BillClam Posted June 14, 2008 Posted June 14, 2008 Hey guys, I've been looking around these forums for a while since my break up, only to start posting recently, and I've decided I'd like to ask for some opinions on my "situation", it might get a little long, and for that I apologize. So anyways, like most stories, it started off with a great girl, we hit it off isntantly at a mutual friends party, she just finished a relationship a while before with an ex who became more or less a stalker. It took a while to get the ball rolling, as it was my first relationship, but enough encounters are persistance on her side, and we had something fun going for a while. Now, I'm insecure as can be, and awkward too, but I found someone who could appreciate that, she too, had some insecurities, family troubles, but she was still this amazing girl. Either way, she was in the archeology field, and she got a job offer in Utah, at first, we thought we could stick it together, actually, she thought it'd be a cake job where'd she have months on and off. The Arch field is a strange one. This didn't turn out to be the case, she didn't know when she'd be doing office or field work, and so getting to see her whenever I wished was hard to do. We did have some visits, some amazing visits, though it stretched my part time job pocket book real thin. I even brought friends one time, which was fun for all of us. There were some trips with snags on them though, I lost a day with her due to a final exam, that kind of thing. But we always loved to be together. Then the phone calls started happening, she was worried about where she was going to be in life, she was at a job she hated, she didn't take a job back home because it just wasn't enough to support anything, she kept wondering when I'd get and be done with an internship. She became hesitant to have someone move in with her at this stage in her life, because she began to think one of us would be taking too much from the other. She than gave me a surprise visit, it was fantastic! I was so excited, she said she wanted to discuss things in person. However, all of our mutual friends crowded us, and we never got much of a chance to do anything. A month later, her best friend from England visits, she calls me, tells me she just doesn't see us working "right now" and comes to visit her friend. I of course, don't know how to react, and kind of freak. She's had relationships before, some of which she's been very quiet about, her last two boyfriends, totally freaked when she dumped them. I've gotten mixed messages from mutal friends when I ask about them, and all I can say is, I'm scared I've lost a great thing. Perhaps I was too needy, perhaps it simply was the distance and her doubt. I feel kind of gipped though, knowing she just got a better job, that she moved into a rental house, that she will still visit because this is where she's from. She truly is an amazing girl, and I thought while we were together, we did ok. I can tell during his last visit, that there was still a spark, but there was also some obvious sadness. I've gotten from friends that she still loves/cares about me, but maybe just not in the same way anymore. She gave me the impression that I was her true love, future husband, what have you, but maybe that's what sen the last two over the edge. I'm trying to find faults in the whole thing, but honestly can't. She was there, and I'm here, I haven't talked with her in a while, at first we had some fun communication, and I feel that might have been my oppurtunity that I blew, either way, I want try again. I don't know whether to just try and write, tell her I've graduated and can go anywhere I want, I don't know if I should let her travel around a bit until she figures things out, or what. During the break up, she said alot of things, she wasn't sure how we could work, she didn't know where she was going to be in the future (with her moving career) she said I was putting too much pressure on her, that just wasn't sure about a serious relationship at the moment. I'm like the most laid back guy there is, so I really don't know what to say. Advice? It's been a few months, I goofed once, had some good conversation, but now it's been dry. I almost wish this wasn't my first relationship, so that maybe I could take things a little better, but I can't get her out of my head, even after NC, hobbies, etc. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t54435/ I've been reading this guide, and think I should try contact/pursuit again, I just don't know how. I hate to think we just didn't work out because of something that should have been temporary, to make things worse imo, this girl live twenty minutes away from me growing up my whole life, went to the same school as me for four years, had the same friends as me for two years, live less than two blocks away for one of those years, and I end up running into her her last year in the state? I dunno, I feel really, really bad about the whole thing. I wonder if perhaps I just didn't try hard enough, I think I should have had a bigger backbone for sure, but maybe I'm just beating myself up. Thanks for reading this far into it, hope to get some helpful replies.
Author BillClam Posted June 16, 2008 Author Posted June 16, 2008 Nothing? I'm sorry if I sound panicked, I just honestly am, she's a great woman, I'm now a college grad, and I'm facing alot of scary decisions.
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