Author MaxManwell Posted June 16, 2008 Author Posted June 16, 2008 If that's all your criteria, you've got some pretty simple standards. Nope, I also like short (by my standards which is probably tall for a girl), black haired blue, eyed, pale skinned brunettes who work in the service industry mmmmmmmmm yummmy (yes a waitress fetish). Or any subservient position for that matter maaaaaaaan they are cute. I do love those brunettes, unfortunately they have far too many standards and a depth of personality that I simply cannot match. The kind that merely wants money, I think might be a little easier to obtain but I wouldn't want a relationship based on money. In that case I think I'll marry a red head or a little brown haired girl. If I ever become a successful mid to late 30's consultant (which is unlikely) I'll keep those women in mind. I could probably play that field pretty well. Given my chances of becoming a successful business consultant are small, and my chances of dating a cute waitress / bartender/ any other woman who serves me are even smaller, I might have to settle. Settle for a decent and kind hearted woman with a pass grade in looks, intelligence, and morals. I don't think I will be setting any bar, declaring any niche marketing, or shunning universal appeal I may or may not have.
carhill Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 MM, I'd counsel against bantering with TBF. She'll eviscerate you and play with your entrails, all while looking you straight in the eye (j/k TBF) But, seriously, MM, we all want what we want in relationships. It's personal and voluntary. I hope you get what you want
Trialbyfire Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 Nope, I also like short (by my standards which is probably tall for a girl), black haired blue, eyed, pale skinned brunettes who work in the service industry mmmmmmmmm yummmy (yes a waitress fetish). Or any subservient position for that matter maaaaaaaan they are cute. I do love those brunettes, unfortunately they have far too many standards and a depth of personality that I simply cannot match. The kind that merely wants money, I think might be a little easier to obtain but I wouldn't want a relationship based on money. In that case I think I'll marry a red head or a little brown haired girl. If I ever become a successful mid to late 30's consultant (which is unlikely) I'll keep those women in mind. I could probably play that field pretty well. Given my chances of becoming a successful business consultant are small, and my chances of dating a cute waitress / bartender/ any other woman who serves me are even smaller, I might have to settle. Settle for a decent and kind hearted woman with a pass grade in looks, intelligence, and morals. I don't think I will be setting any bar, declaring any niche marketing, or shunning universal appeal I may or may not have. You're taking this awfully personally. I have a set of criteria and standards. If you don't fit into those standards, that's not a big deal. If I don't fit your standards, trust me, that's A-okay.
Author MaxManwell Posted June 16, 2008 Author Posted June 16, 2008 You're taking this awfully personally. I have a set of criteria and standards. If you don't fit into those standards, that's not a big deal. If I don't fit your standards, trust me, that's A-okay. I'm just saying we've all got standards in life I just think it helps to approach finding a boyfriend or girlfriend with an open mind and not be too specific. If we're not flexible we narrow our chances significantly. Which is what I was trying to show in my rant above. In short I guess we miss out on meeting people that could be fantastic for us, but we'll never know if we don't have an open mind. I get the slightest hint that you may be Jaded by your experiences with a certain type of man.
Trialbyfire Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 MM, I'd counsel against bantering with TBF. She'll eviscerate you and play with your entrails, all while looking you straight in the eye (j/k TBF) But, seriously, MM, we all want what we want in relationships. It's personal and voluntary. I hope you get what you want I'm flattered that I'm capable of eviscerating anyone while still leaving them enough entrails to remain upright, for the purposes of eye contact.
Trialbyfire Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 I'm just saying we've all got standards in life I just think it helps to approach finding a boyfriend or girlfriend with an open mind and not be too specific. If we're not flexible we narrow our chances significantly. Which is what I was trying to show in my rant above. In short I guess we miss out on meeting people that could be fantastic for us, but we'll never know if we don't have an open mind. I get the slightest hint that you may be Jaded by your experiences with a certain type of man. I know what you're saying but I do know what I want. I've done a lot of dating and had enough long-term and short-term relationships to know what works and doesn't work for me. As for being jaded, yes, right now I don't have much use for relationships. This will pass, as it always does.
Author MaxManwell Posted June 16, 2008 Author Posted June 16, 2008 I know what you're saying but I do know what I want. I've done a lot of dating and had enough long-term and short-term relationships to know what works and doesn't work for me. As for being jaded, yes, right now I don't have much use for relationships. This will pass, as it always does. Why I think your selling yourself short is because what you say you want just about every other woman within your vicinity (as far as profession goes) will be saying the same thing and will be after the same man. Have you had a look at online dating profiles ? it is always the same old thing from women 'ambition and drive, financially stable'. Something has got to give in that situation and more than likely, you will be making compromises in other areas. So in the end I guess what irks people like me and makes me think your comments are self destructive is that you are valuing money and status over what will be altruistic measures. To me that just strikes a bad moral cord and is a good recipe for mysery. Money is important, but I think there should be a balance.
