xxgirlygirlxx Posted June 14, 2008 Share Posted June 14, 2008 I have been dating my boyfriend for 6 1/2 months and, he moved in with me and my kids 2 months ago. He is 6 years older than me. He has never been married and doesn't have any kids. The other night we discussd marriage, but he said he wants to wait because we might be wanting to kill each other in a few months. ?? We have only had one argument during our relationship, and it was over within minutes. We get along so well. I don't understand what his problem is. He tell me he loves me all the time and adores me. But am I missing something? Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 You've only been together 6 months. Compared to a lifetime that's nothing. He probably wants to wait to see how your relationship progresses. And moving in together after 4 months IMO is too quick. He may even want to see how living together goes. Since he doesn't have any kids and now he is living with a gf AND children he may want to see if he can handle it. I wouldn't push him on the issue. He may think you are pressuring him and bolt. And you guys are still in the honeymoon phase if you have only had one argument and never fight. I think what he means by "in a few months we may be killing each other" is that he wants to see how your relationship tolerates stress and fighting..which is what happens when you live together. You say your relationship is perfect and wonderful right now..why would you want to change it? Just relax and enjoy being together. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 6.5 months dating and marriage seems a bit too fast.. He seems to think so also... Give it more time, you have only lived together 2 months.. personally I wouldn't have moved in with him without a proposal but that is me.. I don't think women should give the milk for free.. Why would you bring a man into your children's lives and home after only dating him 4 months ? Link to post Share on other sites
tikigods Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 yes you are missing the fact that you have only ben together for 6 months and should wait to see how things turn out after your honeymoon phase is over. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 Time reveals all truths. You have to understand that your time and his time are different. Bend and ye shall be rewarded; break and ye shall be broken. This is a key dynamic in relationships. Watch for it. It's OK to talk about your vision of the future of the relationship but respect that, right now, he may not share that path. His job is to value your commitment and vision, even if not shared yet. That's the "bend". Link to post Share on other sites
porter218 Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 I have been dating my boyfriend for 6 1/2 months and, he moved in with me and my kids 2 months ago. He is 6 years older than me. He has never been married and doesn't have any kids. The other night we discussd marriage, but he said he wants to wait because we might be wanting to kill each other in a few months. ?? We have only had one argument during our relationship, and it was over within minutes. We get along so well. I don't understand what his problem is. He tell me he loves me all the time and adores me. But am I missing something? Slow down. It takes much more time to really know if your relationship will work. It took about 1.5 yrs for me to really see the flaws my H had...which may I add are HUGE! If I hadn't allowed him to rush me into marriage our relationship would have been much better. Let him take all the time he needs and your relationship will be so much better. Link to post Share on other sites
Enema Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 You seem to view marriage the way normal people view boyfriend/girlfriend status. This thread would make more sense if you were wondering why he hasn't called you his girlfriend, not why he hasn't married you! After only 6 months, marriage should not be on the cards. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 Put into context, six months can be an eternity when you're in your 80's Link to post Share on other sites
LoveLace Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 6 months is barely out of the "honeymoon" stage as far as I'd be concerned. Your boyfriend could very well be right, anything can happen or change things, I don't think he's being pessimistic or doubtful about you, he's just trying to see things through eyes of reality. He has patience and that is much better than a guy who wants to rush, believe me! But eventually, every couple hits a moment of "wanting to kill each other"...there's just no predicting when that will happen...and hopefully it's really just a "moment" and not constant...he probably just wants to see how living together goes for a while longer. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 6 1/2 months.... marriage shouldn't even be on the table. Slow down and get to know each other! Link to post Share on other sites
Prodigal Princess Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 You've only been together for 6.5 months and he's already moved in with you and your kids? That's more of a commitment than most men would make. Hell, some would say that it's more of a commitment than marriage itself! Link to post Share on other sites
LoveLace Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 You've only been together for 6.5 months and he's already moved in with you and your kids? That's more of a commitment than most men would make. Hell, some would say that it's more of a commitment than marriage itself! Isn't that the truth! Link to post Share on other sites
