Rezy Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 Hi, I posted my sorry tale in the OW section last year. I think I was hoping for some advice to get H back from OW. Well he did come back but not for long. I just can't believe that he loves this tramp. Anyway, to cut a long story short, I am still heart broken and have been played a fool for quite some time, in March H stated that he couldn't stop loving me, then the OW caused more grief. We didn't really talk much through April, saw him again in May, as usual H was all over me like a rash then OW cuased more trouble and H told me it was over. Stated that he had always loved me and always would but couldn't be faithful. Even though my heart is broken into a thousand bits, I have stopped all contact. H has tried to contact me twice in last month but I don't reply. This isn't to get back at him, it's just that hearing his voice breaks my heart all over again. It isn't getting any easier though, infact I feel in even more pain. Do you think it is affecting him having no contact with me? There is also the problem of me being H's main link to kids as OW does not want him having contact with them. He still had a little contact with daugther but only in secret and not that much.
SingleDad Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 I'd like more insight into No contact / no communication as well. There is a string earlier in this topic and also in the dating forum (younger people dating - not the same situation). But does it work in separation ? Especially when there are Kids ? It does not make sense that you have not virtually no contact with Ex when you have kids together. The OW who refuses Ex contact with Kids is a real serious problem !! The Kids are the ones most affected by this... My Separated Ex wants to be friends for our daughter's sake - yet I want our marriage back in time. We contact most days but for 30 seconds - who picks up daughter - legal issues... But after having my heart ripped out daily and guts stomped on for last 5 months, I'm not ready yet to have friendly conversations. Ex was frustrated that I did not hang out to open Father's day gift. I just gathered up my daughter and left. Maybe in a few months I can be friendly - I have 12 months to re-build, but not yet But for know I am focusing on my 2 year old daughter solely.
carhill Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 There's a thread linked in my signature which might be helpful... NC is strictly for you. It's kinda like IC, where the counselor focuses completely on you and your issues without consideration for another person. NC helps you heal yourself and free yourself of the bonds to another. In cases where contact is required, like with children, NC is modified to include only neutral contact (business-like) regarding the children. It's a purely cognitive modification of an emotional perspective. It takes work. A lot of work. OP, do not consider what he is thinking or feeling. The place you want to work towards is polite indifference, just as you might feel for any stranger. They are good people but you have no interest in nor concern for them. Remember, it's you who is changing
TrustInYourself Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 Considering NC for my own health. I have a daughter though. Seems quite impossible.
guessjeans Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 NC is for you and it works wonders! I did it because i couldnt bear to hear about his life and goings on with HER anymore. I kept allowing myself to get hurt by him. I had enough, and even though we have a son together that lives with me (20 yrs old - university student) he deals directly with his father and not with me ever! I even set up a separate vm account on my phone, so that i never have to go to my phone and hear his voice, and HERS in the background. And i gotta tell ya, after almost 6 months of NC, i can really see why we arent meant to be together. You come out of YOUR fog, the loss, the grief, the sadness, the memories, etc. and you can only do this with NC. I went 4 yrs post separation and had him in my life the entire time as good friends, i thought we were heading to have learned from our mistakes and moving on towards really redisovering each other again. He had other plans, and had for a couple of yr, waiting for his office secetary to leave her husband, and hop into bed with him.! They are now livng together 8 months later. So no, going NC will make you realize the hurt these ppl have caused you, and other ppl around them. How could you want someone back that chose someone else over you? Im better than that! and i deserve better than that. It will get easier, i promise you if you stick to NC! If you have to talk, do it through email if you can...but dont call! Send him a loud and clear message that you are moving forward with you life without him, and you are coping well, that you are strong, have alot of self respect for yourself, that you dont need that kind of person in your life. And it does send a very loud and clear message! When you stop contacting them, they will realize at some point down the road..i wonder what she is doing? is she dating now?? she getting busy?? shes going to the gym?? looking great?? got her self esteem back up..i dont have a chance! you bet you dont! He made his bed, now let him lie in it! As the days go by, you will find you will go hours without thinking of him, then days, then every once in awhile, and by then, it wont hurt that much anymore, because you realized that you have moved forward from the hurt and pain, and made a very happy life for yourself and your children guess
TrustInYourself Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 NC is for you and it works wonders! I did it because i couldnt bear to hear about his life and goings on with HER anymore. I kept allowing myself to get hurt by him. I had enough, and even though we have a son together that lives with me (20 yrs old - university student) he deals directly with his father and not with me ever! I even set up a separate vm account on my phone, so that i never have to go to my phone and hear his voice, and HERS in the background. And i gotta tell ya, after almost 6 months of NC, i can really see why we arent meant to be together. You come out of YOUR fog, the loss, the grief, the sadness, the memories, etc. and you can only do this with NC. I went 4 yrs post separation and had him in my life the entire time as good friends, i thought we were heading to have learned from our mistakes and moving on towards really redisovering each other again. He had other plans, and had for a couple of yr, waiting for his office secetary to leave her husband, and hop into bed with him.! They are now livng together 8 months later. So no, going NC will make you realize the hurt these ppl have caused you, and other ppl around them. How could you want someone back that chose someone else over you? Im better than that! and i deserve better than that. It will get easier, i promise you if you stick to NC! If you have to talk, do it through email if you can...but dont call! Send him a loud and clear message that you are moving forward with you life without him, and you are coping well, that you are strong, have alot of self respect for yourself, that you dont need that kind of person in your life. And it does send a very loud and clear message! When you stop contacting them, they will realize at some point down the road..i wonder what she is doing? is she dating now?? she getting busy?? shes going to the gym?? looking great?? got her self esteem back up..i dont have a chance! you bet you dont! He made his bed, now let him lie in it! As the days go by, you will find you will go hours without thinking of him, then days, then every once in awhile, and by then, it wont hurt that much anymore, because you realized that you have moved forward from the hurt and pain, and made a very happy life for yourself and your children guess Sweet post.
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