My new(born again Christian) sort of Girlfriend is really getting on my nerves!

[Geishawhelk]

No, I get it.

What she's basically telling you is:

Hang around buster, until I'm ready to say 'yes'. Until then, back off until I whistle."

 

Amen.

 

I think the "Goodnight, Joanne" was the best line you could have used!

[dreamergrl]

One flew over the coo coo's nest

[NKD SWMR]

One flew over the coo coo's nest

just wondering, where in WI are you? i lived there most of my life till i moved to TX.

[Geishawhelk]

Excerpt from an email Joanne sent me today

 

Even if you are right when focusing on the final outcome, which remains the same in this case, I would again insist on changing the phrase "failed personal relationship" into "it was rather me failing to give a chance at this time".

 

MY THOUGHTS

 

This lady is pretty full of herself, don't you think?

I think I may have avoided a lot of trouble.

 

Do you know what her surname is....?

 

Just wondering if "Godzghift" is in it....

 

She's a self-made woman who seems to worship her creator....

 

I wish I'd said that....John Bright, on Benjamin Disraeli.....

[SugarKiss]

while your "lady friend" may not be interested in you she could very well not be interested in a relationship right now ie. commitment, hence wanting to take it slow. why is this is this so hard for people to fathom and always take this so personally?

 

what caught my attention was this:

 

She ,supposedly, realized this when I asked her to go on a 2 day trip last weekend.

She didn't come yet felt as if she was holding me back and feels bad about this.

 

you haven't even kissed this woman yet and you asked her on 2 day trip!?!? did you think of where you would sleep? would this be a share the same room or seperate rooms situation? and two full days together with a woman you haven't even kissed yet, YIKES! nothing spells "hurry up and commit to me" more than that.

 

 

I was dating a guy, one that I was on the fence about because of where I was in my healing process due to a breakup. he was pretty cool and we had pretty good chemistry, we made out by the third date and it was quite electric was still not sure about him, he was super wealthy and very ready for a relationship anyway I was not just yet, but was willing to get to know him slowly and enjoy his company hoping things would change in a few months and I would be ready. well he invited me to stay at his summer home where his family was for the weekend and though his family would be on one part of the estate and showing up one day only and we would be almost in another secluded area, it was THAT big (I know crazy) I asked him point blank so where would I sleep if I agreed to go, and he said "with me in my room naturally" It was way too presumptuous of him to think I would want to share a bedroom with him all weekend and stay as if we had been dating for 5 months and it made me feel like he was not respecting my wishes at all.

 

in all honesty I think it could have worked out if we did take it slow I really enjoyed his company, but he was just too eager to have a girlfriend and this turned me off, not that he wanted a girlfriend but that he did not respect my wishes.

 

you see a guy could be the most perfect guy for you but if you are not 99% ready to embark in another relationship everything he does to rush things will be a turn off and it really had nothing to do with attraction levels it all boiled down to timing. my heart was not 99% healed yet from a past relationship and I really needed to take it slow, but he needed more and we did not see eye to eye.

 

if you made a good connection with this woman don't be so quick to take it personally that she needs to take it slow, if you can handle slow then stick it out because you never know. and exactly how many people do you meet that really wow you? sure you can date a lot but some people are just worth giving more for, if she is one of those people then put your ego aside and study her and figure out if she is interested but needs more healing time or just killing time with you.

 

I don't think asking her on a two day trip was apropriate given the state of your "relationship" that is way to intimate of an invitation considering you haven't even kissed yet. JMO

[Balthazar]

while your "lady friend" may not be interested in you she could very well not be interested in a relationship right now ie. commitment, hence wanting to take it slow. why is this is this so hard for people to fathom and always take this so personally?

 

you haven't even kissed this woman yet and you asked her on 2 day trip!?!? did you think of where you would sleep? would this be a share the same room or seperate rooms situation? and two full days together with a woman you haven't even kissed yet, YIKES! nothing spells "hurry up and commit to me" more than that.

 

 

feel like he was not respecting my wishes at all.

 

In all honesty I think it could have worked out if we did take it slow I really enjoyed his company, but he was just too eager to have a girlfriend and this turned me off, not that he wanted a girlfriend but that he did not respect my wishes.

