word. God already laid out his plan for sex. I would be lying to you if I said that I don't want to be with someone(I am human)but what is best for me is within marriage. I did the whole "I like you, let's get freaky thing" in my younger years. So I know the "tingles" well. After I found my way back to God, those things don't seem so important to me anymore. I don't know what the young lady you were seeing is going through, but I would imagine she is trying to reconcile her faith and the world. It is a hard balancing act.

bentnotbroken Established Member

bentnotbroken

Posted
Posted

 

 

and to quote Mahatma Gandhi

 

" I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."

 

 

 

This is so true. Most Christians you can't tell if they don't say it. Rather sad. We aren't just supposed to say the words but live them. So there is no question. That is a daily battle that we should be making progress on daily.( I pray that I am and it shows.)

  • Author
Balthazar Established Member

Balthazar

Posted
  • Author
Posted
You're right I meant construct:o. It means according to the guidelines of His Word. God already laid out his plan for sex. I would be lying to you if I said that I don't want to be with someone(I am human)but what is best for me is within marriage. I did the whole "I like you, let's get freaky thing" in my younger years. So I know the "tingles" well. After I found my way back to God, those things don't seem so important to me anymore. I don't know what the young lady you were seeing is going through, but I would imagine she is trying to reconcile her faith and the world. It is a hard balancing act.

 

I really don't think I got in the way of her relationship with God and Jesus.

bentnotbroken Established Member

bentnotbroken

Posted
Posted
I really don't think I got in the way of her relationship with God and Jesus.

 

 

I don't know. From what you wrote, it doesn't appear you did. But, what is actually going on with her internally or spiritually, maybe just to confusing to deal with. Don't you want to be with someone who is sure? She doesn't have herself figured out, it would stand to reason that she can't figure out a relationship either.

carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
Posted
As a single man, getting laid was never the problem.

After the breakup of my relationship last summer, I had been living the life of a single bachelor,with all the benefits and the drawbacks.

 

In Joanne, I saw the chance to maybe start something serious again.

 

SO, unfortunately getting laid will not make it right.

 

OK, help me understand why the women you've been intimate with since your last R didn't have R potential for you. What was the "special" part that made Joanne different?

 

I think I know what you're getting at, but want to hear a clear perspective instead of my projecting any more hu ha ;)

  • Author
Balthazar Established Member

Balthazar

Posted
  • Author
Posted
OK, help me understand why the women you've been intimate with since your last R didn't have R potential for you. What was the "special" part that made Joanne different?

 

I think I know what you're getting at, but want to hear a clear perspective instead of my projecting any more hu ha ;)

 

To begin, we were both interested in a serious relationship(one that could lead to marriage).

I also felt that our ages were congruent(37 ,30).

 

Furthermore, there seemed to be many common interests, shared likes and dislikes and a similar view of life. I remember one of us finishing sentences for the other at times.

 

We also shared a similar back round and work in the same field(education).

 

Finally, but most importantly, I felt good around her. Even though it was only 5 dates, she was one of the women who made me want to improve myself.

A sure sign that the attraction was there(on my part at least).

 

Have any women I have dated left me indifferent?

No, but the overall effect has not been the same as with Joanne.

 

However, all this is probably besides the point.

I would not have her be with me if she didn't have similar feelings.

When we broke things off, Joanne hinted that we could proceed but at a very slow pace.

 

I felt such a slow pace was almost a standstill and possibly just her excuse to get out of a difficult situation so I just told her we should make a clean break.

 

Was this a mistake? Possibly, but it is the way I felt at that moment.

 

As somebody on LS states, never be a option, be a priority.

And for Joanne, I never was.

I hope that clears stuff Carhill.:)

  • Author
Balthazar Established Member

Balthazar

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I don't know. From what you wrote, it doesn't appear you did. But, what is actually going on with her internally or spiritually, maybe just to confusing to deal with. Don't you want to be with someone who is sure? She doesn't have herself figured out, it would stand to reason that she can't figure out a relationship either.

 

I can't know what Joanne feels Bent. But is she has such deep rooted spiritual issues(I don't think she does), she is in no shape for any type of relationship.

bentnotbroken Established Member

bentnotbroken

Posted
Posted
I can't know what Joanne feels Bent. But is she has such deep rooted spiritual issues(I don't think she does), she is in no shape for any type of relationship.

 

 

 

Not necessarily deep rooted spiritual issues so much as maybe confusion about herself. A confident looking person on the outside doesn't always translate to a confident person on the inside. But you are right whatever the issue is, she is in no shape for a relationship. It seems you would be better off without her right now.

OpenBook Established Member

OpenBook

Posted
Posted

For some reason this reminds me of when Jane Fonda and Ted Turner broke up. I think it was Jay Leno who joked that Jane found God, and Ted discovered it wasn't himself.

 

All kidding aside, Balth I think you made a good call by walking away from this. There were just too many variables and complications and asterisks she put on the potential relationship with you.

 

When the real thing happens, it requires none of those things.

 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...