Trialbyfire Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 Why I think your selling yourself short is because what you say you want just about every other woman within your vicinity (as far as profession goes) will be saying the same thing and will be after the same man. Have you had a look at online dating profiles ? it is always the same old thing from women 'ambition and drive, financially stable'. Something has got to give in that situation and more than likely, you will be making compromises in other areas. So in the end I guess what irks people like me and makes me think your comments are self destructive is that you are valuing money and status of what will be altruistic measures. To me that just strikes a bad moral cord and is a good recipe for mysery. Money is important, but I think there should be a balance. Once again, I understand what you're saying. This particular thread didn't provide the opportunity for me to throw out my 400 ft scroll for requirements, before I'm willing to enter into anything with anybody. The attributes mentioned in this thread don't even rate in my top ten. When I say niche market, I mean a serious niche market. We're talking less than 1% of the male population of which many of the attributes might or might not be what the balance of the female population are looking for. I'm well aware this greatly limits the dating pool for me to source but I'm seriously okay with this.
EnigmaVariation Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 The man should learn to do all of the handy man things around the house and be protective of a woman. Do you think a woman should learn to serve a man ? Do you think it should be part of her duties to treat a man like you would a guest ? Little things like make him a drink or serve dinner on the weekends (understandable you can't do that on the weekdays if you both work). For symbolism sake it would make the man more likely to be affectionate and all the handyman stuff make the woman feel like she is getting something out of the relationship. A derivation of the word serve is servant. According to webster.com, a reputable online dictionary, the definition of the word servant is: Main Entry: ser·vant Listen to the pronunciation of servant Pronunciation: \ˈsər-vənt\ Function: noun Etymology: Middle English, from Anglo-French, from present participle of servir Date: 13th century : one that serves others <a public servant>; especially : one that performs duties about the person or home of a master or personal employer — ser·vant·hood Listen to the pronunciation of servanthood \-ˌhu̇d\ noun — ser·vant·less adjective I believe that the root word of servant - "serve" - implies an imbalance in a relationship. Since you are a private person and choose not to reveal anything personal about yourself (well within your rights as a poster here on the forum), it is possible that what you are asking in this thread is specific to your cultural upbringing or the area of the world you live in. In this century in the United States two people who are in a relationship work equally to make sure that the other person is happy. No one serves anyone or performs duties - that is what a maid or servant does. A successful relationship in this day and age is a partnership that balances love, happiness, work, and responsibility.
Author MaxManwell Posted June 16, 2008 Author Posted June 16, 2008 Service is good and honorable. Soldiers serve, policemen serve its all a good thing.
serial muse Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 Service is good and honorable. Soldiers serve, policemen serve its all a good thing. Cool. So then do you believe that a husband or BF should serve his woman?
carhill Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 I'll be serving my woman coffee in bed shortly. I see no indignity in that. Even if her bed happens to be in another room. Things I do for her I do out of the love I have within me. It has nothing to do with her. Come on over and I'll show you Am I her servant? No. Her loss is that I could be so much more to her if she had the ability to reciprocate my loving service. Hope that makes sense...
serial muse Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 I'll be serving my woman coffee in bed shortly. I see no indignity in that. Even if her bed happens to be in another room. Things I do for her I do out of the love I have within me. It has nothing to do with her. Come on over and I'll show you Am I her servant? No. Her loss is that I could be so much more to her if she had the ability to reciprocate my loving service. Hope that makes sense... I believe that you do, carhill. And I agree - it's much better when both people want to do things for each other. When my BF does nice stuff for me he sure gets it in return. My hands are still sore from the hour-long massage I gave him the other night.
blind_otter Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 I grew up with relatively traditional parents and my mother did do acts of service for my father to show her love for him. She cooked almost all meals (he did the turkey on thanksgiving, though), she would prepare his plate for him when they ate together. She sewed clothes for my Dad, and would sit with him and wash his back while he bathed. Late in life, she served him his food in bed when he was bed ridden, rubbed his feet. Well she pretty much did everything for him, in the end. She did all this while working full time and caring for 3 children, but I admit that my father was the one who did the lion's share of child rearing (he was retired and at home most of the time after I was about 8yrs old, so it naturally fell to him to raise the children while she worked). In my own life I tend to do acts of service as well, to show my love. It's the way I express my tender emotions to my loved ones. Cooking for them, or rubbing their feet/back, or preparing their plate for them at dinner is just something I do out of genuine loving feelings. When I don't feel loving, I don't do these acts of service. My SO does acts of service as well, it's both of our "language of love". Our division of labor at home is very traditional. He does all the yard work, taking out the trash, cleaning and maintaining the pool and the garage. But since I've been heavily pregnant he has picked up other chores, as well, to help because I cannot move around like I did when I wasn't so pregnant. I guess for me, acts of service are part and parcel of my love for my partner. It's what I grew up watching, and that influenced how I developed as an adult.
