Trialbyfire Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 No, I like very much to feel desire, but desire is the lack of something, so in that sense, it is a negative, right? Once the lack is fulfilled, then what? Does desire remain? Once again, I can only speak for me and yes, the more positive emotions generated, the higher my desire level. Of course, once in awhile, make up sex is pretty hot too.
carhill Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 Uncertainty and drama are separate emotional potentials, IMO. Perhaps we should define drama. Anyone want to take that on? IME, in a dramatic relationship, there is a symbiosis between the creator and the vacuum of the person caring the least. It's not so much that drama is created by both parties, rather it is incited by one and embodied in the other. I vastly prefer the intensity of spiritual symbiosis. Far more intense than any drama and purely effortless The sticky wicket is both parties having the psychology to deal with it.
Trialbyfire Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 Uncertainty and drama are separate emotional potentials, IMO. Perhaps we should define drama. Anyone want to take that on? IME, in a dramatic relationship, there is a symbiosis between the creator and the vacuum of the person caring the least. It's not so much that drama is created by both parties, rather it is incited by one and embodied in the other. I vastly prefer the intensity of spiritual symbiosis. Far more intense than any drama and purely effortless The sticky wicket is both parties having the psychology to deal with it. The bolded portion is what I mentioned earlier, in different terms. Where we differ is the area of caring the least. Sometimes it only takes the perception of caring least.
LikeCharlotte Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 I think the definition of "drama" is important here. I also think that it is harder to work through things in a very intense emotional/attraction relationship, but if it is managed it's as good as it gets! I think it just takes some strength, commitment and integrity. Then again what do I know... I posted a reply here that sums up my opinion. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t155338/
Storyrider Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 It is hard to explain what I'm saying. I'm not necessarily sure that I'm healthy in this regard. But maybe I do thrive on a small amount of drama, so long as I'm certain the other person truly loves me.
burning 4 revenge Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 No, I like very much to feel desire, but desire is the lack of something, so in that sense, it is a negative, right? Once the lack is fulfilled, then what? Does desire remain?No nothing remains except for time and meaningless words I agree with you
LikeCharlotte Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 It is hard to explain what I'm saying. I'm not necessarily sure that I'm healthy in this regard. But maybe I do thrive on a small amount of drama, so long as I'm certain the other person truly loves me. For the record I don't classify arguments or disagreements (even if they are intense and it gets heated and a door slams or someone walks out) as drama. Keying someones car, checking their phone an email, not "allowing" them to go out or throwing the Christmas tree over the balcony is drama. Where do you draw the line?
Storyrider Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 it is harder to work through things in a very intense emotional/attraction relationship, but if it is managed it's as good as it gets! I agree with this. If someone said to me, you can either be with someone who drives you completely nuts sometimes with their "issues" but also drives you wild with desire, or you can be with someone steady and emotionally healthy who leaves you luke warm, I would take the former. Now, the question is, could someone steady and emotionally healthy drive me wild with desire? And this is where I think I might be a bit defective.
LikeCharlotte Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 I agree with this. If someone said to me, you can either be with someone who drives you completely nuts sometimes with their "issues" but also drives you wild with desire, or you can be with someone steady and emotionally healthy who leaves you luke warm, I would take the former. Now, the question is, could someone steady and emotionally healthy drive me wild with desire? And this is where I think I might be a bit defective. I agree with you. Note the quote.... " Some say the world will end in fire, Some say in ice. From what I've tasted of desire, I hold with those who favour fire." - R. Frost
Storyrider Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 For the record I don't classify arguments or disagreements (even if they are intense and it gets heated and a door slams or someone walks out) as drama. Keying someones car, checking their phone an email, not "allowing" them to go out or throwing the Christmas tree over the balcony is drama. Where do you draw the line? Ha ha! Are those things that happened in your relationships? No, I wouldn't enjoy someone keying my car under any circumstances.
burning 4 revenge Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 Is the sex is hot there will inevitably be drama because there will always be jealousy and jealousy will cause tension If not, well then you can be good friends, like buddies and you guys can laugh and tell jokes and she can come cry on your shoulder in hard times until she needs her next good stabbing
Trialbyfire Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 I can't be with someone long-term or even short-term, who isn't emotionally healthy to a reasonable degree. Btdt with the emotionally unhealthy, won't ever do it again.
LikeCharlotte Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 Ha ha! Are those things that happened in your relationships? No, I wouldn't enjoy someone keying my car under any circumstances. Not to me, to people I've known. I was in an abusive relationship long ago. I don't take s*** anymore. And I also think that you can have the fire and healthy at the same time as long as the fire doesn't scare the tail off your mate (this did happen to me).
Storyrider Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 next good stabbing :lmao: WTF?? Is the sex is hot there will inevitably be drama because there will always be jealousy and jealousy will cause tension Or is the sex hot because there is tension, whether from jealousy or a touch of scarcity or a bit of conflict.
Storyrider Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 I can't be with someone long-term or even short-term, who isn't emotionally healthy to a reasonable degree. Btdt with the emotionally unhealthy, won't ever do it again. I married the most emotionally healthy person I have ever known. But I grew up in a family of neurotics. Neurosis feels like home to me.
burning 4 revenge Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 :lmao: WTF?? Or is the sex hot because there is tension, whether from jealousy or a touch of scarcity or a bit of conflict. Youre asking me? Im just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round I really love to watch them roll
Trialbyfire Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 I married the most emotionally healthy person I have ever known. But I grew up in a family of neurotics. Neurosis feels like home to me. Where I grew up in an emotionally healthy home and married a man with NPD! I need to be with someone who's emotionally healthy. My walk on the wild side is OVAH!
Storyrider Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 Where I grew up in an emotionally healthy home and married a man with NPD! I need to be with someone who's emotionally healthy. My walk on the wild side is OVAH! I hear what you're saying. You are probably wise. The pefect match for me is definitely not textbook. But that is what makes the world go round. If you find someone whose neuroses fit nicely with your own, and together you live in tragically beautiful disharmony for 50 years, you are technically codependent.
Storyrider Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 I will add that emotional health and stability is by far the best environment for kids.
Trialbyfire Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 I hear what you're saying. You are probably wise. The pefect match for me is definitely not textbook. But that is what makes the world go round. If you find someone whose neuroses fit nicely with your own, and together you live in tragically beautiful disharmony for 50 years, you are technically codependent. Can't win for trying in love. That's why I've given up. Far better to be self-dependent.
burning 4 revenge Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 I will add that emotional health and stability is by far the best environment for kids.but so bad for creating them which is why i encourage all stable fathers to look their kids over carefully
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