 

you see a guy could be the most perfect guy for you but if you are not 99% ready to embark in another relationship everything he does to rush things will be a turn off and it really had nothing to do with attraction levels it all boiled down to timing. my heart was not 99% healed yet from a past relationship and I really needed to take it slow, but he needed more and we did not see eye to eye.

 

I don't think asking her on a two day trip was appropriate given the state of your "relationship" that is way to intimate of an invitation considering you haven't even kissed yet. JMO

 

First of all, I would like to thank you for writing such a detailed post Sugarkiss.

I appreciate the time and thought you put into it.

 

Let me address some of the matters.

 

Joanne has known me since October. We were acquaintances and have common friends. So, it is not as if she feels unsafe with me.

 

When I asked her to come on the 2 day trip, I was very flexible. We were going to see a friend sing with her rock band, and I told her not to worry about any living arrangements as I would be discreet.

I knew it may be a bit too much, too soon, but in all honesty, I think a woman who is truly interested would have come.

 

Yes, I haven't kissed this woman(not that I haven' tried mind you:)), but we were getting closer. There was touching and she supposedly had mentioned to our common friend(Maria) that she finds me attractive and is interested in an LTR, nor something casual.

 

I felt the 2 day trip was my way of showing I was serious about this relationship; I never meant for her to feel pressured, and I never pressured her to go.

When she said "no", I said that it's OK.

 

 

Did I scare her off?

Maybe, but I think her heart was not into it to begin with. That's why she way so easily scared off. Woman who are into a guy don't let him go so easily(and vice versa).

And she basically cut me loose without a second thought.

 

And why did it take her 6 dates to realize she is not ready for a relationship or commitment?

And should it make me feel better when she says she didn't even try to make things work between us?

 

Concerning your other point; yes, I made a good connection with this woman and we have many common interests, but I cannot stick it out.

I cannot put my ego aside when she is obviously flaunting hers in my face.

A relationship is a 2-way street, but I have been doing almost all the work.

And I don't want such a woman, so even though I have feelings for her, I have to let things go.

 

There are many fine women out there and it is better to seek a future with one who is into you from the start.

 

The beginning of a relationship is a wonderful period, and I'll be damned if I spend it chasing after a woman who doesn't know what she wants.

 

Having said that, Joanne knows where I am and how to get in touch with me.

If she is interested, let her call. I am finished with her.

 

A big thanks to all the posters. I appreciate all input.

[SugarKiss]

First of all, I would like to thank you for writing such a detailed post Sugarkiss.

I appreciate the time and thought you put into it.

 

Let me address some of the matters.

 

Joanne has known me since October. We were acquaintances and have common friends. So, it is not as if she feels unsafe with me.

 

When I asked her to come on the 2 day trip, I was very flexible. We were going to see a friend sing with her rock band, and I told her not to worry about any living arrangements as I would be discreet.

I knew it may be a bit too much, too soon, but in all honesty, I think a woman who is truly interested would have come.

 

Yes, I haven't kissed this woman(not that I haven' tried mind you:)), but we were getting closer. There was touching and she supposedly had mentioned to our common friend(Maria) that she finds me attractive and is interested in an LTR, nor something casual.

 

I felt the 2 day trip was my way of showing I was serious about this relationship; I never meant for her to feel pressured, and I never pressured her to go.

When she said "no", I said that it's OK.

 

 

Did I scare her off?

Maybe, but I think her heart was not into it to begin with. That's why she way so easily scared off. Woman who are into a guy don't let him go so easily(and vice versa).

And she basically cut me loose without a second thought.

 

And why did it take her 6 dates to realize she is not ready for a relationship or commitment?

And should it make me feel better when she says she didn't even try to make things work between us?

 

Concerning your other point; yes, I made a good connection with this woman and we have many common interests, but I cannot stick it out.

I cannot put my ego aside when she is obviously flaunting hers in my face.

A relationship is a 2-way street, but I have been doing almost all the work.

And I don't want such a woman, so even though I have feelings for her, I have to let things go.

 

There are many fine women out there and it is better to seek a future with one who is into you from the start.

 

The beginning of a relationship is a wonderful period, and I'll be damned if I spend it chasing after a woman who doesn't know what she wants.

 

Having said that, Joanne knows where I am and how to get in touch with me.

If she is interested, let her call. I am finished with her.

