myfatsym Posted June 15, 2008 Posted June 15, 2008 About two years ago, I met a girl who was a little older than me. We often talked online about things, and one night she completely opened up with me. She had been dating a guy who was addicted to various drugs and alcohol, and his parents sent him away to a boarding school. They were in love, and she was trying her hardest to get on without him. But the way that we talked together, it was almost as if we were the two who were in love. We talked about everything, and somehow always understood one another. It often brought me to tears. It opened my eyes. She recently graduated and now I have almost no way to get in touch with her, so I have moved on. Towards the end of the year though, I started dating someone. She is smart, funny, and cheerful, but my expectations are being killed. I have tried talking with this girl the same way that I did with the other one, but she cannot seem to understand. It feels to me as if she is treating it as a moment of weakness for me and I will soon be over it. I tried talking to her tonight, and she became completely confused and said something along the lines of "I don't know what you want me to say", when truthfully all I wanted was someone to listen. I need someone to empathize with me. And she never opens up either; its as if she has no underlying emotions. I wanted to dive right into this relationship, but right now the water is too shallow. Are my expectations too high? Or is she shying away from me? What can I do?
Trialbyfire Posted June 15, 2008 Posted June 15, 2008 Not everyone is comfortable talking about emotions and sad to say, not everyone has sufficient depth. You cannot create a deeper connection with someone who's not capable of it. I think you have two choices. Accept that your current g/f is a pleasant companion or find someone who can connect at the level you need.
Suiyobi Posted June 15, 2008 Posted June 15, 2008 Maybe you're rushing into talking about deep stuff with her. Take it slow and, if anything, let her be the one to initiate a conversation with deep issues. I doubt your expectations are high and I don't think the girl is shying away from you either. I think it was just all bad timing. I'm sure everyone has dealt some serious issue in their lives, but they're not always going to be quick to open up about it. Again man, take it slow. Remember, to get to the bottom of the ocean you have to step into shallow waters first.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted June 15, 2008 Posted June 15, 2008 Not everyone is comfortable talking about emotions and sad to say, not everyone has sufficient depth. You cannot create a deeper connection with someone who's not capable of it. I think you have two choices. Accept that your current g/f is a pleasant companion or find someone who can connect at the level you need. This pretty much says it all.
carhill Posted June 15, 2008 Posted June 15, 2008 OP, if you instinctively desire a deep emotional connection and see signs from a woman that she is not interested in or capable of one, take that to heart. I married someone like that, not knowing clearly my needs in that area and I implore you to not be me I know, in my future, the inability of a woman to connect with me on that level will be a deal-breaker. You'll need to assign the importance of such a connection at a level appropriate for you. BTW, IME, the women I've met who have the most difficulty with emotional intimacy are those who have been damaged, most consistently in childhood. It's really heartbreaking for me to see. I can't begin to express how fortunate I really was to have good, loving parents. I'd suggest making an effort to contact your old friend. One never knows what life will bring
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