I do not want my break up to define my new happiness...

[hecallsmepumpkin]

It's been 8 months since my ex and I have broken up. He was my first serious boyfriend and I was his second serious girlfriend. He is three years older than me... and I think my inexperience did get the best of me. I bent over backwards for him every way possible and he never returned the same appreciation or hard work. Towards the end of our relationship, he had chosen to seek ego boosts elsewhere from flirting and leading other women on... did he cheat on me? I do not think so... could it have happened? Absolutely. We were together for 2 and a half years. We had troubles with a couple of women in our relationship... and the second we broke up in October, he had jumped in bed with her a week and a half later. After 2 months of absolutely no contact, he came crawling back wanting me to give him another chance. He had tried to lie about this other girl but his friend accidentally slipped the message to me. I found out and I told him I couldn't trust him anymore. He backed off for a bit but decided to try harder. I told him after only a couple of weeks him "trying to win my trust back" when he started to get extremely angry that I hadn't forgiving him yet... (less than a month) that I really needed to take my time to build my trust in him again... and it won't take just a couple of weeks. We haven't talked since the day that I told him that he couldn't get angry or frustrated with me because I cannot just forget over night. We left it off as he understands and will stand by me until I see the trust again. I guess he got fed up because after that conversation he stopped talking to me, and two weeks later... had started dating him new girlfriend who he's dating now and still no word from him.

 

I know he bad mouths me all the time... he tells people how horrible I am, what I psycho I was, how I was controlling, jealous, and mean. I am none of those. In fact, if I was anything... I was too nice, I was too easy going, and I let him do whatever he wanted to do. When we first met, I admit... on a very superficial level I was "out of his league". I don't think I'm a 10... but he was a complete slob. What attracted me to him was his personality and the way he could make me laugh and just let me be me without him judging me. I had a lot of superficial friends (who were guys) and they were all dumbfounded when they realized I was dating him. But that didn't bother me because that was something I wanted to do. He was also quite lazy... he hated his job and complained about it every day. I told him ways that I thought could help him so he could at least be somewhat happy, and he just ignored it. When I graduated high school and decided that I was going to do my first year university on campus and then the rest through correspondence because I wanted to get some experience and really prove myself (which I am doing right now and is damn proud of myself) he couldn't support me. He absolutely hated me being "better than him" when in reality, I was just trying to make something out of myself.

 

I guess what I am trying to say is that I want to tell him what a big jerk he is. How could HE talk about ME like I was dirt when I didn't do ANYTHING wrong to him. He was the one who took ME for granted then jumped beds with other women. How could HE say that I was worthless when all I asked was some time so I can rebuild some trust but he was SO insecure that he NEEDED to be with someone RIGHT AWAY and he was the one who couldn't stand to be alone. He is the one who needs someone there because he cannot be independent and he always needs someone to filter the faults.

 

I want to tell him how he has no right to talk about me the way he does when he was the one who screwed up and because he couldn't fix it, it's easier for him to just say that it was all my fault.

 

I hate him and I don't want him to destroy my happiness anymore. I am 100% over HIM but I am not over the damage...