CD111 Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 Hi, I would like people opinions about me current situation. I met a new guy. We would text/talk/IM a few times a day. Nothing serious, most of the time we were just flirting; however, he did complement me numerous times, as I did him, and twice he suggested that we go out to do something. The second time, I said that I would like it if we did. Since then, I haven't heard from the guy in five days and if we are both on IM together he hasn't said anything to me. Now don't get me wrong I know there could be a million reasons why. From there being a bit of a distance issue between us, we don't live in the same city. To, maybe he decided that he wasn't that into me after all. I really don't think I did anything to "scare" him off. But I guess I would just like some more opinions about this situation for furture reference. Also I am totally not dwelling on this; however, have been left going...huh.
Enema Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 Why don't you message him? Not up to men to do all the chasing.
Author CD111 Posted June 16, 2008 Author Posted June 16, 2008 Every time he has contacted me I have always contacted him back. Also, I am trying to break my habit of chasing guys more then they are chasing me. It has never worked out for me in the past. The way I see it now, is if the guy is into me yet doesn't have the confidence to ask me out on a date. It shows insecurity, I don't want to date another insecure man. He suggested we go somewhere and do something. I said that I would like it if we did. I think the ball is in his court right now.
Trialbyfire Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 While I understand you not wanting to chase a guy, you can always just drop him a "hi! :)" and leave it at that. If he responds, let him take the initiative to ask you out again. When you accept, don't just say yes, say, "Sure, love to. What did you have in mind?".
Jilly Bean Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 I think some guys just like knowing that women WOULD be interested in them. Then they have no plan to ever pursue them. Its like when guys get numbers in bars, and then never actually call. If I were you, NO WAY would I contact him AT ALL. He asked you to do something, you agreed enthusiastically, and now he has gone MIA. He knows how to find you. Remember, if a guy isn't calling you, it's not because he's busy, or any other excuse. Interested men will always make their interest known...
45Reverse Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 Every time he has contacted me I have always contacted him back. Also, I am trying to break my habit of chasing guys more then they are chasing me. It has never worked out for me in the past. The way I see it now, is if the guy is into me yet doesn't have the confidence to ask me out on a date. It shows insecurity, I don't want to date another insecure man. He suggested we go somewhere and do something. I said that I would like it if we did. I think the ball is in his court right now. If you don't/won't ask this guy out does that also mean you have insecurities as well?
Pluto Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 What's with all this chasing gash? Contacting someone is not chasing them and making your intentions known is not chasing. If I like a girl, I let her know how I feel and then if she reciprocates to this, then I continue to the next level. It hasn't happened yet, a flawed approach perhaps? If he isn't contacting you, why don't you contact him and see how he reacts, though on IM that's going to be rather complexing. Just say hi, why not phone up and make your judgement by his tone of voice?
stillafool Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 In these bad economic times maybe he hasn't contacted you because he's waiting to get some money to take you out.
Pluto Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 stillafool, that doesn't hold water, because even if what you say is true, he could at least keep in contact with CD111.
Author CD111 Posted June 17, 2008 Author Posted June 17, 2008 Thanks for all the advice. I think I will give it one more shot. I really don't have that much to lose. I was seriously worried that I would be too forward by contacting him have him lose interest because I am up front. 45Reverse, no I am not insecure. If I lived in a world in which women could ask out men without any negative consequences later down the road then I wouldn't be typing this.
the_blur Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 If I lived in a world in which women could ask out men without any negative consequences later down the road then I wouldn't be typing this. Very curious as to what those are...?
I am who I am Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 45Reverse, no I am not insecure. If I lived in a world in which women could ask out men without any negative consequences later down the road then I wouldn't be typing this. HAHA... If only I lived in a world in which men could ask out women without any negative consequences later down the road. Errr... wait.... son of a .... You need to start dating others, yes, at the same time. You are hung up on one guy, who, by all means, does not appear to be into you, yet you are "giving him another shot"?!?
the_blur Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 HAHA... If only I lived in a world in which men could ask out women without any negative consequences later down the road. Errr... wait.... son of a .... Haha. This is the joke my post wants to be when it grows up.
stillafool Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 stillafool, that doesn't hold water, because even if what you say is true, he could at least keep in contact with CD111. Maybe his pride won't let him stay in contact until he can ask her out on a proper date and that takes gas and money. Since he did tell her they should do something he may not feel comfortable contacting her again until they can actually go out and do something.
refurb Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 45Reverse, no I am not insecure. If I lived in a world in which women could ask out men without any negative consequences later down the road then I wouldn't be typing this. You think it's any different for guys? The best thing you can do is stop taking the whole dating thing too seriously. If a guy rejects you or fails to pursue, it's no reflection on you. I mean, the guy doesn't even really know you! RF
FFTango Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 I never liked girls chasing me, it's the old cat & ball-on-a-string thing, if you keep the ball high enough the cat is interested and jumps for it, throw the ball in his lap and the cat will walk away, lie in the sun and won't call you. If he likes you, he had already called or let you know he wants to see you. A man is never to busy or far away (dunno how far it is, I live in a small country so..) to skip an opportunity for possible ssx or more (if he's really interested)
A.G.Doren Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 The reality of it is you just never know. But it won't hurt you to IM him.Especially won't hurt you if he's not interested, its not like he's going to get more not interested. If he is interested and something is going on then maybe this will prompt him to keep in touch.
Trialbyfire Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 The reality of it is you just never know. But it won't hurt you to IM him.Especially won't hurt you if he's not interested, its not like he's going to get more not interested. If he is interested and something is going on then maybe this will prompt him to keep in touch. This is how I see it, which is why you keep it short, friendly and non-committal. If he's shy, he might take it as encouragement to ask you out again.If he's too shy, he'll be too passive.If he's a gamer, you'll find out soon enough.If he's not interested, worse case scenario is that he won't respond, best case scenario is he will return the friendliness and nothing more.
Author CD111 Posted June 19, 2008 Author Posted June 19, 2008 Haha, I guess I should have clarified what "negative consequences" mean. What they don't mean is being rejected, or going on a few dates with a guy and later realizing he really wasn't your type. The negative consequences were that the guys I have initiated a relationship with. I asked them out myself or just told them how I felt about them all ended up being way to insecure, passive and lacked initiative. They wanted me to play the dominant role in the relationship. Which, just didn't work for me. I got sick and tired of being their "mom". I need someone who is my equal.
Author CD111 Posted June 19, 2008 Author Posted June 19, 2008 So I forgot to post an update. So I sent him a short, "Hey, how's it going?" message and he responded by asking when we were going to go out. So YAY me. Unfortunately my job sites all over the place right now and I am putting in 12+ hr days for the next few weeks so I am not completely sure when we will go out.
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