ioncebelieved Posted June 14, 2008 Posted June 14, 2008 As I try and heal when I am out with my friends, I see lots of women, but I can't even look at them as I still struggle with the pain of things being over with a certain shythead. I know in my mind that I am not over things yet, but the irony of the thing is even though I am not ready, I do not like the alone part either. What a crappy feeling!!! You know one of my friend's is good as gold to me, but he just doesn't seem to get what I am going through. His responses are somewhat generic and he says stuff like, "I told you that you should have done this and done that." He does not understand why I hurt. He tries to point out women and I guess that I just do not need that right now, I will be okay one day, but I will look with more options as I feel like it. Anyone else get what I am saying? I still feel like the time with heal all will never come.
northstar1 Posted June 14, 2008 Posted June 14, 2008 As I try and heal when I am out with my friends, I see lots of women, but I can't even look at them as I still struggle with the pain of things being over with a certain shythead. I know in my mind that I am not over things yet, but the irony of the thing is even though I am not ready, I do not like the alone part either. What a crappy feeling!!! You know one of my friend's is good as gold to me, but he just doesn't seem to get what I am going through. His responses are somewhat generic and he says stuff like, "I told you that you should have done this and done that." He does not understand why I hurt. He tries to point out women and I guess that I just do not need that right now, I will be okay one day, but I will look with more options as I feel like it. Anyone else get what I am saying? I still feel a ke the time with heal all will never come. I hear you. I've been out with friends and am just not in a place mentally where I want to try and flirt, ask out women. I don't know if my confidence is still recovering, or if I'm still just too focused on my ex still. I do like going out as much as possible, just to get out of the house and not sit around and think. Sometimes I have a great time, sometimes I find myself still too distracted. It will come in time, I think. I hope.and then
kizik Posted June 14, 2008 Posted June 14, 2008 You know what I HATE thinking about? Having to flirt. Trying to get a woman interested in me. Trying to get laid. Hoping someone finds me attractive. Having to worry about STDs / condoms / protection. Not having sex for years and years from now. Playing the stupid, bullsh*t dating game. I just want HER. But I want her to treat me better, and that will NEVER happen.
GodofNietzsche Posted June 14, 2008 Posted June 14, 2008 I just want HER. But I want her to treat me better, and that will NEVER happen. Exactly. You want a dream. Just as I do.
Author ioncebelieved Posted June 15, 2008 Author Posted June 15, 2008 You know what I HATE thinking about? Having to flirt. Trying to get a woman interested in me. Trying to get laid. Hoping someone finds me attractive. Having to worry about STDs / condoms / protection. Not having sex for years and years from now. Playing the stupid, bullsh*t dating game. I just want HER. But I want her to treat me better, and that will NEVER happen. That is so funny and true!!! Ever feel like when you get past the formalities and if you find the one that is going to be long term, once you find out she is clean, LIKE YOU DODGED a bullet? Then only then can things start getting to that next level!! I would agree with that person that said on here they hate being single. The dating scene sucks!!! Here I am on Saturday night jockeying this damn computer because at 37 y/o and even in my younger years I just didn't do the club spot!!
borelandkaren Posted June 15, 2008 Posted June 15, 2008 You know what I HATE thinking about? Having to flirt. Trying to get a woman interested in me. Trying to get laid. Hoping someone finds me attractive. Having to worry about STDs / condoms / protection. Not having sex for years and years from now. Playing the stupid, bullsh*t dating game. I just want HER. But I want her to treat me better, and that will NEVER happen. U know Kizik, you just hit your own nail on the head. Sex gets in the way of everything. We all know that we have to wait to have sex again when we meet anyone. We all have to be HIV tested, etc. Can't you see this as being a good thing? This (in reality) should take all the bool**** out of it. Wait. Don't have sex straight away. I know that this is the problem that I had with all of my ex's. Everything was too rushed. Just wait. Get to know a girl. Find out if you really like her as opposed to getting the sexual head rush we all know and love so well! If you like her, it'll be worth it. If you don't, strap on a condom and get laid! This is how things were done in more traditional times and I'll tell you what, I know this is how I'm going to do it now. I'm not saying it's for everyone and I'm not trying to be a preacher but the other way hasn't necessarily worked. Why not try something new? For me, if a guy doesn't want to respect my boundaries in future, piss off! I'm not into it. U know, it's easy to get off. Take your time and make sure she's what you really want, rather than just ****ing her brains out for a while and thinking, "Hmm....I'm not sure I even like this girl." Start as friends. Who knows? You may end up having sex with your best friend.
borelandkaren Posted June 15, 2008 Posted June 15, 2008 Here I am on Saturday night jockeying this damn computer because at 37 y/o and even in my younger years I just didn't do the club spot!! I like my computer!! It's my friend!!!!!!! And I honestly prefer it to the ex!!!
