sin35 Posted June 14, 2008 Posted June 14, 2008 Hey everyone, about a month ago my x was having doubts about wether i was the girl for him. we are young but not too young plus im mature when it comes to relationships...i dont like casual dating, i look for a mate and this was my first candidate so to speak His doubts became more and more concerning once he stopped calling as much and wouldnt answer his phone. i dont call him often since i know men dislike being smothered. although when i did call, which was 2-5 times a week, he would be upset and busy. this concerned me. i contacted him and had to demand a "talk". I know men dislike this aswell but i dont play games. He had told me he was confused about us and wanted time to think. I gave it to him. he then invited me on a business trip whre we stayed in a 5 star fancy hotel for 3 nights. We had such a great time that he bought me 2 bottles of dior perfume and a nice new sweater. He also spoke to me about children and marriage. this is rare in males to bring it up on their own so i was surprised and felt good he was no longer being childish. a few weeks after we returned from the trip he wanted another break...he came to see me a few days into our break and i told him we needed to break up since i had no interest in playing around. He cried so much i felt horrible and proceeded to being on break. the next day he dumped me. i was VERY hurt...a futur i had planned with this man was destroyed mind you...but being a strong girl, i got over it quickly. i still cried and thought about him frequently yet...i find things are alot better now that i can focus on myself...sadly..he keeps messaging me and calling me. last night i told him he was right to leave if he was going to be confused. he told me he thought he made a huge mistake and that he thinks about me constantly...i dont understand him anymore...if he comes back should i take him? will he come back? whats going on? if i ignore him will he persue me stronger? the thing is...i want him to come back with the equivalent of an engagement ring if not that...i want to be sure 100% im not wasting my time. if anyone needs more details please ask. p.s. i was a VERY good gf, everyone thought so. i cooked and cleaned and massaged...i did EVERYTHING he could want...i even watched him play video games for hours sometimes...hung out with his friends...the thnig i must admit is i may have been dependant on him...he was the only person i saw so he felt compelled to see me whenever he had free time...but ive changed now...alot. look guys im really confused about what went wrong and when he mght come back...everything...the only thing i know for sure is that i love him with all my heart...
carhill Posted June 14, 2008 Posted June 14, 2008 While you may be mature, his rubber-band romance antics have me thinking he is not. At this time, I do not believe he is "mate" material. Does he have potential? Perhaps. Do you want to wait and endure the process? How young is young?
Author sin35 Posted June 15, 2008 Author Posted June 15, 2008 he is 22 and im 21...i know he's confused but he calls me everyday and we chat about general things...i dont want to wait for him anymore but it seems like he's trying to force me to wait...
carhill Posted June 15, 2008 Posted June 15, 2008 Sometimes you have to make hard choices. Painful choices. If you are really in love with him, I know it's going to be hard for you. Firsts are always hard IMO. IMO, the important thing for you, something which will really help you as you grow older, is to be true to yourself and your vision. If he has become incompatible with that vision, it's time to move on. He can't force you to do anything. You have free will. Exercising it won't be easy but the important things in life rarely are. Perhaps, if you give him some time alone, he will come to understand his feelings better. How long have you been exclusive?
Author sin35 Posted June 15, 2008 Author Posted June 15, 2008 i was out tonight with a friend and he wouldnt stop messaging me! this is getting VERY irritating and confusing...he wants to call me tonight and so i will be expressing to him that i need time to heal and unless he plans on committing i will no longer be contacting him until im over him which may take months...i dont like to be pulled around and played like some toy on the side. if he wants me, he can come get me for god's sake! i loved him so much id do anything for him...i saw a futur with this man...kids, marriage...and he throws it away because he's afraid of commitment yet wont let go? does he love me or not? why wont he let me heal? does he want me to cry every night? to tell you the truth...ive developed a nervous twitch because of this breakup...its truly painful and i want him back but my whole family hates him for hurting me so many times with his confusion and its been MANY...i dont know what to do anymore with this man...im sorry i drank a bit tonight therefore im probably ranting without a point... what does exclusive mean?
carhill Posted June 15, 2008 Posted June 15, 2008 IMO, he doesn't know what he wants. Emotional confusion.... Exclusive means that the two of you talked about not seeing/being intimate with other people and date/are with only each other. At some point, people have that talk, or just show by their actions/words that they are monogamous. No worries. I do some of my best thinking when I'm drinking Seriously, it'll all work out.
sunshinegirl Posted June 15, 2008 Posted June 15, 2008 p.s. i was a VERY good gf, everyone thought so. i cooked and cleaned and massaged...i did EVERYTHING he could want...i even watched him play video games for hours sometimes...hung out with his friends...the thnig i must admit is i may have been dependant on him...he was the only person i saw so he felt compelled to see me whenever he had free time...but ive changed now...alot. Red flag alert!!! Being dependent on him and not having independent interests and friends is NOT healthy in a long-term relationship. It's also not healthy to be at his every beck and call (doing EVERYTHING he could want) - it's okay to say no sometimes. It's not your job to serve him like a slave, you know? Not to mention you run the risk of being seen as, and treated as, a doormat.
ButtHead Posted June 15, 2008 Posted June 15, 2008 I wouldn't be able to tell you because I'm on the other end of the stick. Same situation. I didn't appreciate her love and I didn't know what I had until it was gone. Maybe I can give some insight. When I threw myself at my girlfriend I was too crazy to make any good decisions. Needless to say, she told me she was with someone else and I couldn't expect her to leave him. She told me to move on. This is the same girl who genuinely loved me and wanted to marry me. Now, after trying to move on, I'm still madly in love with her. Right now, I know I would do everything in my power to make her happy if she took me back. However, I think my mind is clouded in love and I'm prone to making stupid decisions.
Author sin35 Posted June 16, 2008 Author Posted June 16, 2008 im so sorry she treated you that way...women need to be more sensitive to men...they arent toys you can dispose of and wont be hurt. i dont think she deserves you.
Author sin35 Posted June 16, 2008 Author Posted June 16, 2008 weve been together for almost 3 years...always been out about our relationship. he never hid it... on saturday night he called me and i told him to stop calling since i wanted to be friends but i needed to heal since I still loved him. he almost right after asked if he could come see me at 3am... =/ i said yes since...i love him and hope he turns around on his descision. he of course grabbed me and kissed me and got on his knees apologizing...im still confused and angry with him though...he barely took a week to think it over and for months before he left me he was cruel and oblivious to my love...what bothers me the most is that he was afraid to admit he loved me in the first place...i dont want to be hurt anymore. ever since he left i grew inside...i know it was a week but i knew life couldnt be all about him and waiting for him to decide...he wants me back but i dont trust him anymore not to destroy everything...i warned him this was the last time id ever forgive him for such a trivial breakup. i want him to be serious! he said yes to everything but my parents hate him now and he's scared of our futur being unrepairable....i still love him and want him for my futur mate but he broke something if that makes sense... what should i do?
Recommended Posts