 

A big thanks to all the posters. I appreciate all input.

 

I appreciate everything you explained but if you notice you have justified all your moves, did it ever occur to you that rather than trying so hard to win her over by making things move along quicker (this is what you desire) all she needed right now is someone who is there but willing to take it slow?

I still think it was too soon to ask her on a 2 day trip (wherever) when you have not even kissed this woman and unless you were all going to stay in a big house with a bunch of friends where the ladies can have their own guest room etc I don't think it's remotely time to ask someone on a 2 day trip if you have not even kissed them yet. and where were you going to sleep then? it's the kind of trip you plan with your couple not someone you don't even know if you can kissed yet. you may know this woman for a year but clearly you don;t know her at all otherwise you would not have been asking us here when is a good time to make a move, do you see the contradiction in your actions?

 

sorry you are wrong even if I knew a guy for years and we started dating and he asked me to go away with him for 2 days and we had not even kissed yet I would not do it, I would find it odd in fact that he invite me to spend that much time with him when we are nothing yet. it is not something I would do with someone I have dated 4 or 5 times and who I have not had any sort of intamacy with.

 

if you can't give her what she needs right now then I think it's fine that you chose to move along you don't want to compromise your own needs in the process either, that's cool. but it's unfair you peg her as an ego flaunter or for someone who is trying to one up you simply because she cannot give you what you want right now, as you want it.

 

I think she was upfront with you and you weren't willing to compromise to meet her half way in what she wants you just wanted things to progress on your own terms and they didn't and that's fine but why blame her for that?

 

Did I scare her off?

Maybe, but I think her heart was not into it to begin with. That's why she way so easily scared off. Woman who are into a guy don't let him go so easily(and vice versa).

And she basically cut me loose without a second thought.

 

And why did it take her 6 dates to realize she is not ready for a relationship or commitment?

And should it make me feel better when she says she didn't even try to make things work between us?

 

sorry but you knew right from the get go she was not exactly in "ready for a the full deal" mode she was just out of a relationship only months ago, what did you expect?

 

I think you thought you were going to be the one to make her forget her past and it doesn't work that way, she needs to heal on her own time. and it didn't take 6 dates for her to figure this out she knew this from the get-go and so did you yet you proceeded to date her anway. and even after she asked you to take it slow you are asking her out on a 2 day get-away...and still weren't sure when to kiss her!?!?

 

you scared her away. maybe she would have not been interested either way but puting this passive agressive pressure on her is not helping your cause or your goal. and your goal was to be a friend to this woman to let her open up to you slowly, to take is sloooooowwww as she had requested. if you felt you could take on the role of rebound guy without feeling any sort of drawbacks then you must have known that doing anything that was considered too fast for her would have ended up hurting you in the end. if you didn't know this then perhaps it was too ambitious of you to date a woman who was this soon out of a breakup.

[Balthazar]

1.I appreciate everything you explained but if you notice you have justified all your moves, did it ever occur to you that rather than trying so hard to win her over by making things move along quicker (this is what you desire) all she needed right now is someone who is there but willing to take it slow?

 

2.I still think it was too soon to ask her on a 2 day trip (wherever) when you have not even kissed this woman

 

3.You may know this woman for a year but clearly you don't know her at all, otherwise you would not have been asking us here when is a good time to make a move, do you see the contradiction in your actions?

 

4.sorry you are wrong even if I knew a guy for years and we started dating and he asked me to go away with him for 2 days and we had not even kissed yet I would not do it, I would find it odd in fact that he invite me to spend that much time with him when we are nothing yet.

 

5.but it's unfair you peg her as an ego flaunter or for someone who is trying to one up you simply because she cannot give you what you want right now, as you want it.

 

6.I think she was upfront with you and you weren't willing to compromise to meet her half way in what she wants you just wanted things to progress on your own terms and they didn't and that's fine but why blame her for that?

 

7. Sorry but you knew right from the get go she was not exactly in "ready for a the full deal" mode she was just out of a relationship only months ago, what did you expect?

 

8. I think you thought you were going to be the one to make her forget her past and it doesn't work that way, she needs to heal on her own time. and it didn't take 6 dates for her to figure this out she knew this from the get-go and so did you yet you proceeded to date her anway. and even after she asked you to take it slow you are asking her out on a 2 day get-away...and still weren't sure when to kiss her!?!?

