purplepoodle Posted June 15, 2008 Posted June 15, 2008 What is it going to take for me to go NC? I wake up every morning swearing I will but when he contacts me (which is about once a week) I talk to him like an idiot!! He is very cold now, which breaks my heart every time. I know what the end result is going to be every time, yet I still do it. We stop talking, I feel like sh*t due to his coldness and lack of caring and he goes back to his new fiancee and their happy life of wedding planning.
ioncebelieved Posted June 15, 2008 Posted June 15, 2008 You are thick skulled as me, huh??? Funny thing is the person I try to NC, lives in your state and about 50 miles south of you!!! NC should help, but I always go for 2-3 weeks and cave in like a chump!!! I know the feeling....That is only encouragement I can provide. Sorry.
kizik Posted June 15, 2008 Posted June 15, 2008 Yeah, you really do need to stop. It would be one thing if he was single... but talking to you while he's engaged is absurd. My ex and I are NC for over a month now. It's awful. I sure hope she aint with someone else.
ioncebelieved Posted June 15, 2008 Posted June 15, 2008 Well, I could suggest me coming there and us hang out, driven up there many of times as it were. ;-) So wouldn't not be a problem!! My car knows I-95 well, it is my trail of tears.
Author purplepoodle Posted June 15, 2008 Author Posted June 15, 2008 IOB: I'm glad to know I'm not in this weakness boat alone. LOL I never contact him, he's always the one to initiate it. Then he's just so cold when he does. Is your ex distant when you do talk? Kizik: You are so right. I just can't figure out why I'm so weak and keep doing it. I'm usually pretty strong too, but not here. I mean, is he going to get married, have some kids and STILL be contacting me every once in a while for whatever reason he may have?
borelandkaren Posted June 15, 2008 Posted June 15, 2008 What is it going to take for me to go NC? I wake up every morning swearing I will but when he contacts me (which is about once a week) I talk to him like an idiot!! He is very cold now, which breaks my heart every time. I know what the end result is going to be every time, yet I still do it. We stop talking, I feel like sh*t due to his coldness and lack of caring and he goes back to his new fiancee and their happy life of wedding planning. Why is he contacting you if he has a new fiancee??? He is playing games with both of you. I would get in contact with her and tell her that he is ringing you. This ought to give you NC! Otherwise, tell him to back off and stop ringing you. You have to put your foot down, darl and take your life back. Are there reasons he is ringing you?
Author purplepoodle Posted June 15, 2008 Author Posted June 15, 2008 BTW Borelandkaren, I love you!! The computer post you made in another thread cracked me up. Yes, there are reasons he contacts me that I will not get into in a public forum. I don't want to tell his fiancee, because it's not my place to get involved.
borelandkaren Posted June 15, 2008 Posted June 15, 2008 BTW Borelandkaren, I love you!! The computer post you made in another thread cracked me up. Yes, there are reasons he contacts me that I will not get into in a public forum. I don't want to tell his fiancee, because it's not my place to get involved. Well, all I can see, darlin', is that some sort of decision needs to be made. Is there a way you can have contact without speaking to him? You need to be able to pull away otherwise, he is in a position of control. You need to be taking back any vestige of your life that you can at the moment, love, to be able to move on. I understand that there are reasons but make sure that he's not using these to maintain control over you. And you have every right to tell his fiancee. Whether or not you like it, you're already involved just by virtue of contact. Let his calls go to message bank, so that you have evidence of what he is saying. Even if you have to hear his voice, you don't have to play his game. TAKE BACK THE NIGHT!!!
Author purplepoodle Posted June 15, 2008 Author Posted June 15, 2008 Oh believe me. The reason is horrible and not good
johan Posted June 15, 2008 Posted June 15, 2008 I know a guy who works for an anvil company. He could use the business.
