Author chuckgirl Posted July 1, 2008 Author Posted July 1, 2008 My truth is my truth. And my husband knows what it is. And for the one who was saying marriage was forever, we have both been married once before, his bringing kids to our marriage. I did contact my friend, against others advice. I also noticed a lot of posters thought that I was having an affair. I was not. The most it was, was an emotional affair. I was hugely attracted to him, whereas he did not feel the same for me. I still wanted him as a friend. I had absolutely no intention of breaking up his marriage. It wasn't even a relationship that warranted that. He is unhappy, but never, ever said he would even have an affair with me. So I wrote, because I missed him. I had to stop writing him, because my H told me to. So when we separated, I decided to write and ask him to just be my friend. I truthfully told him that friendship was all I was looking for. That is my truth, whether you believe me or not. My husband insists that I did it, hoping he would leave his wife. Which is ironic, since he knows that was never a possibility, so why would I think that it would be? But it is unfortunate, because my H, even after we separated, got into, by changing password, by saying it was forgotten and was able to read the few exchanges that we made. It was hardly 12. It was more like 4. But he has since made sure that my friend will never ever want to have another thing to do with me. So, I wanted a friend and instead have lost him forever. We have kids, so we must do what is right for them. So I will have to tolerate what he has done to my friend and the other people he wants to tarnish their feelings for me. He has said he is sorry for doing all this. And I certainly hope he means it when he says he is done, trying to hurt me anymore. I can forgive, it will take some time. I am hurting too much to be over it.
me003 Posted July 1, 2008 Posted July 1, 2008 My truth is my truth. And my husband knows what it is. And for the one who was saying marriage was forever, we have both been married once before, his bringing kids to our marriage. We have kids, so we must do what is right for them. So I will have to tolerate what he has done to my friend and the other people he wants to tarnish their feelings for me. He has said he is sorry for doing all this. And I certainly hope he means it when he says he is done, trying to hurt me anymore. I can forgive, it will take some time. I am hurting too much to be over it. I am sorry for the situation that you are in. I am not sure i understand. Are you forgiving your husband for invading your privacy? or are you forgiving him and staying with him? I am lost here, I read your post that I replied to. YOu mentioned how unhappy you were. Are you still unhappy? You lost a friend, but was it him or just a friend that you needed? would a woman friend be ok? I hope all this works out for you. I hope you do end up getting a chance at happiness and I have not read your previous posts so I am not sure if what I have asked has been answered before.
CHD Posted July 1, 2008 Posted July 1, 2008 My truth is my truth. And my husband knows what it is. And for the one who was saying marriage was forever, we have both been married once before, his bringing kids to our marriage. I did contact my friend, against others advice. I also noticed a lot of posters thought that I was having an affair. I was not. The most it was, was an emotional affair. I was hugely attracted to him, whereas he did not feel the same for me. I still wanted him as a friend. I had absolutely no intention of breaking up his marriage. It wasn't even a relationship that warranted that. He is unhappy, but never, ever said he would even have an affair with me. So I wrote, because I missed him. I had to stop writing him, because my H told me to. So when we separated, I decided to write and ask him to just be my friend. I truthfully told him that friendship was all I was looking for. That is my truth, whether you believe me or not. My husband insists that I did it, hoping he would leave his wife. Which is ironic, since he knows that was never a possibility, so why would I think that it would be? But it is unfortunate, because my H, even after we separated, got into, by changing password, by saying it was forgotten and was able to read the few exchanges that we made. It was hardly 12. It was more like 4. But he has since made sure that my friend will never ever want to have another thing to do with me. So, I wanted a friend and instead have lost him forever. We have kids, so we must do what is right for them. So I will have to tolerate what he has done to my friend and the other people he wants to tarnish their feelings for me. He has said he is sorry for doing all this. And I certainly hope he means it when he says he is done, trying to hurt me anymore. I can forgive, it will take some time. I am hurting too much to be over it. Exactly 10 posts, not 4, but not relevant. Maybe in time, I, too, can forgive having my medical history posted all over the web, my sexual details shared, and seeing your posts on another forum where you were talking about how badly you wanted to have sex with another man. I guess that was OK and I should have overlooked it? I am supposed to simply take it? I am humiliated and hurt beyond measure by the things you have posted, yet you continue to play victim. Have you any idea what you have done to me? By the way; I apologized for retaliating against you for your posts. You, on the other hand, simply said that I wasn't supposed to read them, which is what you also said when I discovered that you were trying to have an affair with another man through your email messages over a year ago. You seem above apologizing for any hurt you cause.
