v33 Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 Feeling nostalgic today and having little breakdowns. I keep reaching for my cell! I have NO IDEA what I hope to accomplish by calling her, I know exactly how it will go and it won't be good.... but I want to reach out to her somehow. Not like she cares... she is happily distracted with someone else. I am convinced she wouldn't have left for good if someone else hadn't been there to keep her busy while she got over me. Lonely and weak today... and she is so close by.... just up the road, and his truck is probably there. I can't even drive down the next block for fear of confirming what I know is true anyways, they are still together and he is having a nice Friday evening with her. Yup, that dirty old man is holding my ex-sweetie....I feel sick.
ioncebelieved Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 I did exactly what you are about to do last week and it about killed my a$$ for two days!!! I am still hurting about it now!!! Unless you calling will be all good, I WOULDN'T do it!!! I delayed my healing by a month at least calling her!!
kizik Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 V, your ex did you VERY wrong. OK? I thought I was in pain, but if my ex had CHEATED on me? I would be going f*cking crazy. And I'd hate her f*cking guts forever. I wouldn't IDEALIZE her. You can't call this girl, she's a super whore. Please don't do it. Go hang out with your friends, it's Friday!!
Author v33 Posted June 13, 2008 Author Posted June 13, 2008 I should hate her. She cheated twice! One with the guy next door (over 6 months) and with the "father figure" for 2 months before she left me. Ya, I really should hate her. I just can't get her off the pedestal and she doesn't deserve to be there! I keep making excuses for what she did... I have to stop. She isn't the same person I fell in love with. I can't call her, she doesn't exist anymore.
ioncebelieved Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 I can't call her, she doesn't exist anymore. YOU Freaking A RIGHT!!! That is what I need to tell myself right now as I deal with this mess I am in!!!
Trialbyfire Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 Put your hands in the air and step back from the cell phone. Don't be making me fly there and read you your Miranda rights!!
kizik Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 She's probably just pretty. And she was "yours" for a time, and now that she's not it's a blow to the ego. Well, there are plenty of pretty girls out there who AREN'T cheaters, V. Who have good hearts, no anorexia and no drinking problem. Your life was Jerry Springer, man. Be glad to be outta that dysfunction.
Author v33 Posted June 13, 2008 Author Posted June 13, 2008 Thanks, Kizik, I know it's for the best. And you are right, she is pretty... and the blow to the ego is the hardest part of this I think. I don't know if I am glad she left me for an old man instead of some young good looking guy...or not.... haha, what would be worse? I guess if she ended up with the 60 year old dyke that would be pretty bad!!! LOL But as you said, there's lots of pretty girls out there that will be able to actually participate in a relationship with me instead of just draining me. Just hearing that she is "doing so well" makes me wish she would have been "so well" with me. But this phase of hers will pass as well, I just won't know about it anymore. Just gotta keep on with my own life. It's funny, I am getting in great shape, being social, pursuing my interests, furthering my education, dating (barely) and it's all great and all making me a better man..... but none of it is helping me to get over her.
kizik Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 Just hearing that she is "doing so well" makes me wish she would have been "so well" with me. You shouldn't allow yourself to hear ANYthing about her. Avoid information, V. Though we crave it, it's sadomasochistic. It's really bad for us. It's like me being tempted to hack into her email. Awful, terrible idea (I never did it). Your ex-girl does sound really terrible, man. And I know your instinct is to tear my head off for saying that! Emotions are so f*cked up.
Author v33 Posted June 14, 2008 Author Posted June 14, 2008 Dude, it is so messed up in general. She is like 2 completely different people. She could be the sweetest, more caring, generous, loving girl in the world, or an absolute terror. And since we broke up I have seen a 3rd side which is pretty much evil incarnate. I guess it is hard for me to hate her because I have seen the good part of her and I still believe in it. She has done her best to clear my head of that image of her, but for some reason I am just not able to let it go. I do try to avoid hearing about her now. And I know her sobriety will be short lived. It will take more than a new man saying the right words, touching her just the right way and keeping an eye on her to get her over her addiction. And then she has so many other issues, and they can't be hidden. Really, if he is such a man of wisdom and experience, what the hell is he doing with her? I am sure he LOVES having sex with someone so much younger, but I am telling you, she makes you pay a hell of a price. But it's only been a couple months for them.... I held on for years even when I got NOTHING back from her. I am not calling.... not tonight at least. I think I need to get over her by getting under someone else. The night is young.
