muse82 Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 hey there.. Why is it so difficult meeting someone you find interesting? Im trying to move on from my ex. We have been texting some weeks ago on a friendly basis.The last two weeks no contact. I dunno why im writing or what im hoping to hear. I just feel so frustrated that my ex can go on dates and hook up with someone she finds interesting when i cant. I dont know what to do.I wanna meet someone new that can ignite something in me. I go out sometimes but all it does is remind me of her. Why do i have such a hard time letting go and not thinking about it. I really miss the closeness and intimacy of a relationship.Holding hands and kissing etc! Hate this feeling of being alone waiting by the phone for my memories to call.I changed alot the past year.Lost weight, dealt with my anger issues,got a job and have taken care of my finance problems. It just seems as no matter what you do and how much you change its to no avail. It sucks.. Last night i dreamt that somebody loved me.
Issues & tissues Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 Last night i dreamt that somebody loved me. Your post made me cry. I feel your pain. No matter how much I seem to be "moving on" with my life, there are moments when I seriously question the value of my achievements if I can't share them with "him". I suppose we must give oursleves time and let ourselves love unconditionally again.
Author muse82 Posted June 16, 2008 Author Posted June 16, 2008 Your post made me cry. I feel your pain. No matter how much I seem to be "moving on" with my life, there are moments when I seriously question the value of my achievements if I can't share them with "him". I suppose we must give oursleves time and let ourselves love unconditionally again. Yeah everytime i make some change or something new and positive happens i always think to myself that it would be so good to share it with her. I think your right that we must give ourselves time to let us love unconditional again. I am just so scared. If someone new tells me she loves me i would most certainly think to myself when is she going to stop loving me and if she really does mean it. When will her feelings change, when will she stop finding me interesting..All those doubts.. In my case its been over a year since last seeing her. A lot of promises have been broken as well. Why would i bother giving my love to someone when that love can so easily be forgotten and "gotten over" And i dont think i could ever enter a relationship knowing i might feel this way again sometime.The old saying "nothing last forever" well if nothing lasts forever why bother?
stlnsmile Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 You know I've thought about this too. Ya know what I think....I think its when we don't need anyone at all, thats when its going to happen. Think about when you first met your ex. In my case, I had never even dated really before, but most importantly, I didn't care. I was really really happy with myself. I was single and loving my life. I had friends and a good school that I went to (I transfered later to be in the same school with him, grrrrrr), but I had a great independant life. Thats what my ex liked about me, that my life was different than his, exciting, and new. Its when we are fine, when we don't need validation from anyone, when we see our lives as happy and complete, thats when Mr. or Ms. Wonderful is going to walk into our lives. When we don't care if it is ever going to happen. Right now the fact that we care that it happens at all, shows we have not healed 100%. We still want validation that we are good people from other people. Its when we know we are good people, with out that validation from anyone else, thats when we are really ready to move on and offer someone special our true best selves. Think about it, the next person we really want to be with, we want to be healthy people, and people like that are going to look for healthy, happy people, not used, torn up, mouring, feeling sorry for oneself kind of people:) Just hold on, and be happy with your singleness right now, see it as an oportunity to become the awesome person your next true love will fall head over heals with. I envision in my mind my "dream guy" and think, what kind of person would he want me to be? Happy, fullfilled, confidant...thats what I always come back with...so thats what I am working on. Mr. Wonderful will come along someday...and until then, I'm going to work on being GREAT!!!!!!!:bunny:
CailinPig Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 I really miss the closeness and intimacy of a relationship.Holding hands and kissing etc! Hate this feeling of being alone waiting by the phone for my memories to call. Last night i dreamt that somebody loved me. Ugh, I completely get what you're saying. Yesterday, I had a small argument with one of my friends and I felt upset and I wanted to turn to someone to make me feel better again. But there was no one there who would make me feel loved. I texted my ex anyway tellin him I was upset and felt like crap, and of course he didn't respond. I never realised how weak i was before. I need someone to love me, I feel like I'm not good enough on my own. I'm so unhappy.