Chrome Barracuda Posted July 1, 2008 Posted July 1, 2008 She's foggy, and still is. she wont have remorse for her actions unitl the affair is over in her own head. Just divorce and move on with your life, you cant rationalize with a crazy person. She knows the affair is wrong, you know the affair is wrong, but unitl she sees it as wrong. I suggest just not even talking to her about it. She's not worth it... The woman you married died when she had the affair and she made the choice not to come back. People who have affairs and wish to remain married cannot be friends with their affair partners! I would have choked a B for even trying that lil stunt with me. Or better yet I would have kicked her out. I dont do violence but that's what i would have felt inside.
LakesideDream Posted July 1, 2008 Posted July 1, 2008 Exactly 10 posts, not 4, but not relevant. Maybe in time, I, too, can forgive having my medical history posted all over the web, my sexual details shared, and seeing your posts on another forum where you were talking about how badly you wanted to have sex with another man. I guess that was OK and I should have overlooked it? I am supposed to simply take it? I am humiliated and hurt beyond measure by the things you have posted, yet you continue to play victim. Have you any idea what you have done to me? By the way; I apologized for retaliating against you for your posts. You, on the other hand, simply said that I wasn't supposed to read them, which is what you also said when I discovered that you were trying to have an affair with another man through your email messages over a year ago. You seem above apologizing for any hurt you cause. Wow.... I'm taking a deep breath. It's very difficult to read.. as an observer the collapse of a marriage, a love, and a family. Yes many if not most of use here in this catagory have felt the same emotions ourselves. Seeing it happen, in print, in real time is really strange. CHD is hurt, and a mess. Chuckgirl ditto. Both are trying desperately trying to be the one who is "right", and sitting on high ground. I have a hard time believing that in the 21st Century that Chuckgirl has stayed in a bad marriage for 17 years. It doesent track. I also doubt that CHD was as innocent an actor in this play as he is making it appear. I know that I wasn't. Obviously the marriage is breathing it's last. In all probability it's damaged beyond repair. I hope you two can stop hurting each other long enough to try and give your kids as soft a landing as is possible, and to save yourself as much future pain as you can. Luck to you both.
White Flower Posted July 1, 2008 Posted July 1, 2008 Wow.... I'm taking a deep breath. It's very difficult to read.. as an observer the collapse of a marriage, a love, and a family. Yes many if not most of use here in this catagory have felt the same emotions ourselves. Seeing it happen, in print, in real time is really strange. CHD is hurt, and a mess. Chuckgirl ditto. Both are trying desperately trying to be the one who is "right", and sitting on high ground. I have a hard time believing that in the 21st Century that Chuckgirl has stayed in a bad marriage for 17 years. It doesent track. I also doubt that CHD was as innocent an actor in this play as he is making it appear. I know that I wasn't. Obviously the marriage is breathing it's last. In all probability it's damaged beyond repair. I hope you two can stop hurting each other long enough to try and give your kids as soft a landing as is possible, and to save yourself as much future pain as you can. Luck to you both. LsD, I agree for the most part. It does sound as though CHD is a little too proud to admit any fault or responsibility at all. I hope I am wrong about that. Also, I hope that all posts at all forums are anonymous for his sake because he appears truly distraught over them. Why is it so hard to see that Chuckgirl stayed in a bad marriage for 17 years just because we are in the 21st century? People do it all the time, especially women, in order to provide security for the children and various other reasons. I would like to believe that people would be true to themselves as early as possible, but some of us hang on to some kind of hope or miracle that someday he or she will change, see the light, or at least try a new and better method. When we finally wake up and smell the coffee, we give up. For those, it can be a very long time.
BobTingle Posted July 1, 2008 Posted July 1, 2008 LsD, I agree for the most part. It does sound as though CHD is a little too proud to admit any fault or responsibility at all. I hope I am wrong about that. Also, I hope that all posts at all forums are anonymous for his sake because he appears truly distraught over them. Why is it so hard to see that Chuckgirl stayed in a bad marriage for 17 years just because we are in the 21st century? People do it all the time, especially women, in order to provide security for the children and various other reasons. I would like to believe that people would be true to themselves as early as possible, but some of us hang on to some kind of hope or miracle that someday he or she will change, see the light, or at least try a new and better method. When we finally wake up and smell the coffee, we give up. For those, it can be a very long time. ya'll F***ing kill me! Oh it is just so dramatic! A bad marriage, mentally abusive, but yet she wants to to play sex teacher to young waiters and ruin her supposedly best friends life (who also happens to be married) just for sex! Sorry but if I had been married to her I would probably be medicated too! It is pretty evident that chuckgirl is narcissistic and is searching for validation from anyone for her actions. With that said I woud probably still do ya:p
lonelynightslady Posted July 1, 2008 Posted July 1, 2008 Problem with chuckgirl is she's not happy with herself therefore she can't be happy with anyone else. I know this b/c that's how I was in my 22 year marriage. I stuck out the last 5 years being miserable and very unhappy. I got rid of the source of my problem and now I'm happy with me and who I am.
carhill Posted July 1, 2008 Posted July 1, 2008 If CHD is her husband, there are likely a few trolls here. Probably best is she goes underground for now. I'd suggest ignoring inflammatory remarks. No contact likely is a good MO here as well.