Author purplepoodle Posted June 15, 2008 Author Posted June 15, 2008 LOL Johan!!!! Maybe the anvil would knock some sense into me. Send him my way please.
borelandkaren Posted June 15, 2008 Posted June 15, 2008 Oh believe me. The reason is horrible and not good I understand horrible reasons. My ex and I did something that at the end of the relationship he tried to hold over my head. I was not going to be blackmailed, went to the police and confessed everything, they checked everything out, went and saw him and he denied it all. I'm now off the hook and he has nothing left to hold me to him. This was the last time I had contact with him. I was prepared to take the fall and even go to jail if I had to. I figured that at some stage in my life I had to step up to the plate. If you can do this, now is the time, darl. It's really hard and really scary but it's worse having secrets because they eventually make you come undone. I fessed up to everyone about what I had done because I didn't want at any stage for this bloke to be able to come back and start his **** again. I AM THE ONLY PERSON WHO IS ALLOWED TO HAVE POWER IN MY LIFE!!! Anyone else only has whatever power I allow them to have. No more, no less and should they try to exert any more than I allow, well....u know the old saying about, "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned." U'll see the sparks flying over the ocean, my girl. Take care, love and don't let him bully you.
Author purplepoodle Posted June 15, 2008 Author Posted June 15, 2008 He's not trying to bully me, it just seems like he's trying to hold on to a part of our relationship. You are right though, I do need to get my power back because I have always been very strong. I don't know where this scared, lonely little girl came from.
borelandkaren Posted June 15, 2008 Posted June 15, 2008 He's not trying to bully me, it just seems like he's trying to hold on to a part of our relationship. You are right though, I do need to get my power back because I have always been very strong. I don't know where this scared, lonely little girl came from. We all like to have the security that having someone we love provides. The problem is when it takes over and we become dependant. I've been very guilty of this myself, darl and know that I now have to become the independant woman that I admire. It doesn't mean that there's not scared little girlitis there though!!! You're going to work this all out. If you want him to be there, so be it. If you don't, tell him. This is not about him anymore, purplepoodle, (cute name!) IT'S ALL ABOUT U!!
tealeafbud Posted June 15, 2008 Posted June 15, 2008 Hey purple, hope you're doin better. I've been speaking with my ex for the past few weeks and for a while I thought I could be friends with her, but she kept dragging me into her problems with "him". So basically, we're back on NC. *sigh Anyway, I think in your situation, you need to ignore him, maybe even change your number. I know you still have feelings for him, but if you seriously think it's over between you guys, there's really no use in speaking with him.
JackhammerGemma Posted June 15, 2008 Posted June 15, 2008 I don't get why he's cold when he is the one contacting you. I just don't get it.
LikeCharlotte Posted June 15, 2008 Posted June 15, 2008 Hey purple, hope you're doin better. I've been speaking with my ex for the past few weeks and for a while I thought I could be friends with her, but she kept dragging me into her problems with "him". So basically, we're back on NC. *sigh Anyway, I think in your situation, you need to ignore him, maybe even change your number. I know you still have feelings for him, but if you seriously think it's over between you guys, there's really no use in speaking with him. missed you TLB... Your ex has a lack of regard for simple boundaries. You are doing the right thing because she doesn't get it. NC was made for people who can't or won't respect boundaries.
Issues & tissues Posted June 15, 2008 Posted June 15, 2008 LOL Johan!!!! Maybe the anvil would knock some sense into me. Send him my way please. Apologies in advance for hacking your thread but couldn't help but post this video in response to your comment! On a more serious note however I have been through the exact same thing but in the end I decided to go NC and I really am feeling a lot better. It has been three months since I last spoke to my ex. Ignoring his calls, emails, texts has not been easy but I keep reminding myself that this is what he wanted when he broke up with me earlier this year. He made his bed so he can now lie in it (without me!)
borelandkaren Posted June 15, 2008 Posted June 15, 2008 Apologies in advance for hacking your thread but couldn't help but post this video in response to your comment! On a more serious note however I have been through the exact same thing but in the end I decided to go NC and I really am feeling a lot better. It has been three months since I last spoke to my ex. Ignoring his calls, emails, texts has not been easy but I keep reminding myself that this is what he wanted when he broke up with me earlier this year. He made his bed so he can now lie in it (without me!) I LOOOOOOVE, LOOOOOVE, LOOOOOOVE YOUR SIGNATURE!!!!!!:lmao:
Issues & tissues Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 I LOOOOOOVE, LOOOOOVE, LOOOOOOVE YOUR SIGNATURE!!!!!!:lmao: Thank you. It pretty much sums up how I feel on most days.
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