Hipgal23 Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 Hey all! I need some suggestions if Im making the right choices here. Okay so the guy Ive been dating for 4 months steadily now.. well he lied to me. And I caught him But its all good because now that the truths out he feels like a total A** He said he was goin outta town and blah blah blah. Well I stopped on by his house and he was there. Ive known for a while that something was goin on, and I know he's been very confused. I understand because he's human. Im not taking no crap though. I told him that he had no reason to lie to me about what was goin on and he hurt me tremedously. But im trying to put myself in his shoes. You know sometimes we dont know how people will handle situations its all about learning. He was burned pretty bad in the past and im pretty sure his ex-wife backed him in the corner a bit. I understand if he feels unsure about how i would react to the truth about some lady coming from another state b/c they thought they were close. Well the truth came out. He told me that when him and I first began dating there was this chick who was introduced to him through his good friend and they hit it off. Well this was about the same time him and I meet. Shes from another state though. So they were talkin on the phone and what not while we have spent our days and nights together. He told me about her in the begining but as things have progressed we became close and Im guessing things changed between them ....Im here...she's there. Im pretty sure this is in my favor. Its almost like i found him at just the right time. Like it was completly ment for him to see that not all that glitters is gold, and sometimes what you really need is right here in front of you. So after a day of crying and being upset and talking with him back and forth I made a choice. I meet him to retrieve some of my things ( what an excuse to make contact ) Told him that we shouldnt have any contact for 2 weeks. We should still talk on the phone but it should give us some time to decide how we feel for each other............ So he tells me..... I enjoy spending time with you so much that it scares me. Then goes on to say how things arent the same between them as he thought they were. plus shes in another state! Across the country! I Understand he might be confused so I layed it on the table for him. I really enjoy the time we have spent but Im not gonna take no lyin bull S*** So now he can persue me right? I told him that Ive got a date on Saturday...And its the truth. He called me this morning chit chattin with me. When i told him i had a date He became very very interested........Hangs up the phone and calls me back AGAIN. Saying how this guy better be a gentleman, he really feels like a jerk for what hes done. But now maybe he can see what type of woman he could have. I am realizing now that I care for this man very deeply, that he's becoming apart of my heart Im falling in love with him and I dont want to loose him, I just dont want to set my self up for heartache. I know how I feel about him. But I also what him to see that I am understanding enough to let him sort out whatever he needs to sort out. He hasnt stopped calling me. Is this because he see's what he could have? Im love drunk. Literaly. Has anybody else ever been love drunk? When you have that feelin and you just know.. Is there such a thing as feelin somebody else's heart reachin out for you? Where you really feel it? or am I just setting myself up for failure. All I know is I cant stop thinkg about him, and now that Ive put my foot down he's callin me even more. Its hard to be so stand offish when you feel for somebody, when your fallin in love with them. I feel like my heart can feel his. DOES THIS MAKE SINCE OR AM I CRAZY!?!?!?! I have so many different opinions of this situation. My best friends says to drop him like a bad habbit. I know shes just lookin out for me but isnt this how people gain second chances? How will I ever know if I dont take this chance? I know he lied but he now knows that Im not playin around! I guess Im just gonna have to play it out and see what happens. Any advice from an outsider??:o:o
ianandris Posted June 14, 2008 Posted June 14, 2008 The problem is that he has a disposition to play around. If he's in line only because he knows you aren't playing around, what will happen when he gets comfortable again? Fact is, the guy isn't fit to be the type of companion you want. Yes, you love him, but he isn't ready for that kind of a relationship. If you go back with him, you're setting yourself up for heart break. Unless you're married, second chances aren't worth giving out (and even then, you should think very long and very hard about giving someone a second chance). Have a higher standard for yourself. For instance: My SO broke up with me just the other day. I still love her. I still have a hole in my heart. But, even if she realized she was wrong and begged me to come back, I'd tell her no. Your SO should have your best interests at the forefront of his mind. If he doesn't, and he hurts you, he deserves to lose you, because he doesn't know how to treat one he loves the right way. Stay with him, you enable his behavior. Leave him, maybe he cleans up. Regardless, you're better off without him.
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