twice_shy Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 I have been dating my boyfriend for 6 1/2 months and, he moved in with me and my kids 2 months ago. He is 6 years older than me. He has never been married and doesn't have any kids. The other night we discussd marriage, but he said he wants to wait because we might be wanting to kill each other in a few months. ?? We have only had one argument during our relationship, and it was over within minutes. We get along so well. I don't understand what his problem is. He tell me he loves me all the time and adores me. But am I missing something? Yes, you are missing something. the fact that you have ONLY been dating less than 7 months. He is right. You need more time dating to find out if marriage will be right for you two. It isn't something you rush into, and deciding to get married after 6 months IS rushing into it in my opinion. He is 6 years older than you and sounds like he has a good head on his shoulders. Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 Just a thought, but was it his idea to move in together? Maybe he thought that he WAS making some kind of committment to you by moving in (which he def. is) esp. after a few months. Maybe thinking about marriage right now is too overwhelming for him. That coupled with the fact that the two of you have only been together 6 months, he just probably isn't ready. Enjoy your relationship right now and stop worrying about marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Haloandhorns85 Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 6---count em...1 2 3 4 5 6...6 months! That's what you are missing. 6 months is not long enough to really get to know each other. And you've only been living together 2 months? That's the other point you are missing. You may think you know everything you need to know about him, but the fact that you have only had one argument that lasted a few minutes ought to tell you right there that you don't know each other well enough to get married. In my experience, at 6 months in a relationship, both parties are still hiding the little parts of themselves that they find to be unfavorable. Especially if you've only been living together for 2 months. At 6 months, both parties are still trying to seem perfect to "keep" the other interested. For you to have a healthy relationship, you have to argue. Sorry, but that comes straight from a marriage couselor. Your relationship with that man is far from ready to walk down that aisle. Why would you want to put your kids through a divorce that could have been prevented if you hadn't of ran down the aisle? Because, statistically, a 6 month relationship before marriage does NOT have anything close to a good chance of making it long term. I know how you feel....trust me. Been there, wanted to get married quickly..thankfully, he brought me to my senses. You should at least get through your first "rough patch", (and it WILL come...there's no way around it...everyone has it...and its not just a few arguements. You'll know you've been through the rough patch once you get past it and look back.) to see how each of you handle it. 6 months...you don't even know how this guy handles an intense argument. I suspect you haven't even seen his angry side. All of this is what you are missing. Simply put...you don't know him as well as you think you do and he knows that. Like the other posters said...just enjoy your relationship and let it naturally flow. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 Why would you bring a man into your children's lives and home after only dating him 4 months ? This would be my main concern. What if it doesn't work out? Will your children feel abandoned? You deserve happiness too but if this doesn't work out, do your children a favour and keep your love life apart until it's for certain, potentially time clocked off in years. Link to post Share on other sites
Refrain Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 I suggest you buy WHY MEN LOVE BITCHES and WHY MEN MARRY BITCHES. All of your questions are answered there with precise manual on how to make him commit w/o pushing. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 I'm writing the next in the series..... WHY MEN DIVORCE B!TCHES Link to post Share on other sites
in_absentia Posted June 27, 2008 Share Posted June 27, 2008 You don't know each other as well as you think you do at this point! I remember thinking with my bf within the first 6 months wow this is great we're perfect for each other and never argue etc. but it takes time for that stuff to start and with almost every couple, it does. You need to get to know each other a LOT more, see how you handle conflict and fights and finances and emotional problems etc. before you can commit to marriage. To be honest I'm a little surprised you're already living together with kids involved, I hope things work out because it seems kinda irresponsible to bring a man into their lives so quickly if it's not going to be permanant. But hey you know more than me. And you're already living in the same house, what more is marriage going to bring right now? Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 I have been dating my boyfriend for 6 1/2 months and, he moved in with me and my kids 2 months ago. He is 6 years older than me. He has never been married and doesn't have any kids. The other night we discussd marriage, but he said he wants to wait because we might be wanting to kill each other in a few months. ?? We have only had one argument during our relationship, and it was over within minutes. We get along so well. I don't understand what his problem is. He tell me he loves me all the time and adores me. But am I missing something? 6 months is not long enough to get to know someone. It just sounds like he is being sensible and finding out what it's like with you before committing. With the divorce rate as it is, and the number of marriages that have strife and infidelity, combined with the financial ass-pounding most men get in court if things go wrong, I am not one bit surprised that he wants to be careful at first. You should view this as a sign of good judgement in your boyfriend, not a problem. Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 I suggest you buy WHY MEN LOVE BITCHES and WHY MEN MARRY BITCHES. All of your questions are answered there with precise manual on how to make him commit w/o pushing. No need, just read my shorthand guide: WHY MEN LOVE BITCHES: good in bed interesting company look great in Prada your friends are jealous doesn't moan about your drinking when she finds you watching porn, instead of getting mad, she wants to reenact the scenes with you WHY MEN MARRY BITCHES: he was in Vegas and had too much to drink thought with his little brain got her pregnant is >50 years old is desperate forgot to speak to his attorney and financial adviser beforehand got an impregnable prenup Link to post Share on other sites
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