stlnsmile Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 Also, I just got a job at the place where everyone hangs out around here, so I see lots and lots of people from school and other schools. Working can be a great way to meet people. Do you paintball or anything like that? You can meet guy friends that way and then meet their sisters:) Also working keeps your mind off ex and puts money in your pocket so you can do stuff and have money if you do decide you want to go out with someone. I don't think about my ex at all when I am working, too busy:) Link to post Share on other sites
Author blaze5 Posted June 17, 2008 Author Share Posted June 17, 2008 Ya getting a job would probably be my best bet for helping me forget about her. As long as im working at a place she would never go to. Its just im going to be going down to seattle in july and i dont want to hafto get a job, and quit early or anything because im going down there.. it probably wouldnt look too good. But lately ive been hanging out with my friends as much as possible going to the gym, swimming and stuff. And started writing in a note pad. i know it may sound stupid but some people says it helps to document what you did that day, how were you feeling, pretty much a journal. Link to post Share on other sites
stlnsmile Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 Well, if your going to Seattle, I would just wait to meet anyone until you get there. That gives you time to work on yourself. I mean, we forget who we are when we are in relationships, and even though guys are very tempted to jump back into relationships, really its not nice to do to the new girl unless you are done When you met your ex, you were single and probably happy with yourself. You have to be okay alone I think before you can really have something to offer someone. Its better to get done with the grieving process, than to jump into something else. Waiting until you go to Seattle, gives you 4-8 weeks to deal with your cra*, depending on when you leave, and this is just better for you over all. People think jumping into something else helps, because your mind is on the new person, but eventually that ends.......the excitement ends.....and what you have left, is whatever you haven't dealth with. I mean you can think about someone else constantly even when you are with someone new...you don't want to do that, its really not fun. You could end up hurting someone in that situation. Your a nice guy...don't do that to someone. When you feel really good, then try. It was hard for me to get used to being single, but if your shy like me, you have to actually try to see that as an oportunity to work on your people skills, and make new friends. When you are in Seattle, you will have all of this new stuff around you, new places etc...thats when you need to work the hardest to meet people, get jobs etc...thats going to be a hard transition, but could be really really good for you. It will be what you make it. Being single is hard just because when you are used to doing stuff with someone all the time and then your not, its just lonely. But before you met her, you were probably okay with your life. You have to get back to that place where alone is perfectly fine, you even like it. I am at that point where I actually like it. I like hanging with my friends, flirting with guys, looking...but not having to please someone else all the time. Not having to wait by the phone, compromise what I wanted to do for what he wanted to do, make my life choices based on him...bla bla bla! I like doing fun things that I decide with my friends, and I date occassionally. Haven't met Mr. Wonderful yet, but I will someday I am sure. In the mean time, I just am learning to like who I am again, and be okay with who I am, and be a better version of ME!!!!! Don't sweat the lonliness, its okay, and it doesn't matter, you will find in a few months, your actually going to like it. Link to post Share on other sites
stlnsmile Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 Okay....well now you can help me....explain this to me......why would a guy your age(my ex) who dumped me....you already know that whole story......and got with someone a mear 4 weeks later.......get a clone girlfriend. And I mean everything....Long Blond Hair, blue eyes, a shorty, same exact body type, same facial features, and the same color car even?????? Its weird?????? I wouldn't be suprised if she talked like me and acted like me? Link to post Share on other sites
critter909 Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 ends.......the excitement ends.....and what you have left, is whatever you haven't dealth with. I mean you can think about someone else constantly even when you are with someone new...you don't want to do that, its really not fun. You could end up hurting someone in that situation. Your a nice guy...don't do that to someone. When you feel really good, then try. I agree, I have been on my own for 2 weeks. I know if I went out with someone now all I would be thinking about is my ex. That really wouldn't be fair to the other person and you would have to go through at least some kind of hurt when this new relationship brakes up, even if you didn't really care about the person. You would be being the jerk... you don't want that, just more guilt and negative feelings. Hang in there, I don't feel as bad as I did a week ago... Link to post Share on other sites
shanny Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 One day at a time Blaze... that is the best way to get through it. Life is funny... you never know if your whole life will change by the end of the day... for better or for worse. Someone could walk into your life tomorrow and make you forget that this girl every existed. And you are young... find things to enjoy and it will work out. Losing someone you love is the worst feeling out there... but you will be fine in time. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blaze5 Posted June 18, 2008 Author Share Posted June 18, 2008 Okay....well now you can help me....explain this to me......why would a guy your age(my ex) who dumped me....you already know that whole story......and got with someone a mear 4 weeks later.......get a clone girlfriend. And I mean everything....Long Blond Hair, blue eyes, a shorty, same exact body type, same facial features, and the same color car even?????? Its weird?????? I wouldn't be suprised if she talked like me and acted like me? That is weird...and sort of creepy..but i guess he wanted the same physical features as you but different personallity..i dont know Link to post Share on other sites