AGENT 99 Posted June 14, 2008 Posted June 14, 2008 Hey V...you REALLY want a reason NOT to do it? Think about getting back with her....and everytime you go down on her you're going where old man balls were....LOL Nothing worse than sloppy seconds from old gramps.. LOL
Author v33 Posted June 14, 2008 Author Posted June 14, 2008 Hey V...you REALLY want a reason NOT to do it? Think about getting back with her....and everytime you go down on her you're going where old man balls were....LOL Nothing worse than sloppy seconds from old gramps.. LOL Hehehe! Nice visual, thanks! Good point though. She's used goods to me now anyways.... I could never take her back... I just hate how it ended and the fact that I waited until SHE did it.
Author v33 Posted June 14, 2008 Author Posted June 14, 2008 You know, I realized it just doesn't matter, she never answers my calls anyways!
replicator Posted June 14, 2008 Posted June 14, 2008 It's fine to WANT to call her (I guess), but don't do it. Wow, Mr. Y, you've really turned the corner and now you're providing advice to others. That is great to see that you've progressed so far from where you were. Keep it up man.
LikeCharlotte Posted June 14, 2008 Posted June 14, 2008 Dude, it is so messed up in general. She is like 2 completely different people. She could be the sweetest, more caring, generous, loving girl in the world, or an absolute terror. And since we broke up I have seen a 3rd side which is pretty much evil incarnate.And then you realize that it is all one person and wonder if you ever knew her at all. She has major problems and you are better off. Remember that when you feel nostalgic.
Nevermind Posted June 14, 2008 Posted June 14, 2008 My ex cheated and yet I still want to call him...I understand. However, if you do not have anything to say the phone call will be a messy whiny thing, where you stammer out words, desperate to make a good healthy impression...She will not like it. Worst case: she will pity you. Harsh truth? She cheated. Not in a one-night-stand but in an affair. She is not worth your love and sadly, she doesn't know what love is. Deeper emotions? She won't understand it, she won't understand your call. All it would do for her is make her feel better about herself. Do you want that?
borelandkaren Posted June 14, 2008 Posted June 14, 2008 My ex cheated and yet I still want to call him...I understand. However, if you do not have anything to say the phone call will be a messy whiny thing, where you stammer out words, desperate to make a good healthy impression...She will not like it. Worst case: she will pity you. Harsh truth? She cheated. Not in a one-night-stand but in an affair. She is not worth your love and sadly, she doesn't know what love is. Deeper emotions? She won't understand it, she won't understand your call. All it would do for her is make her feel better about herself. Do you want that? OOhhh yeah! Don't, under any circumstance, provide the ego boost these types of people are after. Provide your own though. Go......get a haircut, go to the gym, get in some retail therapy and buy some new threads(!), do anything to boost YOUR EGO that you can. If you call, text, email, she sees it as a sign of having won something and thinks you are everything that you broke up for anyway. Don't provide her with the supply that her ego needs. This person is BAD for you and HURTS you. Be KIND to YOU. You are LOVELY.
