stepheine Posted June 14, 2008 Posted June 14, 2008 I have not been to this site in a while but last time I was here I got great feedback and you guys are the best!! Anyway, I need some advice if anyone has some. I have been engaged for about 3 months and since I have been with my fiance I have been a lot happier and my life just has been so much better!! He has been great anything and everything I ever wanted, So perfect in ways I have been scared it couldn't stay this perfect forever!! We both so in love, happy and making plans for our wedding. In the last 3 months since we have been engaged we have had big changes!! I moved in to what he calls our house, we put all our finances together, flew thousands of miles away from home to meet his family, told our friends and family about our big plans to get married. Both families seem to be accepting and happy for us. We have had little problems or obstacles. We are getting married in january deposits have already been paid. we are leaving for Jamaica next week But............ The past 4 days something seems up with him, and I know I am not imagining things. It feels to me he is more off in his own little world. He seems to not be willing to please me as much, he use to talk to me about everything and today I found out he was keeping some plans from me. He had a trip scheduled in August for 4 days which I knew about, well he was talking with his pals and decided he would leave 2 days earlier without even discussing it with me. I found out today because I brought the trip up and said I would like to go, he then stated "there are some changes to the trip I need to tell you about" I feel that he is drifting from me and losing focus of me. I am very family oriented, he knows this, I have put a lot of energy in making his mom feel included in our lives. My family will always be in my life, no compromise they come before any friends. It just seems he is more about friends and the vision we talked about is by the wastside. I love him but I am scared, I don't want to lose him, I want him happy, I don't want him to feel controlled, but I want him to understand me, I want him to talk to me first. I think he is getting a lot of pressure from his friends invites to parties every weekend and invites to leave town with the guys. Why??? These men are married but are not family men. I want a family man and he is very aware of this. So, we have talked about this and it is an arguement. Things with us are a little rocky right now. We are working on things but why and how does he not see how I feel. I have explained to him my feelings and he feels it is all me and that I am getting upset with him over anything and everything. Help please
Author stepheine Posted June 14, 2008 Author Posted June 14, 2008 So, tonight I am sitting in a different room pleasant doing my own thing after he told me we can have different interest. He comes in gives me a hug and says "it is funny cause I told you we dont have to be in the same room all the time but now that we aren't together I miss you more than ever" What is up with him???
celinedion1 Posted June 14, 2008 Posted June 14, 2008 Maybe he is just having mood swings. My ex had mood swings a lot. He and I would talk about everything, and then he would at tiems seem to be in his own little world. I thought that it was me at first, but then i realized that he just wanted some space to do what he wanted. Anyway to make a long story short, sometiems guys are just hard to figure out. Communication is the key, try telling your fiance how you feel and see what he has to say. Good Luck!
Template Posted June 14, 2008 Posted June 14, 2008 Maybe he is just having mood swings. My ex had mood swings a lot. He and I would talk about everything, and then he would at tiems seem to be in his own little world. I thought that it was me at first, but then i realized that he just wanted some space to do what he wanted. Anyway to make a long story short, sometiems guys are just hard to figure out. Communication is the key, try telling your fiance how you feel and see what he has to say. Good Luck! Hehe... that's funny, cuz a lot of us guys here would say the same things about women. No offense to anyone of course To be honest, I wouldn't know, from a guys perspective, what is going on with this dude. Unless there's more to the story that we don't know. Maybe he's been stressed lately, or maybe he just wants to get his guy galavanting out of the way before making that committment with you. Could be he's just really busy with life, and forgot all the little things that makes you happy. Who knows really. Or maybe you're really excited about the wedding, and in your eyes he's not; cold feet perhaps. Really hard to say with this one
ianandris Posted June 14, 2008 Posted June 14, 2008 But let there be spaces in your togetherness. And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another, but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow. -Kahlil Gibran Don't be too concerned if he doesn't tell you everything. Trust him. If it's right, it will work out. No need to worry just yet.
Author stepheine Posted June 14, 2008 Author Posted June 14, 2008 Thanks guys all who responded. I know this is a tough one. So I told him I was ok with him going on his guy trip b/c I don't want to control him or him resent me for missing out on something. I don't want to form unhealthy patterns either. I am trying to take deep breaths and move forward and lighten up a bit when I am feeling these feelings of distance. I am going to try to just go with things for awhile and shrug things off like he says I should. There is a thin line to this though b/c I cannot forsake my own beliefs or myself in just shrugging things off. At this point I have been very honest with him about what I want out of a life with him and what will make me happy. Now I will see if he is dropping the ball or stepping to the plate. Thanks guys!!!
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