Gold Pile Posted June 15, 2008 Posted June 15, 2008 One of my clients "Bob" always invites me to his two picnics at the beginning and end of summer. Usually near but not on Memorial and Labor days. There are only a few hot women on his picnic guest list and only one of them shows any interest in me. All in all I don't like going but have to for business reasons. Bob and I sealed a biz deal Friday, he then invited me over for burgers and a dip in the pool Saturday. Being as it was going to be hot, humid, and I was the only guest I said yes. ( Bob's wife and teen daughters are good to look at too)Plus I can probably pass on his next formal event without harm. Turns out two of the hot ladies showed up. "silver" a 55+ professional model with long silver hair is absolutely the most elegant lady you'll ever see. She has the body of a 20 year old. She has no use for me. "Redy" is maybe 49 or 50. I could do without her tacky red dye job and her face is just ...OK, but her body is Pam Anderson material. Redy was pleased to see me. I asked her for her number a couple of times but she declined. She was concerned about the weather on Monday. I told her to call the "weather phone" at 555-&%#*. When my phone rang I announced that I now had her number. The problem with having a pool is that people just show up on hot days. Three old obese "the girls" as Bob's family calls them showed up. These obese monsters are at his formal picnics and they love poor Gold Pile. They devoured the food and had to digest it on the deck while the rest of us hit the pool. I do keep in shape and Redy gave me a lusty look, the fat girls bellowed their appreciation. I flipped a large foam float upside down so it made a dome I could walk under.(pool is 4 feet deep)I lifted it up just a little so Redy could see me under it, I gestured for her join me. Eventually (after I made kissing noises) she joined me under the dome. We wasted no time...a little kiss and roving hands. After 30 seconds or so she left and yelled "watch out Gold Pile is under the dome and copping feels". The pool was rocked by 3 thunderous splashes as" the girls" jumped in. They chased me around the pool for two laps. The whole time they shrieked that I was after them! They were closing in so I made a desperate climb out...not at the pool ladder but up onto the deck. I was nearly out when Silver smiled (such a pretty smile) and pushed me back into the pool. I looked into her beautiful eyes and said "why?":eek: I felt like plankton in a whale feeding frenzy. One gently pinched me, another harshly pinched me here and ...sigh...there, the other pulled at my swim trunks. Holding my trunks up left my face open to their steak sized tongues. They kept pleading for help saying that I was groping them. Finally Bob broke it up, he said "knock it off GP, leave them alone". I was soon left alone in the pool. I felt used and humiliated. I slowly swam over to the pool skimmer and retrieved my trunks. At least I got Redy's number, I'll call her in a few days.
Lizzie60 Posted June 15, 2008 Posted June 15, 2008 OMG.. this is sooo hilarious.. I almost piss in my pants.. 'steak size' tongue.. obese monsters.. I am soo freaken tired.. you just put a smile on my face.. you're the BEST!!!!! my sweetheart...
Author Gold Pile Posted June 15, 2008 Author Posted June 15, 2008 OMG.. this is sooo hilarious.. I almost piss in my pants.. 'steak size' tongue.. obese monsters.. I am soo freaken tired.. you just put a smile on my face.. you're the BEST!!!!! my sweetheart... :love: Thanks dear.
Author Gold Pile Posted June 15, 2008 Author Posted June 15, 2008 Builds character.I like many of your short-n-witty replies, but this one went right over my head.
johan Posted June 15, 2008 Posted June 15, 2008 Getting molested by huge, wet chicks in a pool builds character. You just don't want it to happen too often. I also think that Silver should spend some time with Gold.
GPFan Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 The pool was rocked by 3 thunderous splashes as" the girls" jumped in. They chased me around the pool for two laps. The whole time they shrieked that I was after them! They were closing in so I made a desperate climb out...not at the pool ladder but up onto the deck. I was nearly out when Silver smiled (such a pretty smile) and pushed me back into the pool. I looked into her beautiful eyes and said "why?":eek: I felt like plankton in a whale feeding frenzy. One gently pinched me, another harshly pinched me here and ...sigh...there, the other pulled at my swim trunks. Holding my trunks up left my face open to their steak sized tongues. They kept pleading for help saying that I was groping them. Finally Bob broke it up, he said "knock it off GP, leave them alone". I was soon left alone in the pool. I felt used and humiliated. I slowly swam over to the pool skimmer and retrieved my trunks. At least I got Redy's number, I'll call her in a few days. :lmao: Another good one Gold Pile! Your patient humour with "the girls" will pay off for you with Redy and, possibly, Silver. Good going!
Trialbyfire Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 I thought in every date Gold Pile went on, there were some serious swim races involved. I guess this time, he had to do the swimming.
D-Lish Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 You should just cover yourself in steak sauce and ring the dinner bell next time. Sometimes, when you squint... people look better. Give it a try. You must spend a lot of time re-filling your pool by the sounds of the big splashes your friends make.
Author Gold Pile Posted June 17, 2008 Author Posted June 17, 2008 You should just cover yourself in steak sauce and ring the dinner bell next time. Sometimes, when you squint... people look better. Give it a try. You must spend a lot of time re-filling your pool by the sounds of the big splashes your friends make. Wasn't my pool. I would never invite such "friends". You're so right...Booze and squinting can improve others looks.
D-Lish Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 Wasn't my pool. I would never invite such "friends". You're so right...Booze and squinting can improve others looks. haha. Well, at the next function just recite this mantra and see what kind of big splash it makes: "Big mac, filet o' fish, quarter pounder, french fries...icy coke, milkshakes, sundaes and apple pies...." You'll be like the pied piper of all the "large and in charge" pool side ladies. Oh, and I used to squint and tell my husband "hey- you look like brad pitt". Hmm, he divorced me.
sam light Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 haha. Well, at the next function just recite this mantra and see what kind of big splash it makes: "Big mac, filet o' fish, quarter pounder, french fries...icy coke, milkshakes, sundaes and apple pies...." You'll be like the pied piper of all the "large and in charge" pool side ladies. Better yey, toss the junk food and make your escape while they chase after it.
Recommended Posts