Author v33 Posted June 14, 2008 Author Posted June 14, 2008 Thanks everyone. I know I am so much better off without her. Last year when I thought we were going to break up I was really relieved and was looking forward to it. I never really took the steps to let go however, and we saw so little of each other over the last year (even though we lived together) that I never noticed how she had changed. Or didn't want to. For some reason I have mentally blocked out those bad times, and even now I have a hard time accepting that she did what she did. The girl is dumb, be she isn't stupid. She knows how to put on a smiling face, and say the right things. People love her. She has this persona that 99% of the world sees and it was even what I was given most of the time. Just for fun, here are some of the things she did : - Slept with her ex husband while drunk about 3.5 years ago a few months after we started dating. - Cheated on him with me while they were separated. Now, I don't know if it's really cheating as she claims they were done and she was moving out, but he was under the impression their separation was temporary, a chance for her to sober up and figure herself out. I didn't know this till later. She told me she was going to leave me for the same reason, but she found a new man... get well alone, my ass! - Emotionally cheated on me for years with older men. Having very personal conversations with them while not sharing her feelings with me. - Lied about when she was done work so she could drink without me knowing. - Kept me and my family waiting countless times while she was drinking, and lied about where she was. - Told all of her friends and family I was gay, going back almost 2 years, but I never knew she was spreading this lie, but now I can see that they behaved oddly around me. - Withheld sex and told me it was because she felt shameful about it, yet slept with people behind my back. - Which brings me to : slept with the guy next door over the course of our last year together. - Made out with a 60 year old woman. - Fell in love with and slept with a 58 year old man before we broke up, over about 3 months. Still with him to this day. - Lied to me and others about her being a cancer survivor. She has never had cancer. She made up so many stories to get pity from others. It goes on and on and on. I am the only one that knows the dark side of her. Well, her ex-husband might too, but she has become so low. Of course the cheating and the alcoholism is very carefully hidden from others and she made sure to isolate me from her friends and co-workers and family long ago so she could spread some lies about me to justify the break up. And to stop them from finding out what really happened. My family is shocked by the true story, as are my friends, and sadly.... so am I. I have to remember how horrible she really was to me. No matter how pretty she is on the outside, how beautiful the laugh, how warm the smile.... she's a monster. I will get it into my head soon enough. I guess it's harder for me to adjust to than I thought it would be. Her not being in my life, I mean. She really kept things in check while we still lived here and had me fooled right to the end. Even as she was moving out she still tried to keep me convinced that she was a good person. But as soon as she had made her break I saw the real her and it really threw me off. I feel like there are some things that need to be resolved but I will have to deal wit them on my own. She isn't interested in helping me. Never was.
sunshinegirl Posted June 14, 2008 Posted June 14, 2008 Just for fun, here are some of the things she did : - Slept with her ex husband while drunk about 3.5 years ago a few months after we started dating. - Cheated on him with me while they were separated. Now, I don't know if it's really cheating as she claims they were done and she was moving out, but he was under the impression their separation was temporary, a chance for her to sober up and figure herself out. I didn't know this till later. She told me she was going to leave me for the same reason, but she found a new man... get well alone, my ass! - Emotionally cheated on me for years with older men. Having very personal conversations with them while not sharing her feelings with me. - Lied about when she was done work so she could drink without me knowing. - Kept me and my family waiting countless times while she was drinking, and lied about where she was. - Told all of her friends and family I was gay, going back almost 2 years, but I never knew she was spreading this lie, but now I can see that they behaved oddly around me. - Withheld sex and told me it was because she felt shameful about it, yet slept with people behind my back. - Which brings me to : slept with the guy next door over the course of our last year together. - Made out with a 60 year old woman. - Fell in love with and slept with a 58 year old man before we broke up, over about 3 months. Still with him to this day. - Lied to me and others about her being a cancer survivor. She has never had cancer. She made up so many stories to get pity from others. Print this list out and keep it with you at all times. When you start feeling sad, wistful, missing her, or wanting to call her, refer to this list. Over time, you will eventually come to realize that these are not actions of someone who is capable of being in an honest, open, committed, healthy relationship. I don't care how often or loudly she says she's doing well... bottom line is she's NOT. She has major character issues and you can almost bank on the fact that eventually she's going to cheat on the old guy. It's her pattern, is it not? Cheated on her XH with you; cheated on you with the old guy (and someone else)... do you somehow think this very entrenched pattern is magically going to disappear? No way.
Author v33 Posted June 14, 2008 Author Posted June 14, 2008 Ok this is good. I am angry now! It's about time. She treated me horribly and she didn't care then and she doesn't care now. To hell with her. Her life isn't roses and she is going to get what she deserves, she will fall back into her old ways soon enough. She might have already for all I know, and thank god I don't have to deal with it anymore. She's a horrible, awful, messed up person. Yes I am angry with her. She will never know it, she thinks she should be angry with me..... oh well. I wish I hadn't let it go on for so long, it's hard to get used to a person being gone after 4 years together, but the truth is she was gone long ago.
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