This is a nightmare

[Confused5433]

Im going through a tough time right now. I haven't seen or spoken to my ex sincer early Dec 07. I told him to not call me, email, txt, etc. He send me a holiday message, Valentines and a month ago a mass email. I didn't want to be rude (my mistake) so I reply to all with a brief, and nice thank you.

 

Yesterday he had the odacity to say to please not contact anymore. Is he crazy!! I never have, I was just being polite.

The worst part about this is that it really hurt, which means that Im still not over him and don't know if I'll ever be.

 

This on/off relationship went on for almost 3 yrs.

I don't know what to do. The feelings I had for this person were so deep and intense, that I still can't forget about him and I miss him so much sometimes.

 

How do you cope and move on?? I haven't dated, don't find anyone interesting. Im just alone and think about him on a daily basis.

 

It's driving me crazy. I wish I could do that treatment from that movie "eternal sunshine of the spotless mind" and forget my whole experience with him.

 

Please any advice will be much appreciate.

 

I just want to move on and not feel that burning, sadness, anguish that is killing me inside.

 

And I fear that I won't love anyone as much as I loved him.

 

What can I do?

[Issues & tissues]

I am not going to pretend I have the answer to your question - I don't. But I can empathize with you.

 

My ex and I were together for a very long time until he broke up with me on 1 Jan of this year. Almost six months down the line (3 months NC), I still sometimes feel like I have been run over by a double-decker bus and occasionally the pain is as sharp as the day he told me he was leaving me.

 

The thought of ever falling for anyone ever again is just so alien, even repulsive, to me right now. But this is a journey I have to make and with each step I am learning more about me.

 

For the most part I keep myself busy (I sing in a choir, I have vocal classes twice a week, I go to the theatre or the opera or a classical music concert, I travel a lot, mostly on business, and I swim whenever I can) because when I am busy I have to concentrate on something else.

 

The most difficult time for me is when I am alone, whether it be at home in the evenings after work, or at a cafe having a beer or simply when walking in the park. This is the time I am most vulnerable. This is when I am alone with my thoughts which are usually along the lines of "Why did he have to cheat and lie to me?" or "How could I have been such a poor judge of character?" or "Why couldn't he love me unconditionally just as I loved him unconditionally?".

 

I may not be able to offer much practical advice but I want you to know that you are not alone.

[Confused5433]

Thank you so much for your reply. You're not a poor judge of character, unless you saw the signs but didn't pay attention to them. I was a bad judge. I saw things in him from the first few months together and I ignored them. He also cheated on me and actually ended marrying the girl he cheated on me with. It's a long story and all my post are about him.

 

You know today I had a strange day. I woke up with so much peace about this whole situation. I kept thinking to myself, why do you even care anymore?

Really why? You were whole before him, and you will be whole after him. It's just a matter of time. I was getting so much better for 6 months but I had to reply to that email. Everything came back and it brought me completely down. I will just take it one day at a time and build myself up again.

 

Being so consumed by him made me forget and ignore what I do have. That's something I will work on and really focus on.

 

Im not much help either but those were just my thoughts for today.

[wareagle]

You have to find yourself again, for I feel you were like me in my past relationship where I lost my identity and forgot who I was and how I like the person I was!

 

Sure I was alone before her, but I really wasn't lonely, sure I longed to have someone in my life but I wasn't in a hurry to find someone until she came along! Took everything from me and didn't give much back! It's been three long months and I have to say that I am finding myself again and becoming the person I was before her!

 

We all lose apart of ourself when we give everything we have to someone. Just know that it will get better, but I have to stress that in order to heal you need to have total nc!!!

 

I am not very good at putting my feelings in writing so I hope that this helps you in some way! Hang in there there are alot of good people here at LS! Listen and learn it has done wonders for me! Goodluck!!