lesoiseaux Posted June 15, 2008 Posted June 15, 2008 I'm new to this forum but I've been reading for a while and have found your advice helpful, so I finally decided to join. I'll try to keep this short but I have an affinity for parenthetical statements, so I don't know how successful I'll be I have been dating my boyfriend for about 6 months and currently we are away from each other for the summer, as the school year has ended (by the way, we are both 19 and haven't really dated prior to this). Summer break is about 3 months long and it's been about 3 weeks so far. So here's the problem...my boyfriend is awful at communication. We talk a couple times a week on the phone (I usually initiate the calls, but in the past week or so I've been trying to change that by holding back a bit) and occasionally online. Phone calls are usually pretty nice and on the shorter side, probably too short for most people (around 15-30 minutes, neither of us are particularly interested in very long phone conversations), while online conversations are generally pretty blah, as he isn't usually one to talk online and thus doesn't say much. While he's already bad at conveying emotions, it is even worse when it's in the written word. Now as a side note, I have spent every single break (Thanksgiving, winter, and spring, during all of which we've been apart) getting used to the fact that he is not too communicative and is just able to distract himself easily. I would say I am now 90% used to it. He is a very introverted guy when it comes to things like expressing his feelings (as it is with many guys, but I think it's 100 times worse with him) and I'm assuming that his rationale throughout our relationship has been "I'm dating you, I'm loyal to you, I spend time with you...of course I like you, what's the problem?" So I can only imagine his rationale while we're apart. He generally separates our respective times at home as just that, "home time," so it's not that he's ignoring me, he's just having a good time. Anyway, I try my best to understand his bad communication and the fact that it is not a reflection of how much he likes me, but that's difficult to do when I don't get to actually spend time with him in person (and won't be able to for a little over 2 months). We haven't said "I love you" or anything (personally I think many people my age rush into that) and we're generally taking thing as they come, as in no labels of our relationship as long-term or short-term--we're just 2 people who like each other and are exclusive. I do let him know how much he means to me and it's not like he's a complete rock--he has, on the occasions he can get over his desire to be manly and unemotional, said some nice things to me that indicate his feelings. I think he's more of the type of guy to show his affection by spending time with me, not by remaining in constant contact with me and/or showering me with affectionate words, names, and whatnot. My problem basically is...I understand all this, but I am still having difficulty coming to terms with it all. I just wish he would reach out a little more often, nothing like daily contact but something a little more than what we've been doing. Sometimes I still get confused and it's difficult for me to imagine that I still have 2 months of this! Any advice/suggestions/comments would be appreciated! I can provide more background information if necessary.
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