pelicanpreacher Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 You're a good one. I wouldn't. Even with my family history, I still wouldn't. It really depends. This is where my language will get ethnic. Contact with a child born to my H by an OW depends on the educational and economic status of the OW. Honestly. Sad but true and I hate to admit it. My biggest problem with contact with the child and my kids is that my kids may feel like they are being punished to accept their father's mistake. So its not exactly fair to subject my kids to a sibling they never wanted (if that's, in fact, the case) all to make the OW's kid feel innocent. You know, what about my kids? I agree that children are certainly innocent, but how they come into this world will matter some initially (give it a couple of years, that is). A child born into an affair doesn't merit extra special handling just so we don't make them feel like what they are by many people affected by the EMA - unwanted. What really makes the least amount of sense to me is that some OWs expect the MM to leave an already established family to start one with her. I wonder if the same OW will allow the MM to leave the family he starts with her for yet another family? The claim is that the BW tries to trap her H by getting pregnant. What exactly would the OW be said to be doing then? Hmmmm?? MM that get the OW pregnant should be neutered!!!! They cause too many complications in a situation that is already rife with them. Yikes!
porter218 Posted July 12, 2008 Posted July 12, 2008 Ya ok I'd like to see if your husband one day got another woman pregnant, how fast you would accept the new baby. You talk as if it's so easy, maybe you think real life is just a Hollywood romantic comedy. I very realistically had to think about what I would do because I was afraid this was going to happen to me(the affair leading to a baby). My Husband cheated on me with some stripper 1 state away when our son was only 4 weeks old. His condom failed him, so I was faced with this same fear.I concluded that if she turned up pregnant I would leave my husband but allow for a relationship between my son and that baby. I would have done the same even if it had been an EA.
Angel1111 Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 I very realistically had to think about what I would do because I was afraid this was going to happen to me(the affair leading to a baby). My Husband cheated on me with some stripper 1 state away when our son was only 4 weeks old. His condom failed him, so I was faced with this same fear.I concluded that if she turned up pregnant I would leave my husband but allow for a relationship between my son and that baby. I would have done the same even if it had been an EA. Same here. I had already decided that if OW got pregnant, there would be no turning back. I would be gone. That is something I would've never gotten past. I ended up leaving him anyway but for different reasons. OW being pregnant would've sealed our fate even sooner.
porter218 Posted July 13, 2008 Posted July 13, 2008 My biggest problem with contact with the child and my kids is that my kids may feel like they are being punished to accept their father's mistake. So its not exactly fair to subject my kids to a sibling they never wanted (if that's, in fact, the case) all to make the OW's kid feel innocent. You know, what about my kids? I agree that children are certainly innocent, but how they come into this world will matter some initially (give it a couple of years, that is). A child born into an affair doesn't merit extra special handling just so we don't make them feel like what they are by many people affected by the EMA - unwanted. I don't feel like that is "extra special handling". Do you have any kids with half siblings? My kids have 2 half brothers, and I don't see how that is much different then a half sibling born from an affair. I make sure that the half brothers are very involved with my son and baby-2-be because this is good for all concerned. What is to say that your kids didn't want the siblings that were born by both the same parents(full siblings), all kids have a little hesitation about sharing attention be it a full sibling, half sibling, or half sibling from an affair. However a child feeling that they are being "punished to accept their fathers mistake", is just not likely unless you have taught them to feel that way. I understand if you are talking about an OW from a very different socioeconomic background, but the OW in this case is a professor from a religious family. I don't see much problem integrating those kids.
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