 

9. You scared her away. maybe she would have not been interested either way but putting this passive aggressive pressure on her is not helping your cause or your goal. and your goal was to be a friend to this woman to let her open up to you slowly, to take is sloooooowwww as she had requested.

if you didn't know this then perhaps it was too ambitious of you to date a woman who was this soon out of a breakup.

 

NOTE: I edited your post into points so as to clearly answer them Sugarkiss.

 

Again, let me address the main issues.

 

First, I believe you have inadvertently added some info which is not in my posts; it may be from your own experiences but not what I have mentioned.

 

 

1. how slow can a relationship go? At some point it is not going anywhere, and that serves neither of the people involved

 

2. Maybe you're right. But I think this depends on the women. Many women would be overjoyed that a man they are interested in asked to spend some time with them on a nice island around friendly people.

 

3. Sorry, but where exactly did I ask people when I should make a move?

 

4. OK, that's you and I respect that. But it is not how everybody thinks.

 

5. I referred to our relationship as one that failed, she stressed that SHE never tried to make it work.

I find it selfish to date a person and after 6 dates tell him you never tried to make it work!

If that is truly the case, WHY ON EARTH should I wait for this woman to warm up to me?

How am I to know when she would start to work, or IF she would ever start to work on our relationship?

And you say she is not being egotistic?

 

6. Meet her halfway?

I was the only one who called and put effort into making things work. If I met her halfway, nothing would have happened.I would have only called her half as often. There would have been half the dates. We wouldn't have even held hands.

She may have wanted a guy to take her nice places and talk to her for the whole summer...

This is not the role any man who wants to become the BF should play.

If she wants this, then she needs a therapist, not a BF.

 

8. What past? She stated that she was over her ex-BF and told our common friend(Maria) that she wanted to date and form a LTR. Even when she was breaking it off, she stressed she has no issues with her ex, just that her life is stressful at present.

 

9. Passive-aggressive?

When exactly was I passive-aggressive?

After she said no to the trip, I dropped the matter completely and never brought it up again.

In fact, I called her up Monday afternoon to see how she was and asked if she would like to go out Tuesday for a ride to the beach.

Her reply?

"I'll consider it..."

 

Did I scare her away?

 

No. She is not some little girl. She is an adult who knew who she was getting involved with and what she was getting.

After all, she had checked up on me through our friend Maria.

 

She had specifically stated that she was interested in a serious relationship, no casual dating.

 

 

Again Sugarkiss, I appreciate your input, but I have lived this situation and it is simply a case of a woman who has low interest and wants to play around.

Even worse, she wants some guy on the back burner while she gets over her "issues".

For all I know, she may even be seeing somebody else or her ex on the side.

 

I am not an insensitive person.

I was willing to go slow; I proved this to her by backing off about the trip.

 

On our last date, I spoke very clearly to her. My words,

"Joanne, we can go slow; but you have to be certain you want to go forward with me.

So, do you want to give this relationship a shot or should we end it?"

 

Her answer was garbled; it was a sort of no or maybe. I don't want anyone to be in a difficult position so I took it as a no.

 

Finally, one thing stands out. We met and dated with the prospects of a relationship.

She knew where I was coming from since day 1.

 

By limiting and restricting the physical element to her comfort level, and by seeking to keep it there indefinitely, she was turning the relationship into something completely different.

 

I had no desire to be Joanne's friend. What I wanted was to be her BF.

 

Phew! Long post,eh?

[Balthazar]

I understand where your coming from Sugarkiss.

Joanne may very well be thinking in this exact same way.

As such, your points are all insightful.

 

Still, the bottom line is that a woman won't cut a guy she is interested in loose that easily;

she would try to make him see her point of view and try to make things work.

 

Joanne did none of this.

 

I will see her tomorrow morning for a work related issue.

I arranged to pick her up at 7pm and we would discuss the matter over a drink.

I then thought this over and changed the meeting to 11am at my office.

It will be interesting to see her behavior in person; she was a bit cool on the phone today.

[SugarKiss]

I understand where your coming from Sugarkiss.

Joanne may very well be thinking in this exact same way.

As such, your points are all insightful.