stlnsmile Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 Yeah sort of creapy....ehh..I'm over it. Just thought I'de ask:) Now if I could just get his stalker gf to stop driving by my house......need a lazor or something;D Link to post Share on other sites
Author blaze5 Posted June 18, 2008 Author Share Posted June 18, 2008 haha or a stuffed real size bear waiting at your door Link to post Share on other sites
Author blaze5 Posted June 18, 2008 Author Share Posted June 18, 2008 Lately ive been doing better but still have alot of moments where i feel sad and miss her. I try using that thing where you try to feel how you felt before you knew her but it doesnt work because she really effected my life in so many ways. The past 4 days i havent looked on her myspace page which is a good thing because everytime i do i feel more pain. Lately ive been a little tempted to look but i try not to think about it. Link to post Share on other sites
stlnsmile Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 Its going to take a while. It took me three months to really start moving forward, and another 2 to really start feeling good again. Everyone takes their own time to heal. Your going to think about her, cry, etc..the journal is good, it does help, and does keep you in NC. LS helps a lot too. The longer you are with someone the longer it takes I think. I was truly in love with my ex, but I can tell you I have let go. At first it was just keeping as busy as possilbe. Then, once my mind started to grasp certain truths about the relationship, it became easier to let go. You will go through the anger phase, and when you get there, that is a good place because it shows you are moving in the right direction. Right now I think you are still in the "I've been hit by a truck" phase. It will pass. I know its been at least 4 weeks since the break up....how long has it been. At 6 weeks, I sort of lost it. But thats when I really started to get better too:) I can say, when you find out they are with someone else so quickly, that sets you back a few weeks too. That happened to me at around three months, and took me back quite a bit. Just realize all of this is normal, and its okay. And you will, and I really mean this, you will get over her. I know you don't think you will, I didn't either, and no that does not mean you will just forget her or anything, you will just be able to live and be okay..... Link to post Share on other sites
stlnsmile Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 Lately ive been doing better but still have alot of moments where i feel sad and miss her. I try using that thing where you try to feel how you felt before you knew her but it doesnt work because she really effected my life in so many ways. The past 4 days i havent looked on her myspace page which is a good thing because everytime i do i feel more pain. Lately ive been a little tempted to look but i try not to think about it. Relationships do change your life, no doubt, our SO become so important to every aspect of our lives. And it is hard to get used to. We forget who we were before them. We forget how to do what ever it was we did before them. We forget what we liked, and what we wanted. And it really takes a lot of time to get that back. I'm at 6 months and still getting that back....its a process. It takes time. Im doin good, and everything I add to my life now, for me is a small victory. I just keep adding things that are important to me. Don't look at her myspace, people always say they are doing PERFECT on myspace..its all lies and just hurts you anyway. Your time is better spent learning to knit for God sakes, than looking at her myspace:) Really anything is better than that. Run, take a jog, lift weights, take a walk, look up something you've always wanted to know about, I would say join a club, but your leaving. Get stronger (buff) that will make her nuts. Success is the best revenge, believe me!!!!!!! Take care of you and do the stuff you always wished you could. I know its hard when you feel like you've been hit by a truck, but you are going to the pool with friends, so you have the strength to leave your house which is GOOD!!! Link to post Share on other sites
stlnsmile Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 haha or a stuffed real size bear waiting at your door Hehe:cool: Link to post Share on other sites
critter909 Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 Stay off myspace!!!! That was killing me. I haven't been on in at least 10 days. We don't need to see that Link to post Share on other sites
Author blaze5 Posted June 18, 2008 Author Share Posted June 18, 2008 yeah..it really does just hurt more..thats how i found out she had a new boyfriend, and it really broke my heart.. i felt like.. did i mean nothing to her? I hate having those flashback sort of moments where you think about all the fun things you did together. it really sucks. But i always try to be optimistic and say.. well maybe its good she left because she was needy, controlling, and her parents were a real peice of work.. but maybe thats why i always wanted to be with her was because it was the best feeling to be needed by someone..i dont know Link to post Share on other sites
Author blaze5 Posted June 19, 2008 Author Share Posted June 19, 2008 Gah..the worst thing about trying to get better after a break up is having a dream about the person you once had. I keep having dreams about her and either its she hates me and doesnt want to see me or shes trying to get me back. Everytime i wake up i wish something would happen, i feel like i really miss her and wish i had her back all over again. Link to post Share on other sites
