mixwell Posted June 14, 2008 Posted June 14, 2008 I know this isn't the appropriate forum section but I saw the sexuality section was empty. Anyways my problem is that I believe I might have erectile dysfunction (ED). Some quick background info. When I was with my ex (first girl I had sex with when I was younger I had no problems with getting and maintaining an erection. Every other woman I've been with since I have had a problem maintaining an erection when it comes to sex. This usually goes away after about 5 times of intercourse with the new partner. I can also get a BJ or handjob and easily get an erection but as soon as it comes to sex in the first few times I have a trouble keeping one. Once we start and it gets going its okay. I'm seeing this new girl and the first few times it wasn't too big of an issue but the 3rd time we did it as soon as we switched positions and I went to put it in my penis went soft. Last night we did it but she was doggystyle in the beginning and my penis wasn't fully erect but once we started going it was fine until I finished. We went to do it again and once she stopped giving me a BJ (fully hard at that point) and I go to put it in her then it goes soft. It seems like its at the point where it should start to go away since we have done it about 5 times and like I said my issue usually goes away. Out of the other girls I've been with I find this girl REALLY attractive but I notice when my issue occurs she seems to get really annoyed/frustrated. I've read where they say studies show that smoking can lead to causing it as well but like I said it goes away completely after like 5 times with a new girl. It seems as though the "downtime" from foreplay or switching positions is whats killing me. I have heard this issue called "performance anxiety" which makes you think of wanting to please her and not cumming too soon and it F's up your mind but I do feel comfortable with her but maybe subconciously I'm thinking about it ? I feel kind of lame but I accept that it happens but I'm trying to convince her that it goes away and that once it does its on like Donkey Kong haha...Anyone else have this issue and if so what did you do to overcome it ? Again sorry this isn't in the correct section and is a lengthy post but I appreciate any advice. Thanks, frustrated !!
AriaIncognito Posted June 14, 2008 Posted June 14, 2008 It sounds more like performance anxiety than ED if you're able to have erections and whatnot, doesn't it? I can't say I'm all too familiar with the topic but I'd say to try to let the worrying go. You're putting undue pressure on yourself by always saying "i goes away after 5 times" because basically 5 will come along and you'll anxiety your way out of it. Make sense?
Balthazar Posted June 14, 2008 Posted June 14, 2008 You need to talk to an expert. It definitely seems like some form of psychological ED, but those cases can be just a bad as organic ED. The good news is that these cases are definitely treatable. Just relax and find yourself a good doctor. CHeers,
sfsassy Posted June 14, 2008 Posted June 14, 2008 I know the two exes I went all the way with, had trouble the first few times in this area. It definitely wasn't indicative of how it went in general, and the second guy thought it was performance anxiety. I would talk to someone, since I know in general you can psyche youself out on such things. If you are over obsessing about it, then you will probably not perform. Both guys in my case, said the first time with anyone they don't epect to come, since it is so new.
whichwayisup Posted June 14, 2008 Posted June 14, 2008 I know this isn't the appropriate forum section but I saw the sexuality section was empty In that section, usually if you post it, people will go read. Just because one section shows noone viewing threads, doesn't mean you won't get replies. Some of this is worrying too much and inturn her reaction and then you worry even more. You worry 'what if it happens' then it does happen. can you speak to her about this and ask her to relax and NOT show her frustration, to try to make you feel more comfortable?
Author mixwell Posted June 15, 2008 Author Posted June 15, 2008 In that section, usually if you post it, people will go read. Just because one section shows noone viewing threads, doesn't mean you won't get replies. Some of this is worrying too much and inturn her reaction and then you worry even more. You worry 'what if it happens' then it does happen. can you speak to her about this and ask her to relax and NOT show her frustration, to try to make you feel more comfortable? I think this is what is prolonging the initial few times. The other girls kinda went with it and didn't show much reaction to it. (The other girls at least worked to get my member back up to continue). I think I'm for sure getting worked up about it since I know she has expressed herself about it. I told her initially that it does happen but goes away but when it does occur its like its the first time she has heard about it. Oh yea whichwayisup this is the same girl that I was asking about the whole paying for the dates situation a few weeks ago. I know that the connection is there as far as interest know but I'm still offset now that I have been paying for everything currently and picking her up. Anyways thank you AND everyone for advice. Next time I talk to her I will tell her to try not to express her expression soo much and I will try to just not care. Maybe I should get hammered so I wouldn't think about it. (Just Kidding)
Author mixwell Posted June 15, 2008 Author Posted June 15, 2008 I know the two exes I went all the way with, had trouble the first few times in this area. It definitely wasn't indicative of how it went in general, and the second guy thought it was performance anxiety. I would talk to someone, since I know in general you can psyche youself out on such things. If you are over obsessing about it, then you will probably not perform. Both guys in my case, said the first time with anyone they don't epect to come, since it is so new. Well once I do get hard I can go like normal but its just the initial getting the condom on or switching positions. I have no problem getting hard when she goes down on me or jerks me off prior to sex. Its like any downtime over 5 seconds and my member starts to get soft. Once that happens though If she goes down on me then it goes right back up after a few seconds of fellatio.. I do find her really sexy and when we did it doggystyle I was hard once I got it in and started going until I came.. Hmm I'm sure I will figure it out but its kind of getting frustrating now.
Jyl_Unit Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 I had a guy with this problem too. The first couple times he was nervous (being with a new person, who isn't - on some level) but we got closer and it went away. It doesn't sound like full-on ED cause you can get it up but I would say you have some anxiety/nervous issues. It might help to talk to a professional and figure out where it is stemming from. Is she your girlfriend? Talk to her about it - but not when you are naked and frustrated. Are you making an effort to pleasure her while she is getting it back up? Maybe that will take a little stress and frustration off her?
bligh Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 Well, had that problem my whole life. (not a lot of fun while living in a frat house) . Turns out that it was related to a congenital heart defect that I didn't know I had. (college psychiatrist that I was referred to said it was because I was gay). viagra did the trick. the inventor should be knighted. not saying this could be the cause for you, but a physical might be a good idea.
Ruby Slippers Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 An ex of mine had the same issue, which he'd struggled with since he became sexually active, but his didn't disappear after five times. He went to the doctor and found he had no physical problems. It was an anxiety issue for him. He'd dealt with various forms of anxiety all his life. I was as supportive as possible, but he refused to take Viagra or anything else that might help. He also did little to reassure me that the problem was him, not me -- that's very important. Our sex life dwindled, and we eventually broke up over it. I would suggest that you see a doctor or therapist and consider Viagra or Cialis. It is really not a good feeling to be sexual with this as an obstacle, and it definitely takes a toll on your confidence and satisfaction.
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