CandyGirlXO Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 I can completely relate. Everyone tells me the samething... It will happen when you least expect it and it will happen when you are happy by yourself. I wonder how the hell am I ever going to be happy by myself? Seems like every where I look everyone is coupled up. I thought I would have been married now! This is not the "plan" I had for my life. This is not the way it was supposed to be. I often wonder the samething... If nothing last forever then what's the point? Ever since I have experienced love for the first time I hated being single. Especially when all of my friends are married/in relationships. I feel like I will never be happy. I always feel like I need someone there. Someone to make it worth waking up every morning.
Author muse82 Posted June 16, 2008 Author Posted June 16, 2008 I can completely relate. Everyone tells me the samething... It will happen when you least expect it and it will happen when you are happy by yourself. I wonder how the hell am I ever going to be happy by myself? Seems like every where I look everyone is coupled up. I thought I would have been married now! This is not the "plan" I had for my life. This is not the way it was supposed to be. I often wonder the samething... If nothing last forever then what's the point? Ever since I have experienced love for the first time I hated being single. Especially when all of my friends are married/in relationships. I feel like I will never be happy. I always feel like I need someone there. Someone to make it worth waking up every morning. I also feel like i need someone by my side for me to be happy.Its as if my confidence and worth fullness depends on if i have a GF or not. They always say that in order to love someone and be happy you must be able to love and be happy by yourself. I just don't know how to do that. Probably some sort of upbringing issue i have..don't know..how long have you been single? Ugh, I completely get what you're saying. Yesterday, I had a small argument with one of my friends and I felt upset and I wanted to turn to someone to make me feel better again. But there was no one there who would make me feel loved. I texst my ex anyway tellin him I was upset and felt like crap, and of course he didn't respond. I never realized how weak i was before. I need someone to love me, I feel like I'm not good enough on my own. I'm so unhappy. i feel like that to. I also think the least you can do is reply when someone takes the time to contact you. When someone talks to you in daily real life you just don't turn your head away and ignore, you politely answer.Everyone who ignores someone and cant tell it like it is is very immature and selfish and probably has a lot of growing up to do. my ex and i have been apart for 14 months. i have had a lot happen to me in those months.my house burned to the ground and i didn't have insurance.One of my friends died.I fell into a depression.My two close friends moved to another country.My sister moved many miles away with my niece. Every time something happens i think to myself:well perhaps my luck is gonna change soon.It just don't. Last November my ex asked me if i wanted her to visit soon and we made plans only to be broken by her.There was never a "you deserve better" "your a great guy" "i will always keep you in my heart" just silence.And silence can pierce you heart just like hurtful words. Even though i have been hurt i would always get up again only to be trampled on like a freaking doormat. And even when we last talked i would apologize for making her feel guilty.WTF i should not apologize, it should be her or both of us.But again i failed to respect myself. There was a time when i was a confident,outgoing, happy,motivated and carefree person.Its just a shell today. i don't blame my ex for taking away my confidence.That i did just fine myself. "i was happy in the haze of our drunken love, but heaven knows i'm miserable now"
Author muse82 Posted June 16, 2008 Author Posted June 16, 2008 You know I've thought about this too. Ya know what I think....I think its when we don't need anyone at all, thats when its going to happen. Think about when you first met your ex. In my case, I had never even dated really before, but most importantly, I didn't care. I was really really happy with myself. I was single and loving my life. I had friends and a good school that I went to (I transfered later to be in the same school with him, grrrrrr), but I had a great independant life. Thats what my ex liked about me, that my life was different than his, exciting, and new. Its when we are fine, when we don't need validation from anyone, when we see our lives as happy and complete, thats when Mr. or Ms. Wonderful is going to walk into our lives. When we don't care if it is ever going to happen. Right now the fact that we care that it happens at all, shows we have not healed 100%. We still want validation that we are good people from other people. Its when we know we are good people, with out that validation from anyone else, thats when we are really ready to move on and offer someone special our true best selves. Think about it, the next person we really want to be with, we want to be healthy people, and people like that are going to look for healthy, happy people, not used, torn up, mouring, feeling sorry for oneself kind of people:) Just hold on, and be happy with your singleness right now, see it as an oportunity to become the awesome person your next true love will fall head over heals with. I envision in my mind my "dream guy" and think, what kind of person would he want me to be? Happy, fullfilled, confidant...thats what I always come back with...so thats what I am working on. Mr. Wonderful will come along someday...and until then, I'm going to work on being GREAT!!!!!!!:bunny: Yeah you are right. Healthy people look for healthy people. I just have had unhealthy people in my life.Guess that is why im broken now. I think the hardest thing in life is the love game. I have been trough so much but the sadness of lost love is far worse than anything i have ever felt, and i have felt plenty.
