kikilynk Posted June 15, 2008 Posted June 15, 2008 Well, my boy and broke up on May 4 and it completely tore me up. I really love him. I would do anything to be back with him. I thought he was the "ONE." I could see myself with him for the rest of my life. We started dating in November and it started off very well. It also started out long distance. But we decided we liked each other enough to at least try. Well during our relationship we had numerous fights, most were because of me, not wanting him to go home or being insecure in some way. But these fights mostly occurred when we were apart from each other or when he was leaving. They were dumb fights...over dumb insignificant stuff. But when we were together we were extremely happy. Regardless, a fight is what broke us up. I pretty much gave him an ultimatum, either he call me or not. So he said he couldn't handle it anymore. He is not into conflict and arguing and said it was too much stress. Post break up, I was a mess. I was very desperate, I begged, I called, I cried, I fought, and I promise to change. Well it has been a month and I still have not let go of him. I am still pushy even though I mean very well. I am still hoping he will tell me it was a mistake. We talked a week ago and everything was fine till I said I missed him. Mind you the day before, I yelled at him for not trying to call me more and being around me. He went off on me, said he didn't think we would work and our relationship was not worth it. I love him so much. I miss him so much. It broke my heart to hear that again. So we talked again today earlier because he had an ex gf who I have had a hard time dealing with bc they were going to move in together and she was going to move her life in her state to be with him here in texas. That is major. But he said he cared about me more than anyone he has ever dated and I guess I am just jealous bc his relationship with her was way more advanced than ours. Anyways, when we were dating I found emails she sent to him. I asked him if he had talked to her and he said no. Then, I had him delete her off of his myspace and after our breakup he added her back. So I freaked, he cant call me but he can chat with her, whatever. So, I told him I was done and after a couple of hours and his repeated asking of what he did, I told him and he laughed. He said that she was his friend and he never wanted to delete her it was only bc of me that he did it. So, we argued and then after calming down I said I was tired of fighting and this has to change. He agreed and said, "if I would allow him to see me on tues (going to be up in his town for business) we could talk, maybe grab a drink if I didn't want dinner?" I replied that I would see him but I dont think drinking is right for either of us. We need to talk w/o any influence. He said ok. And that is where we are at now. I want him back. I want us to be happy again. I hate that I have turned into that pathetic girl. Please give me some advice. Is it too late? How do I get him back?
kizik Posted June 15, 2008 Posted June 15, 2008 I don't know, Kiki. Your story and mine are very similar - my g/f and i broke up May 4th of this year, too, as a result of a long distance R. It's been 5 weeks and I'm still almost just as sad as I was that first week. I don't think your ex BF is going to tell you it was a mistake. i'm sorry. My ex isn't going to call me and say that, either. Think about it: it's been 5 weeks for you as well as for me. In that amount of time, the person who wanted out has moved even further along in their recovery than how they felt right at the point of the break up. You have to understand that he lost you in his heart way before the breakup. That's why he said he "couldn't handle it anymore." And you begging, calling, pleading only pushes him further and makes him more steadfast in his position. I think telling our exes "we miss them" when we're broken up is a bad idea, b/c it doesn't change anything, and it reveals too much emotion. You have to restrain yourself. And you have to stop thinking about getting back with him. You broke up for a reason. You know? And you have to accept that you will not be together like that, ever again.
Trialbyfire Posted June 15, 2008 Posted June 15, 2008 You have to ask yourself why you're so addicted to a roller coaster relationship. Are you addicted to the highs? Are the lows worth it? Did you subconsciously create drama, to create the highs and lows?
borelandkaren Posted June 15, 2008 Posted June 15, 2008 You have to ask yourself why you're so addicted to a roller coaster relationship. Are you addicted to the highs? Are the lows worth it? Did you subconsciously create drama, to create the highs and lows? Great points TBF. U really need to question where this relationship was going with so much conflict. It seems to me that there was so much insecurity on your part and maybe it's best for you to stay parted from him and do a bit of work on the internal conflicts that you have. You need to get things sorted in your own head before you can be a viable option for anyone, otherwise the baggage you have in every relationship will be carried through to the next. Good luck, darl.
Trialbyfire Posted June 15, 2008 Posted June 15, 2008 Thanks. It comes from personal experience but not from the side of the person causing the drama. I was in this relationship which would go smoothly, seeming to progress for awhile, then the drama would begin. Back and forth, up and down, until it simply stopped being worthwhile.
blackberry23 Posted June 15, 2008 Posted June 15, 2008 Sure you want him back, but it obviously ended for a reason, most likely more than one. Even if everything does work out and you do get back together, at some point in the relationship, it's going to go back to how it was. It's called a break-up because it's broken. Even if you think it's your fault for being insecure and starting fights, there's a reason as to why you felt insecure. You should be with someone who you do not feel insecure with! My ex broke up with me and I seriously was in shock...but then we "tried to work it out" but I was soooo insecure that A) he was going to break it off again B) that he really didn't want to be with me b/c he just broke up with me. When you're insecure, it only upsets things 10x more! I totally know where you're coming from when you say you miss him and you want to be happy again!! I feel the same way about my ex but you have to realize that you can't live in the past. Maybe you were happy at one point, but not right now. I know not everyone's situations are the same but my ex finally did come back and say "it was a mistake" after about two months and "dating" another girl. Stupid me gave into temptation.. gave him another chance to only have my heart broken again when he decided he needed to be alone! If I were you, i'd take time away for him completely, no talking, no nothing...and after a period of time if you both really want to be together then try it out, but I would seriously take time away from each other.
Author kikilynk Posted June 15, 2008 Author Posted June 15, 2008 Thanks everyone, I know I need to try NC. But I find it really hard. I am going to see him on tues. and chat with him and after that resume with NC. Thanks.
sedgwick Posted June 15, 2008 Posted June 15, 2008 The only thing you can do at this point is just stop begging and chasing. That only pushes them further away, unfortunately. I would be upset too if my SO "made" me delete my friends from my accounts just because they happened to be exes. I think you just came off as too needy and too insecure for him -- guys can't handle that stuff. What are you doing in your life right now that is just for you? What passions are you following?
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