 

Still, the bottom line is that a woman won't cut a guy she is interested in loose that easily;

 

You are absolutely right on that one. with the exception of a woman who is clearly not ready to embark in a new relationship then there is no man that is worth working hard for and he can be a spectacular man but she just won't be ready for him, so it really is HER not you. given what she said about how she wasn't even trying it seems she is clearly not ready to even date and the friend prob set you two up because she feels you are a good match and wants to see Joanne out of her funk, but if it means at your expense not sure that is best for all. she sounds like she is still possibly grieving her break-up (if she was not the one who wanted out) and there will be no man that can match up to what she in her head feels she left behind, right now. do you know what I'm saying? if she had broken up with the dude she would be ready to date and have fun she doesn't sound like she is ready now

 

 

she would try to make him see her point of view and try to make things work.

Joanne did none of this.

 

it could be she is a cold fish and really wasn't all that interested or it could be she feels she was burned badly by her past relationship and she does not care to work hard for any guy in turn at this point. in which case either scenario spells she is not ready for a relationship. BUT she could be ready for a steady slow getting to know and befriending of a man who when she is ready to move forward she can let in to her heart.

 

 

 

I will see her tomorrow morning for a work related issue.

I arranged to pick her up at 7pm and we would discuss the matter over a drink.

I then thought this over and changed the meeting to 11am at my office.

It will be interesting to see her behavior in person; she was a bit cool on the phone today.

 

that is very smart. you can see just how guarded, or non-challant and uncaring she really is if you talk to her in person.

[Balthazar]

I understand and agree with many of your points Sugarkiss and there is a high possibility that she was the one who was dumped in her last relationship.

Maybe she is so guarded because she has been burned. But as the Byrds say "everybody's been burned before..."

I still feel she is being selfish though.

 

Anyway, I guess we will see how things go tomorrow...

[SugarKiss]

I understand and agree with many of your points Sugarkiss and there is a high possibility that she was the one who was dumped in her last relationship.

Maybe she is so guarded because she has been burned. But as the Byrds say "everybody's been burned before..."

I still feel she is being selfish though.

 

Anyway, I guess we will see how things go tomorrow...

 

 

I agree, it sounds like she is being selfish. don't forget selfishness is a very valid phase of post break-up recovery and pain of loss. I hope you don't think I am justifying her actions I am not, she should not be dating period. if she is so in rebound mode she should sit it out rather than drag someone else into her picture but part of her confusion is also due to the fact she is in limbo emotioanlly.

 

so since you are the one who is more emotionally stable right now due to the fact that you are not getting over any immidate break-up, you need to be the one to look out for # 1 because are she won't. the very nature of what she is going through is making her only think of herself and no one else.

 

 

 

good luck tomorrow!

[Balthazar]

Having in mind everything we have talked about Sugarkiss,

I wonder what good luck tomorrow actually will be?

 

You see, even if she wants to resume dating, what can I look forward in the state she's in?

[Geishawhelk]

Jeesh, guys, I have to day, this is better than Peyton Place....

 

(How old am I!!??)

 

Really though, balthy, take care tomorrow.

[imbewildered]

Having in mind everything we have talked about Sugarkiss,

I wonder what good luck tomorrow actually will be?

 

You see, even if she wants to resume dating, what can I look forward in the state she's in?

 

You can look forward to more confusion and more unrewarding dates with a woman who is not a contender for a big girl relationship.

 

I GUARANTEE that if you started dating another woman and Joanne saw you two together, her interest level would peak and SHE would suddenly want to "have a chat about starting again"... to be your girlfriend.

 

This is how women operate when the GUY has done all the work in the first few dates and she just went along on the magic carpet ride..

[Mary3]

This girl was just not * into you *, Period.

 

I once went out with a guy 3 TIMES but each time I did not feel chemistry, (he was too small and short for me.)

 

Date # 3 , we go to lunch and he takes me back to his new condo. " Oh cool , I thought , maybe he will try and kiss me because right now I don't feel a darn thing for him :" He shows me his condo , I sit on the love seat , he sits on the couch. He makes no move to sit on the love seat... Okay I think , this is not going to work or have a glimmer of a chance unless he makes some move " . He did not.

 

I go home he calls and he asks me " Whats wrong , why are we not progressing anywhere " ? I said ? Hey you are a nice guy " He says OH NO , not the nice guy speech " ! I said " What do you mean ? " He said " Nice guys don't get ANYWHERE with girls "

 

Nuff said....