CandyGirlXO Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 To answer your question. I have been single for only one month but I have ALWAYS felt like I NEED someone there. I am the one that broke up with him but I am still sad about it. I always ask myself did I do the right thing? I was miserable with him, but now I feel like I am even more miserable by myself. I believe that my problems definately stemmed from my upbringing. My real father was physically abusive and not in my life and my step dad is emotionally abusive and has never been a good role model as far as I'm concerned. It is extremely difficult for me and I know NO ONE will want me like this. I am f**king so bitter that it sadens me even more. No one wants to be around that. I know I can't go back... My ex wasnt good for me but it hurts.
v33 Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 Every time something happens i think to myself:well perhaps my luck is gonna change soon. If the mountain won't come to you perhaps you need to go to the mountain... Certainly things happen in life that are beyond our control, and it sounds as if you have had to deal with a lot of unfortunate events over the last year and a half. However if things do not seem to be changing to your liking then perhaps you will have to be proactive and make changes for yourself. It may be time to completely redesign your life.
Author muse82 Posted June 16, 2008 Author Posted June 16, 2008 To answer your question. I have been single for only one month but I have ALWAYS felt like I NEED someone there. I am the one that broke up with him but I am still sad about it. I always ask myself did I do the right thing? I was miserable with him, but now I feel like I am even more miserable by myself. I believe that my problems definately stemmed from my upbringing. My real father was physically abusive and not in my life and my step dad is emotionally abusive and has never been a good role model as far as I'm concerned. It is extremely difficult for me and I know NO ONE will want me like this. I am f**king so bitter that it sadens me even more. No one wants to be around that. I know I can't go back... My ex wasnt good for me but it hurts. I can relate. When you think back on the RS then you ask yourself-was he/she really good for me:The person was not good for me, but why am i still feeling like this. Also it is very hard when your childhood affects you when your grown. Lucky for me i have been through therapy but with limited succes. Dont think i will ever be able to let go of the bitterness.
Author muse82 Posted June 16, 2008 Author Posted June 16, 2008 If the mountain won't come to you perhaps you need to go to the mountain... Certainly things happen in life that are beyond our control, and it sounds as if you have had to deal with a lot of unfortunate events over the last year and a half. However if things do not seem to be changing to your liking then perhaps you will have to be proactive and make changes for yourself. It may be time to completely redesign your life. Yeah i think i need to be more proactive. I do still believe that i have tried and tried very hard to seek out people socially.There just always seem to be something missing. Every time i try i always seem to get shot down.I have hopes and expectations but it seems to be fading quite rapidly.
CailinPig Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 Oh Muse82, some people tend to have a run of bad luck like that. I wish i could be there for you, that sounds awful. But you know what? that's life unfortunately. I think some people roll with the punches and other people just collapse. i'm clearly one of those who collapses!! Bad things happen to everyone, ya know? I guess it's what we make of everything. If you ever need to talk or feel lonely or crap, just come onto Loveshack and everyone here will make you feel better. You can PM me if you ever need to talk
Author muse82 Posted June 16, 2008 Author Posted June 16, 2008 Oh Muse82, some people tend to have a run of bad luck like that. I wish i could be there for you, that sounds awful. But you know what? that's life unfortunately. I think some people roll with the punches and other people just collapse. i'm clearly one of those who collapses!! Bad things happen to everyone, ya know? I guess it's what we make of everything. If you ever need to talk or feel lonely or crap, just come onto Loveshack and everyone here will make you feel better. You can PM me if you ever need to talk Thank you for you reply. I'm not able to PM because I'm not an established member yet. I really appreciate you reply and i have read up on some of your threads. Would like to learn more about your situation. How long has it been since the break-up?
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