critter909 Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 It's strange about the dreams because I now have dreams about my ex too. I know I had dreams that he was in while we were together but these are different. When I wake up I really feel the loss. In one of the dreams we worked things out, god it can be hard sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blaze5 Posted June 19, 2008 Author Share Posted June 19, 2008 It's strange about the dreams because I now have dreams about my ex too. I know I had dreams that he was in while we were together but these are different. When I wake up I really feel the loss. In one of the dreams we worked things out, god it can be hard sometimes. Agreed. Ive had those several times and wished that when i woke up it was for real that we did fix things and get back together Link to post Share on other sites
stlnsmile Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 Blaze, I had the dreams to. They do go away, but they really really hurt and suck when your having them. Try listening to some music right before you go to sleep, I hear that helps?:bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
Author blaze5 Posted June 20, 2008 Author Share Posted June 20, 2008 Blaze, I had the dreams to. They do go away, but they really really hurt and suck when your having them. Try listening to some music right before you go to sleep, I hear that helps?:bunny: im not sure.. my sleep schedule is really messed up.. i have to take sleeping pills every night just to fall asleep like im insomniac or something.. and when i do sleep i dont like it because of the dreams i have, it hurts. I dont have work or anything yet so my sleeping schedule is this. cant sleep till 4 a.m. restless without the sleeping pill so i take it and probably wont wake up till 2 or 3 pm.. i know sleeping pills probably arent the best thing to use and sleeping that long may not be healthy but without them i really cant sleep ive tried everything and people have suggested meditating or something. I just cant fall asleep ever and when i do..it sucks. Thats a big problem. Link to post Share on other sites
stlnsmile Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 Well, in case you haven't tried all the obvious stuff...I'm going to post some of it. But also remember, I have a feeling when you move, you are going to be soooo busy during that time, and awake during the day doing stuff, exhaustion will come naturally to you at night. But here's some obvious stuff anyway.... Try to start working your way to an earlier time for be. Even midnight would be better. I would say cut 10-15 minutes off of what time you are going to bed every day or every two days. When you sleep till 2 or 3p.m that of course just keeps the cycle going. Set an alarm clock...okay I know we are not in school right now, but if you are only getting eight hours instead of ten or more, you may find that you are getting tired earlier. And that you can progress towards a more normal sleep schedule gradually. So make yourself wake up at lets say noon instead of 2 p.m. then you will want to go to bed a bit earlier. Listen to something that is really really relaxing to you, sounds of water, rain, music....something to make your mind chill out. Drink a big glass of milk, that really does help me:) Just try to cut off how late you stay up each night for a week or more by 15 minutes or so. And don't watch T.V....it will just keep you awake...make yourself read something instead. Also depends on if you really care that much right now...it seems like its bugging you, that you don't like it...so thats why I'm making suggestions. It honestly took me a while, about 3 months for my sleep to be normal, so also realize that this is just normal too. Stress and emotional pain really mess with your sleep. It will get better when the pain is less. How long has it been since your breakup? Over 6 weeks? Link to post Share on other sites
stlnsmile Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 And start taking your sleeping pill at 3am this week...that way by maybe 3:30 you'll be tired, cutting off about 30 minutes right there, then next week you can work to 3 then 2:30 etc....Personally if I was going to be up at 4 a.m. I better be at a really amazing party or on a really amazing date. And speaking of dates....I'm going on one today.....wohooooooo! Who knows. I'm honestly at the point I wonder...is anyone ever going to see me for what I really am? Is anyone ever going to love me again. I know its stupid.....but I swear, I've had three guys say they like me, and persue me, only to have it crash and burn because of too strict parents etc...or the guy is a player...like one guy was chasing me, only to find out he had a gf already.......duhhhh! Men suck...well except for you:cool::bunny: Please God tell me there are some good ones left that are our age?????? Link to post Share on other sites
Author blaze5 Posted June 20, 2008 Author Share Posted June 20, 2008 The break up is almost 2 months now, so im pretty positive she wont come back..even as much as id like her to i dont think it would be a good idea to take her back..not after this whole mess..she really screwed my life up. But anyways thank you for posting about the sleeping advice ill try and give that a try.. I guess theres nothing i can do about the dreams but face them..and then ignore them, they are just dreams. Link to post Share on other sites