Lyssa Posted July 1, 2008 Posted July 1, 2008 Oh wow... I think it's about time they sort this one out of the forum.
RollTide Posted July 1, 2008 Posted July 1, 2008 LF it seems some (some, note, not all) of them male posters here have a hard time accepting that women have any right to leave a M without their H's permission. They reckon that if the W checks out but the H is not done yet, it's the W's obligation to remain bound to her H until such time as he's ready to let her go - if ever. When some people talk about "owning" a spouse, they really do mean it What a load of hogwash! Typical feminist bologna. I bet you think GW Bush caused the levees to break in New Orleans too. I have an idea. Anyone who has more than 1000 posts on this board need to find a hobby or something. At least take a couple of months off to tend to your lives. You're obsessed!
Author chuckgirl Posted July 1, 2008 Author Posted July 1, 2008 She's foggy, and still is. she wont have remorse for her actions unitl the affair is over in her own head. Just divorce and move on with your life, you cant rationalize with a crazy person. She knows the affair is wrong, you know the affair is wrong, but unitl she sees it as wrong. I suggest just not even talking to her about it. She's not worth it... The woman you married died when she had the affair and she made the choice not to come back. People who have affairs and wish to remain married cannot be friends with their affair partners! I would have choked a B for even trying that lil stunt with me. Or better yet I would have kicked her out. I dont do violence but that's what i would have felt inside. You obviously need to go back to reading 101. You pick and choose what you wish to post about. You are so one-sided and blind you can't even see straight. You have choosen to think I am the one who hurt you and I am not that person. Go back to your corner and get out of mine.
Author chuckgirl Posted July 1, 2008 Author Posted July 1, 2008 I am sorry for the situation that you are in. I am not sure i understand. Are you forgiving your husband for invading your privacy? or are you forgiving him and staying with him? I am lost here, I read your post that I replied to. YOu mentioned how unhappy you were. Are you still unhappy? You lost a friend, but was it him or just a friend that you needed? would a woman friend be ok? I hope all this works out for you. I hope you do end up getting a chance at happiness and I have not read your previous posts so I am not sure if what I have asked has been answered before. We are staying separated. We have kids so I will have to do what I have to do. I have apologized to him for what I have posted. I was wrong.
Author chuckgirl Posted July 1, 2008 Author Posted July 1, 2008 LsD, I agree for the most part. It does sound as though CHD is a little too proud to admit any fault or responsibility at all. I hope I am wrong about that. Also, I hope that all posts at all forums are anonymous for his sake because he appears truly distraught over them. Why is it so hard to see that Chuckgirl stayed in a bad marriage for 17 years just because we are in the 21st century? People do it all the time, especially women, in order to provide security for the children and various other reasons. I would like to believe that people would be true to themselves as early as possible, but some of us hang on to some kind of hope or miracle that someday he or she will change, see the light, or at least try a new and better method. When we finally wake up and smell the coffee, we give up. For those, it can be a very long time. Thank you for being understanding, you said it better than I probably could myself.
Author chuckgirl Posted July 1, 2008 Author Posted July 1, 2008 ya'll F***ing kill me! Oh it is just so dramatic! A bad marriage, mentally abusive, but yet she wants to to play sex teacher to young waiters and ruin her supposedly best friends life (who also happens to be married) just for sex! Sorry but if I had been married to her I would probably be medicated too! It is pretty evident that chuckgirl is narcissistic and is searching for validation from anyone for her actions. With that said I woud probably still do ya:p No thanks. I am not narcissistic. I do not want to be a sex teacher. And I certainly did not want to ruin my best friend's life. And to say I wanted him just for sex? I wasn't friends with him for a long time just to have sex with him. But what is the point? He is gone. My H has access to this site and I just don't want to hurt him anymore, either.