[Balthazar]

This girl was just not * into you *, Period.

 

I once went out with a guy 3 TIMES but each time I did not feel chemistry, (he was too small and short for me.)

 

Date # 3 , we go to lunch and he takes me back to his new condo. " Oh cool , I thought , maybe he will try and kiss me because right now I don't feel a darn thing for him :" He shows me his condo , I sit on the love seat , he sits on the couch. He makes no move to sit on the love seat... Okay I think , this is not going to work or have a glimmer of a chance unless he makes some move " . He did not.

 

I go home he calls and he asks me " Whats wrong , why are we not progressing anywhere " ? I said ? Hey you are a nice guy " He says OH NO , not the nice guy speech " ! I said " What do you mean ? " He said " Nice guys don't get ANYWHERE with girls "

 

Nuff said....

 

 

If you read the posts(which are extremely lengthy - meaning I understand if you missed stuff) you will see that I also stated I think she is not interested. And I stated this repeatedly.

 

However, don't accuse me of being a "nice" guy.

I put all the moves on her and did so early on, unlike your guy.

 

CHeers,

[Balthazar]

You can look forward to more confusion and more unrewarding dates with a woman who is not a contender for a big girl relationship.

 

I GUARANTEE that if you started dating another woman and Joanne saw you two together, her interest level would peak and SHE would suddenly want to "have a chat about starting again"... to be your girlfriend.

 

This is how women operate when the GUY has done all the work in the first few dates and she just went along on the magic carpet ride..

 

I will agree with you.

 

But I wasn't looking to "play" Joanne or get easy sex from her.

I didn't meet her in some dive.

We met through common friends and this puts things in a different perspective.

 

Was I a "nice guy"?

 

I was nice in that I tried to show her a good time, but I made my intentions known early on, and I did so through actions, not words.

 

To my mind, I made very few(if any) mistakes.

She just wasn't into me or whatever.

 

Stuff happens,

[SugarKiss]

NOTE: I edited your post into points so as to clearly answer them Sugarkiss.

 

Again, let me address the main issues.

 

First, I believe you have inadvertently added some info which is not in my posts; it may be from your own experiences but not what I have mentioned.

 

 

1. how slow can a relationship go? At some point it is not going anywhere, and that serves neither of the people involved

 

2. Maybe you're right. But I think this depends on the women. Many women would be overjoyed that a man they are interested in asked to spend some time with them on a nice island around friendly people.

 

3. Sorry, but where exactly did I ask people when I should make a move?

 

4. OK, that's you and I respect that. But it is not how everybody thinks.

 

5. I referred to our relationship as one that failed, she stressed that SHE never tried to make it work.

I find it selfish to date a person and after 6 dates tell him you never tried to make it work!

If that is truly the case, WHY ON EARTH should I wait for this woman to warm up to me?

How am I to know when she would start to work, or IF she would ever start to work on our relationship?

And you say she is not being egotistic?

 

6. Meet her halfway?

I was the only one who called and put effort into making things work. If I met her halfway, nothing would have happened.I would have only called her half as often. There would have been half the dates. We wouldn't have even held hands.

She may have wanted a guy to take her nice places and talk to her for the whole summer...

This is not the role any man who wants to become the BF should play.

If she wants this, then she needs a therapist, not a BF.

 

8. What past? She stated that she was over her ex-BF and told our common friend(Maria) that she wanted to date and form a LTR. Even when she was breaking it off, she stressed she has no issues with her ex, just that her life is stressful at present.

 

9. Passive-aggressive?

When exactly was I passive-aggressive?

After she said no to the trip, I dropped the matter completely and never brought it up again.

In fact, I called her up Monday afternoon to see how she was and asked if she would like to go out Tuesday for a ride to the beach.

Her reply?

"I'll consider it..."

 

Did I scare her away?

 

No. She is not some little girl. She is an adult who knew who she was getting involved with and what she was getting.

After all, she had checked up on me through our friend Maria.

 

She had specifically stated that she was interested in a serious relationship, no casual dating.

 

 

Again Sugarkiss, I appreciate your input, but I have lived this situation and it is simply a case of a woman who has low interest and wants to play around.