LikeCharlotte Posted June 15, 2008 Posted June 15, 2008 The dating scene sucks!!! Here I am on Saturday night jockeying this damn computer because at 37 y/o and even in my younger years I just didn't do the club spot!!Ah-f****ing-men. I just went out with a girlfriend of mine. I am completely amazed that there are that many tanned and fit people with absolutely nothing going on on the inside. I don't want to go to a meat market but it is not as if there are awesome social events or clubs for intelligent interesting but still attracive people to meet and chat in my area. This bar thing is what some of my friends do and so I must go or be alone. I went to get out and enjoy myself a bit but I only found myself in a sea of people that were sizing each other up for consumption. I'm a very out going person and I love to dance and have fun but I was completely lost among the drunk cattle. I kept staring at the rain and wind blowing palm trees on the beach and wishing I could just be out by them instead. I want to spend my weekends at the beach (which I did) then watching the latest sci-fi series back to back cuddled up with someone worth talking to. I'd like some candy too. Square peg meets round hole... never again.
borelandkaren Posted June 15, 2008 Posted June 15, 2008 Ah-f****ing-men. I just went out with a girlfriend of mine. I am completely amazed that there are that many tanned and fit people with absolutely nothing going on on the inside. I don't want to go to a meat market but it is not as if there are awesome social events or clubs for intelligent interesting but still attracive people to meet and chat in my area. this is what some of my friends do. I went to get out and enjoy myself a bit but I only found myself in a sea of people that were sizing each other up for consumption. I'm a very out going person and I love to dance and have fun but i was completely lost among the drunk cattle. I kept staring at the rain and wind blowing palm trees on the beach and wishing I could just be out by them instead. I want to spend my weekends at the beach (which I did) then watching the latest sci-fi series back to back cuddled up with someone worth talking to. I'd like some candy too. Do you meet them in clubs, though? I really think that the times we meet people are when we're not looking, through friends, family, etc. People in clubs are there (I think) to dance and **** with like minded souls. I'm sorry you had such a cruddy time, darl. Charlotte, you are too intelligent for clubbers. You're a thinker. These people are probably very clever in their own ways as well but they're not there for the same reasons you are. To meet, greet and formulate liaisons that are meaningful. I think you need to go to places where you'll meet people that you actually like. Don't sell yourself short.
borelandkaren Posted June 15, 2008 Posted June 15, 2008 I'm talking to other chicks, and it's not the same. It sucks. I mean, I like these chicks and everything, but, you know, different topics, etc... ****... It just keeps making me think I ****ed up more or something. I hate this ****. Then of course, I'm gonna compare the next chick to my ex, which sucks. Well, unless she blows the ex away, which shouldn't be too hard to do, except for the sex. Kill me. lol Oh ****... Why? Why do we have to go through this bull****? I never wanna go through this **** again. I'm so damn upset that I feel like I have to go through the whole getting to know someone phase, then have sex, then blah blah blah, then build the relationship, while this bitch is already moved in with some mother****er!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111111 WWWWTTTTFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111111111111111111//????????????????????////////////////////////////////////////////// Listen, buddy!! You really need to get a grip. Regardless of who was right or wrong in your relationship, I think you'd be downright scary to be involved with. I refuse to believe that the way you speak about her on these threads is not the way you spoke to her when you were 2gether. I've never seen so much malice and vitriole directed towards anyone (apart from the way my ex spoke to me) and quite frankly, I think it's disgusting. I understand that you're hurt. We all do. You've given us no choice but to see anything but how YOU ARE FEELING!!!! Snap out of it, mate. Take a step back. We are all in the same boat but we all try to be supportive of one another. I personally am sick and tired of reading most of your crap!!! It's a very rare thing to look at something that you have written and think, "Yes, he's right." Most times I look at it and think, "OK, I'll skip past this shyte." Be a little bit productive. Do you have any kind of interest other than slagging this woman off? If not, you really need to get a hobby, buddy. This woman is gone from your life and I, for one, do not question this in any way, shape or form. MOVE ON, GET A FOOKING LIFE AND STOP BEING SUCH A NASTY LITTLE COONT!!!!!!!!
