FloraPost Posted June 14, 2008 Posted June 14, 2008 I've been lurking since late April, reading ancient posts, scouring the archives for wisdom and encouragement. I found more than I expected. When I read responses from so many of you, I realize that not only am I not alone in my experience (I'll post more below this), but there really ARE some decent people out there. I married at 19, 4 kids within the first 10 years of marriage. Things were tough but as my STBXH had a rough childhood so figured counseling would help. We did more than 4 years' worth of various kinds of therapy. I got stronger and healthier and I thrived despite him. He got worse (though he covered it up pretty good). Found out in late April that he was in an "emotional affair" with a girl at his work. He said he'd ended it. One week later, I finally got him to confess to three prior relationships (two while we were in therapy together!) at least one of which he's admitted was sexual. I kicked him out within a couple hours. There went 22 years. Wow. I'm working with my lawyer to get the divorce done ASAP. Only one of the 4 kids will spend very much time with him. One won't relate at all to him. I'm working with NC as much as I can and shut down any and all attempts by him to communicate anything else other than business and kid stuff. Anyway, I'm reading away here, learning fast, and I just wanted to tell all of you how much I appreciate your willingness to post here, to contribute, to share, to berate, to scoff, to help shine real light on the reality that comes with infidelity. I plan on staying single til my youngest is an adult. At the same time, I have to confess that I don't despair about my chances someday when I read the posts here and see that there are people out in the world who really are good people, who are honest, who value faithfulness and who want to have good relationships instead of just take take take take take take..... (ad infinitum). I find it amazing how discovering the years of lies and cheating undermines my trust in so much. I'm going to be patient with myself and let it return at its own pace. Thanks to all of you for helping me get even HEALTHIER!
whichwayisup Posted June 14, 2008 Posted June 14, 2008 I hope everything goes well for you. It sounds like you're very sure of yourself and WILL be happy, reguardless if you end up dating or not. One day a man will come into your life and he'll be lucky to have you!
Author FloraPost Posted June 15, 2008 Author Posted June 15, 2008 Thanks for your kind words. I'd like to think I got something out of all those years of counseling. I'm still battling the salad bar of emotions at times. But I am confident that divorce is the right move for me. I read this great quote about how this process feels when one is injured by someone that you loved. It compares the mixture of rage and love to oil and vinegar shaken up and the love has broken up into "tiny beads floating in a sea of venom." Yeah. Boy am I there sometimes!
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