Even worse, she wants some guy on the back burner while she gets over her "issues".

For all I know, she may even be seeing somebody else or her ex on the side.

 

I am not an insensitive person.

I was willing to go slow; I proved this to her by backing off about the trip.

 

On our last date, I spoke very clearly to her. My words,

"Joanne, we can go slow; but you have to be certain you want to go forward with me.

So, do you want to give this relationship a shot or should we end it?"

 

Her answer was garbled; it was a sort of no or maybe. I don't want anyone to be in a difficult position so I took it as a no.

 

Finally, one thing stands out. We met and dated with the prospects of a relationship.

She knew where I was coming from since day 1.

 

By limiting and restricting the physical element to her comfort level, and by seeking to keep it there indefinitely, she was turning the relationship into something completely different.

 

I had no desire to be Joanne's friend. What I wanted was to be her BF.

 

Phew! Long post,eh?

 

 

oooooh so frustrating I had missed this post yesterday and I just caught it now and I had typed out a proper respond point by point and the system logged me out and I lost the whole response grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr:mad:

 

I will try to do it again in bit just off to a meeting...

 

two things right now though...

 

1. you are right by "good luck" I meant, let today conclude in what is to be. luck sometimes is in getting what we don't think we necessarily want but that is the best outcome for us in the long run so whatever is meant to be for you, let it be that. also luck could be in having better insight into a situation to make a firm desicion with a clearer mind so talking to her in person might do that for you

 

 

 

2. I don't agre with the Mr Nice guy comment someone made reference, not sure if it was directly comparing you or not. I saw a guy acting like any guy would in the courting stages, I saw Mr guy, not Mr "nice" guy.

thats just me

 

 

and hey you're welcome we are just bouncing off ideas on an abstract situation, I say "abstract" because only she truly knows how she feels and thinks and what her plans are.

 

will try to respond to your post in a bit if you are still interested you might talk to her today and decide to kill this thread...

[Balthazar]

Sure thing Sugarkiss.Always glad to get input.

It is quite interesting exchanging ideas on such matters. It's why we are in the Loveshack...

[Mary3]

If you read the posts(which are extremely lengthy - meaning I understand if you missed stuff) you will see that I also stated I think she is not interested. And I stated this repeatedly.

 

However, don't accuse me of being a "nice" guy.

I put all the moves on her and did so early on, unlike your guy.

 

CHeers,

 

I was NOT saying you were a nice guy. I was merely showing how going out with a guy ( as I did 3 times ) and not feeling any chemistry is counterproductive.

 

I think you handled your situation well. I just meant sometimes girls are not into guys , just as visa versa , and there's nothing we / you did wrong. She or He was not interested enough in US.

[Balthazar]

So, we met today at 11 to talk about some work related matters.

 

She was nicely dressed and seemed warmer than on the phone yesterday.

I went through the business matters then we talked a while.

She just asked if I was alright, but it was obvious that I was fine.

I don't know what she expected me to say.

Then I asked her the same question;got the same answer.

 

We chatted a bit, but neither she nor I mentioned anything about what had happened and her decision to stop dating.

Her body language was open, although she was fidgeting with her hair a lot, tossing in once to the left then once to the right.

 

I'm not sure any of this means anything, and I am too involved in the matter for objective judgment.

 

She commented that things are very busy at present and will be for a week.

I said nothing, and didn't really offer much in the way of conversation.

 

Overall, not much of anything happened.

To my mind, if she wanted anything to happen, she would have given me some sort of opening.

The fact that she didn't means the situation stands as is.

 

We will talk in early July about certain matters, but up till then, there will, logically, be no contact unless one of us breaches the silence.

 

As for me, I think I'll just start dating other people again.

[Balthazar]

I was NOT saying you were a nice guy.

 

 

So you are directly implying I am NOT a nice guy?

 

You hardly know me, how can you jump to such conclusions?

[Mary3]

So you are directly implying I am NOT a nice guy?

 

You hardly know me, how can you jump to such conclusions?

 

I am implying that you are a GOOD guy ! *Nice guys* get stepped on. Good guys have boundaries. Jerks are another subject all together...lol

[Balthazar]

I am implying that you are a GOOD guy ! *Nice guys* get stepped on. Good guys have boundaries. Jerks are another subject all together...lol

 

I get your point Mary.