Author ioncebelieved Posted June 15, 2008 Author Posted June 15, 2008 Ah-f****ing-men. I just went out with a girlfriend of mine. I am completely amazed that there are that many tanned and fit people with absolutely nothing going on on the inside. I don't want to go to a meat market but it is not as if there are awesome social events or clubs for intelligent interesting but still attracive people to meet and chat in my area. This bar thing is what some of my friends do and so I must go or be alone. I went to get out and enjoy myself a bit but I only found myself in a sea of people that were sizing each other up for consumption. I'm a very out going person and I love to dance and have fun but I was completely lost among the drunk cattle. I kept staring at the rain and wind blowing palm trees on the beach and wishing I could just be out by them instead. I want to spend my weekends at the beach (which I did) then watching the latest sci-fi series back to back cuddled up with someone worth talking to. I'd like some candy too. Square peg meets round hole... never again. The sci-fi series quote is dead on!!!! Ever noticed in the clubs people walk around like zombies or droids, so it appears??? I always hated it and still have nothing for it. Just like you said about the attractive people there, "There is nothing inside going on." Very well spoken and that goes for women too now!! Did I mention how silly going to the club is??? I understand what you mean having to go with them or be alone. Being single sucks!!!! I would take single over a crappy relationship though.
LikeCharlotte Posted June 15, 2008 Posted June 15, 2008 Do you meet them in clubs, though? I really think that the times we meet people are when we're not looking, through friends, family, etc. People in clubs are there (I think) to dance and **** with like minded souls. I'm sorry you had such a cruddy time, darl. Charlotte, you are too intelligent for clubbers. You're a thinker. These people are probably very clever in their own ways as well but they're not there for the same reasons you are. To meet, greet and formulate liaisons that are meaningful. I think you need to go to places where you'll meet people that you actually like. Don't sell yourself short.I have met men in all kinda of ways. I definitely wasn't there to meet men. I was just commenting on how amazed I am that anyone meets anyone else that way. I don't get very many opportunities to meet interesting people so I take all of them.
v33 Posted June 15, 2008 Posted June 15, 2008 Exactly. You want a dream. Just as I do. I am am member of that club too. In love with a ghost, someone that doesn't exist.
motive2002 Posted June 15, 2008 Posted June 15, 2008 Perhaps we should begin some type of revolution. An upheaval of the "bar scene". It gets worse with the internet and all. Some people have a difficult time making an approach, because they aren't confined to the safety and anonymity of being behind a keyboard, so they rely on "liquid confidence" to make up for their shyness or inhibitions. I have met some wonderful and interesting people here that I may never get to see in person. Another problem with the whole internet thing. You may meet someone really fabulous and interesting, but can't really get to know them because maybe you live in the US and they are in Australia or something. My ex could have passed me on the street and I may not have even noticed. I got to know her really well online. Talked for a couple months before even meeting in person. If we met at a bar, I would have probably never approached her. For one she is intimidating when she reaches that "invincible" phase from drinking. Another is that I simply would have wrote her off as not my type anyway. Funny how things work out.
LikeCharlotte Posted June 15, 2008 Posted June 15, 2008 I have met some wonderful and interesting people here that I may never get to see in person. Another problem with the whole internet thing. You may meet someone really fabulous and interesting, but can't really get to know them because maybe you live in the US and they are in Australia or something.I know this all to well. I met a really great guy and he lives across the ocean. I'll probably never know what could have happened because a reltionship is just impossible. I'm still talking to him anyway, who knows, maybe I'll suddenly land a great job that gives me enough money to travel. Anyone want to give me a job in London? At least I met him in person but you can't get to know someone unless you can spend lots of time with them. So, I'm still looking. C'est la vive.
sunshinegirl Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 My ex could have passed me on the street and I may not have even noticed. I got to know her really well online. Talked for a couple months before even meeting in person. If we met at a bar, I would have probably never approached her. For one she is intimidating when she reaches that "invincible" phase from drinking. Another is that I simply would have wrote her off as not my type anyway. Funny how things work out. Wow - funny. A friend of mine thinks that if I had met my ex online or in a bar, I would have completely passed him by. I would have seen him as a crappy listener, with nothing especially interesting to say, and no depth to him. But because I spent so much time with him in a foursome - we are both friends with a married couple and we spent a lot of time together with them before we started dating - that he became familiar and thereafter attractive to me.
D-Lish Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 After I left my marriage I took some time before interacting with men romantically... I really needed that time to sort things out before dating again. Nothing wrong with taking some time and sorting out your feelings. Being lonley is different than being alone- hell, I've been lonley while being in a relationship. I think being comfortable being alone is a comfort we all need to embrace. It took some time- but after I started feeling better about myself- something being with another person just couldn't do for me- I put myself out there again. Casual flirting can do wonders for your self esteem in low times. Just take your time getting used to the dating scene again. I am sure your male friends mean well when they encourage you to get over it and get back on the horse... but often, that is how guys handle their buddies in times of crisis. I have a close male friend that talks to me about his relationship issues- but he admits he never talks to his male friends about it because that's just not what they do. Heal on your own timeline! Start talking to girls when you are ready. You could view socializing with women as practice at this point in time- nothing wrong with that! Eventually a woman will come along that you deem worthy of spending some time getting to know again.
Recommended Posts