Author chuckgirl Posted July 1, 2008 Author Posted July 1, 2008 Problem with chuckgirl is she's not happy with herself therefore she can't be happy with anyone else. I know this b/c that's how I was in my 22 year marriage. I stuck out the last 5 years being miserable and very unhappy. I got rid of the source of my problem and now I'm happy with me and who I am. What a great statement.
Author chuckgirl Posted July 1, 2008 Author Posted July 1, 2008 If CHD is her husband, there are likely a few trolls here. Probably best is she goes underground for now. I'd suggest ignoring inflammatory remarks. No contact likely is a good MO here as well. Which is exactly, now that I am done posting replies, is exactly what I am going to do. My H has apologized for all the stuff he has done to me, esp. for what he has done this past week. We are going to try and stay civilized, esp for the kids. So I am done here.
Chrome Barracuda Posted July 1, 2008 Posted July 1, 2008 You obviously need to go back to reading 101. You pick and choose what you wish to post about. You are so one-sided and blind you can't even see straight. You have choosen to think I am the one who hurt you and I am not that person. Go back to your corner and get out of mine. Stop being defensive. You didnt stop your affair, you didnt want to stop. By your own admission after the affair was caught and out in the open you still wanted to be friends with your affair partner!!!! You cannot be friends with the man you had the affair with. that was your choice. all waywards and people who cheat say the exact same thing. At the end of the day your relationship wasnt really special. It wasnt true love. It was all infatuation all in your head. Ive read every word you wrote. You talk about blind and one sided? Excuse me? Guess who's a single mother by their own choosing through their actions alone. Gess the OM's family was more important than your friendship. but you wont accept that. Your ego wont. In the end. CHD is too good for you, because if that was me the minute you came out of your mouth with that friendship Idea your butt would have been out the door! You have no compassion for others and only care about yourself. Why would anyone care about your pain? screw that.
Author chuckgirl Posted July 1, 2008 Author Posted July 1, 2008 Stop being defensive. You didnt stop your affair, you didnt want to stop. By your own admission after the affair was caught and out in the open you still wanted to be friends with your affair partner!!!! You cannot be friends with the man you had the affair with. that was your choice. all waywards and people who cheat say the exact same thing. At the end of the day your relationship wasnt really special. It wasnt true love. It was all infatuation all in your head. Ive read every word you wrote. You talk about blind and one sided? Excuse me? Guess who's a single mother by their own choosing through their actions alone. Gess the OM's family was more important than your friendship. but you wont accept that. Your ego wont. In the end. CHD is too good for you, because if that was me the minute you came out of your mouth with that friendship Idea your butt would have been out the door! You have no compassion for others and only care about yourself. Why would anyone care about your pain? screw that. Whatever. And I am ok with being a single mother. And I never said the OM's family wasn't important. I never had an affair. It was a one-sided infatuation with my bf. And why shouldn't I be defensive? You feel the need to attack me, whom you know nothing about, except what you have choosen to read here and pounce on. I will not keep feeding your need to attack me. So write what you will, I will not feed you anymore.
Author chuckgirl Posted July 1, 2008 Author Posted July 1, 2008 Thanks Carhill. My H and I spoke on the phone and we have both apologized to each other. We were doing things to each other that was not appropriate. He wishes he could take back all that he has done to me in the past week. But what is done, is done. We can only move forward. He was hurt and lashed out. I can certainly understand that. We will, however, keep it out of here.
Author chuckgirl Posted July 1, 2008 Author Posted July 1, 2008 What? Now that he has showed up to defend himself against your accusations? I've got to tell you, I believe that you have a severe case of the denials...you've never had an affair? Shoot, from what I've read on this site, that's all you have done. What you have had with this "online MARRIED man" IS an affair, cut and dry. You have lived in a fantasy world, chatting with your internet buddies and building faceless relationships, slipping deeper and deeper into the fantasy, all the while probably ignoring the emotional needs of your husband and maybe even the children. In the words of Dave Grohl, this punk was "gettin' the best, the best, the best, the best of you", and because this was going on, the by-product happened to be that your hubby started drinking again, giving your EA the justification it needed in your mind. It seems that you have been very selfish, endangering not only your marriage, but the marriage of another's as well. If I was this CHD cat, I would have kept my mouth shut, hired a PI, gathered the evidence that WOULD have presented itself, and then booted you out of the home. But that's only my opinion, albeit based on what I've read here... I agree with you. But I am leaving because there is no point in carrying this any further here. It is not that I am running away from the accusations, it is because I am done with it. He could have kicked me out, but he didn't. He is not innocent and he knows it. We both have done many things to each other over the years. Him drinking--not sure---it is the chicken and the egg syndrome. So what are you doing on here, building faceless relationships? Hmmmm.
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