carhill Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 Exactly B_O.... I watched my mom take care of my dad for 3-4 years at home while he died of cancer and did everything else too. In retrospect I could've done more during that time, and did later, for her, after he died, and again when she developed dementia a number of years ago. I think the important thing is that the "act" is received, both in reality and in intent, in the manner it is intended. This is a fundamental disconnect for my wife and I. She grew up very differently and developed a different perspective on such "service". I didn't see this incompatibility until much later, most poignantly after entering MC last year. Now I accept it, not to be confused with being willing to live with it
Trialbyfire Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 It's the entitlement that comes with the word "serve" that bothers me. No one needs to "serve" you. If they care enough, they will pamper you by wanting to please you with the same or similar, reciprocated. Voluntary action is so much more meaningful than a traditional requirement.
dreamergrl Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 I love doing things for my SO, but I refuse to be the only one to do things. It should be a two way street. There needs to be appreciation. I don't think the word serve is appropriate though. A relationship isn't about serving one. It should be about both halves showing their feelings to the other with acts of love. Those acts will vary with every person.
SugarKiss Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 I used to be a cop before I took the bar. "To serve and protect" took on a slighly different meaning for us down at the station house. I don't believe that the "serve" part every included cooking dinner for the "girls" who stayed with us in our little gray motel room, and I don't ever recall rubbing a perp's aching shoulders after he had a hard might breaking into houses. I don't understand the point you are trying to make, I was refering to the protection one offers in a relationship and you quote me and give and example of what a cop does!?!?!? of course you didn't "rub the shoulders of a crook" you were not inlove with the crook you were perfoming a paid job. your example is totally off, unless I missed something here... my point was that in every day life a man does not fight off dangers for his woman, much like Maxmanwell suggested would be a fair tradeoff for a woman who served a man, for him to protect her in exchange. it's not fair at all since a woman is not in daily danger for a man to protect her.
luvmy2ns Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 It's the entitlement that comes with the word "serve" that bothers me. No one needs to "serve" you. If they care enough, they will pamper you by wanting to please you with the same or similar, reciprocated. Voluntary action is so much more meaningful than a traditional requirement. TBF, you nailed it honey! And "traditional requirements" went out the window about the same time Leave it to Beaver went off the air. I mean, really. I work a full time job and THEN have to do all the things a stay at home mom has all day to do. Granted, many stay at home moms have toddlers and younger kids, and I remember how difficult those years are. So stay at home moms, please don't beat me up verbally. My youngest is now 14. He can take care of himself to a degree. And of course he does chores and earns allowance. But the rest - the budgeting, shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. all falls on my shoulders AFTER I get home from work. If my boyfriend expected to be "served" he'd have a rude awakening - AFTER he regained consciousness. lol Of course, if he's had a hard day (he's on his feet a lot) and I am aware of it, I'll often "do" his feet - a nice soak with some peppermint and eucalyptis, foot scrub, lotions... I do these things because I care about him and love him - NOT because it's my "duty" as a woman. On the other hand, if I were on MY feet all day, he should want to do the same for me for the same reasons. This is just one example of the ways I show love for my baby. The fact that it's MY choice and not some duty foisted upon me by some guy who is stuck in the 1950's makes the offerings of love that much more valuable.
dreamergrl Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 This is not at all meant to be bashing - what so ever. But.. OP has been paying for a service and does not fully understand the idea of two people doing things because they care, not because it's their "job". A real relationship isn't about all take and no give. If someone is doing something because it's expected out of them, it's not from the heart, so what meaning does it have? I wouldn't want my boyfriend to do something because he's expected to do so, I would want him to do something because he cares.
Trialbyfire Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 Exactly luv! One of my favourite things to do for my man is to cook for him, but only if he enjoys it and is willing to put his share in by either helping or cleaning up afterwards. It's also the perfect way to spend time together, where opportunities for physical contact are maximized. One way to please your man is to make a tapas-style dinner and feed him, while sitting on his lap. This includes wearing something cut low and high, with corresponding heels. It appears to go over quite well, as a currency for love.
Lookingforward Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 I used to be a cop before I took the bar. "To serve and protect" took on a slighly different meaning for us down at the station house. I don't believe that the "serve" part every included cooking dinner for the "girls" who stayed with us in our little gray motel room, and I don't ever recall rubbing a perp's aching shoulders after he had a hard might breaking into houses. Perhaps because you were paid to "serve and protect" the PUBLIC, not the perps you caught !!
luvmy2ns Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 Exactly luv! One of my favourite things to do for my man is to cook for him, but only if he enjoys it and is willing to put his share in by either helping or cleaning up afterwards. It's also the perfect way to spend time together, where opportunities for physical contact are maximized. One way to please your man is to make a tapas-style dinner and feed him, while sitting on his lap. This includes wearing something cut low and high, with corresponding heels. It appears to go over quite well, as a currency for love. Oooo! You painted a very sexy picture there, TBF! My boy is off to visit his dad for his portion of the summer in a week. I think I might have to try that one out on my sweety! I have a GREAT teddy for just such an occasion.
Trialbyfire Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 Oooo! You painted a very sexy picture there, TBF! My boy is off to visit his dad for his portion of the summer in a week. I think I might have to try that one out on my sweety! I have a GREAT teddy for just such an occasion. It's guaranteed quality time for all involved! He's going to love it.
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