wonderingaboutlove Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 i think my boyfriend resents me He has two kids and he moved to baltimore with me 2 hours away from them. He has two kids by two different women. One child is 6 and the other is not even one year old. The child that he had while he was one year old he had while he was in a relationship with me. I have read so many times that the children are always supposed to come first. But this baby was not there before me, yet somehow my feelings have been neglected and I have been pushed to the back burner. I say this because he has said to me on several occasions that it is MY fault that he cannot see his kids anymore. But I didnt ask him to move in with me, he asked to come stay here. I can remember countless times where he left me home to go see his kids or some other excuse, and i was upset and hurt. So I dont really understand, but for the last three days I have been upset and crying. I told him yesterday that I dont want to be first in his life anymore, and saying that leaves me with the feeling that I shouldnt have to answer to him. Right now we are just engaged but if we got married would I still come third in his life? Would I spend nights alone while he is two hours away? Would I hold in my feelings because I dont want him blaming me? Like I said, his second child he had while he was in a relationship with me. He was in the delivery with this woman and didnt even tell me until months after the fact. The week that this child was born he didnt have a conversation with me for more then 5 minutes at a time. He didnt even tell me that this child existed until 5 months into the pregnancy. So I dont understand what going on. Where do I fit in?
D-Lish Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 There is absolutely no good reason for him to be blaming you for not getting enough time with his kids- especially if he asked to come stay with you. He is an adult- and he made the choice to move and be with you. It's truly unfair to make you feel guilty for his choices. Children will often come first for a good parent- but balance is key when you have kids and a romantic relationship.
Kamille Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 Would I spend nights alone while he is two hours away? This sentence strikes me as odd. Obviously your fiance will want to see his children and since they do live two hours away, yes, you will likely have to spend nights alone - unless you are ready to welcome his children into your home, or unless you can arrange a way to with him to see his children. Have you met them? Would I hold in my feelings because I dont want him blaming me? No you don't have to hold in your feelings, but you can take responsibility for them and make sure you understand them. It sounds to me like the misunderstanding you two have over his children goes both ways. Is it possible you resent him for how he handled telling you about the second child? How did you find out about this child? How did he tell you? How did you react? Why did he not tell you he was in the delivery room? Where do I fit in? Have you asked him this? What did he say?
Jilly Bean Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 How can you trust a guy who was dating you, and sitting in a delivery room with another woman who is giving birth to his child, and he doesn't tell you this until months later? Girl - WAY too much baby mama drama!!! I wonder when he will drop another bomb. Or kid he forgot to mention.
Author wonderingaboutlove Posted June 16, 2008 Author Posted June 16, 2008 This sentence strikes me as odd. Obviously your fiance will want to see his children and since they do live two hours away, yes, you will likely have to spend nights alone - unless you are ready to welcome his children into your home, or unless you can arrange a way to with him to see his children. Have you met them? No you don't have to hold in your feelings, but you can take responsibility for them and make sure you understand them. It sounds to me like the misunderstanding you two have over his children goes both ways. Is it possible you resent him for how he handled telling you about the second child? How did you find out about this child? How did he tell you? How did you react? Why did he not tell you he was in the delivery room? Have you asked him this? What did he say? I told him that his daughter could come here. Also his son's mother will not let his son come here because of what happened between them. She is very angry with him because of the way he treated her. As far as him telling me about the second child, I was devastated. He was seeing me and this other woman at the same time and I didnt know about it. We were not officially together just sleeping with each other and then when i decided that I wanted a real relationship with him he accepted. And then a few months into it he decides to tell me that he got someone else pregnant before we started becoming serious. I didnt understand because I didnt get why he didnt tell me that while we were "just friends", I asked him all the time if he was sleeping with other people and he would always tell me that he wasnt. I did ask him what my place in all this was and he said that I didnt have a place.
Author wonderingaboutlove Posted June 16, 2008 Author Posted June 16, 2008 Is he supporting himself or are you supporting him? i am supporting him. Since he has moved in wih me he has lost his job. He has been living with me since january and only worked there for 1 month. He doesnt have a car and he doesnt have a liscence. If he wants to see his children I have to drive him home if a friend doesnt, and sometimes he would take my car to go see his son(2nd child), which he wants to do for the next 2 weekends.
Author wonderingaboutlove Posted June 16, 2008 Author Posted June 16, 2008 i havnt felt this way in awhile, i feel so tiny. my head hurts all the time
Shygirl15 Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 i think my boyfriend resents me He has two kids and he moved to baltimore with me 2 hours away from them. He has two kids by two different women. One child is 6 and the other is not even one year old. The child that he had while he was one year old he had while he was in a relationship with me. I have read so many times that the children are always supposed to come first. But this baby was not there before me, yet somehow my feelings have been neglected and I have been pushed to the back burner. I say this because he has said to me on several occasions that it is MY fault that he cannot see his kids anymore. But I didnt ask him to move in with me, he asked to come stay here. I can remember countless times where he left me home to go see his kids or some other excuse, and i was upset and hurt. So I dont really understand, but for the last three days I have been upset and crying. I told him yesterday that I dont want to be first in his life anymore, and saying that leaves me with the feeling that I shouldnt have to answer to him. Right now we are just engaged but if we got married would I still come third in his life? Would I spend nights alone while he is two hours away? Would I hold in my feelings because I dont want him blaming me? Like I said, his second child he had while he was in a relationship with me. He was in the delivery with this woman and didnt even tell me until months after the fact. The week that this child was born he didnt have a conversation with me for more then 5 minutes at a time. He didnt even tell me that this child existed until 5 months into the pregnancy. So I dont understand what going on. Where do I fit in? I guess that means he cheated on you at some point with his 2nd baby mama, then? I'm sorry, I know you're engaged to this man, but I don't think what you have is the best situation. 1st, I don't appreciate the fact that he cheated on you. 2nd, not man enough to accept making mistakes and therefore decides to put blames on you. 3rd, keeps secrets, REF pregnancy and whatever happened afterwards concerning his last child. My suggestion would be that you start finding a way out of your relationship. Too much going on that has nothing to do with you, so why stressin' yourself. I know you love him and breaking up is very difficult, but trust me, once you recover from it you'll be very thankful you did what you did. Plus there are plenty of good, drama-free, single guys around, so why stressin' over him. You deserve somebody who puts you first and respects you. Please think hard and make the right decision for YOURSELF.
dreamergrl Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 I hate to say this but... This man needs to grow up and start taking care of himself and his children. He can't take care of himself (he's living off of you), obviously can't take care of his children, how do you expect to have a good life with this man? He feels guilt about his children, so he's blaming you. (been there done that with a guy who had a son). It's easier for him to place the blame on someone other then himself. I'd get rid of him, and if you're still sleeping with him, I hope you don't get pregnant!
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