stlnsmile Posted June 21, 2008 Share Posted June 21, 2008 Even though I miss my ex, and there are still days I wish I could have him back, there is a reality to this that is hard to admit. What sort of relationship would I have with him now? The trust is gone? I think the fantasy of them, what we thought we had, is what keeps us hanging on. But if what we had was real love, like we thought it was, there would be no way someone who is in love with you, would prefer to live a life with out you in it. It is better for you to find someone who loves you, or to live alone, than it is to be with someone who does not love you and stays with you for other reasons, like pitty or feeling sorry for you. I would rather just have my life and do what I like to do. I was with my ex for a year and 4 months.......the last four months he said he was trying to figure out a way to end it. Its brutal that he said that, but I am glad he did now. The reason why is, it helps me to understand that he was getting over me long before I was getting over him. When the break up happened, of course I was in shock. I couldn't believe it. But now I see looking back that he was out of there long before he made the decision to leave. And he has a lot more time to deal with that decision than I did. For every month of getting over him that I have under my belt, I have to add four months to his getting over me. Your ex was thinking about breaking up long before she did, and had a lot more time to deal with it than you have. I guess all I am trying to say, is that getting back with someone who checks out of a relationship and thinks about checking out months before they do, is probably not a good idea. The people who can do this are not communicating, are not talking about how they feel, in essance lying or hiding things in the relationship. Also, in some way, I feel they are judging you, they are looking at you and deciding for whatever reason, you are not good enough. And the best part is, again they are hiding it all from you. Maybe they are scared to be truthful about those sort of feelings and thoughts, but again, then why be with someone like that. I would rather be with someone who just knows who they are and can tell me the truth. Who does not lie about their feelings, and their feelings are not changable like the wind. I want someone who is steady and stable and healthy. I want that for you too. I hope you would never take her back, or only take her back under the condition that she actually understood what the hell she did wrong. More than likely our ex's, expecially mine, are not coming back, and in the mean time, the most important thing is you. You have to decide again what you like and want and need out of life, and learn how to like yourself, all by yourself, with no one to hold you up. And you know what that shows about you...strength...real strength. My ex jumped into another relationship, you know why, because he was not capable of holding himself up by himself.....yours is the same way. You and I.....we are strong. Thats what is going to help us win out in the end.:bunny::) They will continue to do stupid cra*, while we move forward learning how to be strong for ourselves, standing on our own two feet, growing in maturity. While they are running around acting like 4 year olds who need a mommy. Thats why I know you are going to be okay. Link to post Share on other sites
YoMamma Posted June 21, 2008 Share Posted June 21, 2008 Hello all, especially to you Blaze5, I'm sorry to hear that your girl is with someone new. Sometimes I do not understand how people move on so quickly. In my situation, I believe it to be that he NEVER loved me. We were together for a year and a month and not even once did he told me he loved me. And maybe he did love me and kept it to himself, now that would be unfair to me if he did that And I erased him off of my facebook, dude, it feels so much better NOT looking at his profile. Of course I wonder what he's doing and possibly if he is with someone new (I think he is but I'm not so sure). I believe he is with someone new and that breaks me heart... we haven't broken up that long and makes me feel like our relationship meant nothing to him. People can be really heartless sometimes and sometimes people move on faster, and the only explanation I have was that, I guess they just didn't have feelings anymore, I don't know. Now I can't offer you much advice as I only have dated 1 person. He dumped me because I had trust issues with him. Though I brought up this one situation about him and my close friend, he just got angry and said he couldn't take it anymore. I was devastated. I don't like haboring insecure, doubtful thoughts and feelings and explained to myself that if I don't get them out and let him know then it will haunt me later. He definitely wasn't the one for me. Because a good SO will try to make me feel better and would want to work things out. So anyways, I haven't spoke to him since he day we broke up, I'm pretty proud of myself actually. I hear people break NC all the time... gosh, I wanted to so badly but in order to move on, I had to make a clean break. It's sad Blaze5 but at one point I guess I would have taken him back if he apologized for the way he has hurt me, but I believe that everything has turned out for the best. It's been 3 months NC for me. So just hang in there, you sound like a nice guy There is no way someone can't notice you! I'm sorry she has hurt you this way, she should have been more considerate. I think that when people break up they need time to reenergize before jumping back on the dating scene. And who knows? Are you sure she is with someone? She might be taking pictures with the same guy to make you see that she's moving on. My ex bought some other chick to our friend's wedding. He acted as if I wasn't there... what an ass. I'm not going to approach him to say hi, he's the one who left me! It's going to take some time to heal Blaze5, especially if you are a sensitive, emotional type person like myself. I was very intense and passionate about my ex and the feelings didn't seem reciprocated which hurt even more. We will become stronger because of this. With every painful lesson we learn from our broken relationships, we will become better and wiser people. Who cares what she does, think or say, etc. She is no longer part of you life and it wasn't meant to be, I'm sorry to say I don't know if you are religious or not Blaze5, but maybe it would help you if you prayed every night. Or read! Reading helps you relax! I hope all is well with you and hang in there buddy. I'm with you, LS is with you too! Someone better suited for us and would never leave us is going to be part of our lives someday. You have to take time to heal and you'll know when you're ready to venture out and look for that special someone. I'm taking the time to see who I am and to learn to love me. Good luck to you and keep us updated, we are always here Link to post Share on other sites
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