rob1971 Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 I was to fly to meet my finacee in a Central American country. She bought the tickets for both of us using my credit card and emailed me the detail. I have been setting up a scuba diving centre in the middle east (which is where I now live). The centre should have been open in 2007, but the red tape is crazy and our license was being used by a different company illegally. I hired staff, bought all the gear, but we could not open yet. It looked like all would be resolved a few days before I would leave to pick my finacee up, but the day before I was to leave, my partner called me and told me we would still have no license. After last minute frantic calls, I got an appointment with a deputy minister in the government the following morning to see what was going on. My partner, a meeker person, kept on getting the run around and it was time for a guy like me - I can be quite vocal when I want to, plus I am a foreigner here - to see if I could move things forward. I was going bankrupt, staff were waiting with no work and unable to do work, and the stress of it all was tough. I did not have a chance in the week to look closely at the flight detail, but thought it was in the evening. Anyway, two hours before my flight was to leave and half an hour before I was to meet the deputy minister, my finacee called wondering if I was ready for the flight. She told me it was in two hours. I thought it was in the evening and could try racing to the airport but I thought I would miss my flight anyway as it is 1.25 hours to the airport without anything going wrong or traffic jams. You need to know the city to know that anything can happen. I was packed, but made the decision to make the meeting instead of going to pick her up. To make a long story short, after a day of meetings and threats to expose what is a slow-downed process due to crooked inspectors, we got what we wanted and now the scuba centre license has been approved. This came at a cost though. My financee was furious I could not meet her mother and that I missed the flight. She said the dive centre and my staff were more important than she was and that I missed the flight intentionally. This was not the case and had I been prepared for the morning flight, I would have taken it. Things have been so stressful with many issues last week, but I know that is not an excuse. I lost my ticket, she cancelled hers, said we were through, and immediately called her old office to get her job back. She has unleashed a lot of venom on me, perhaps rightfully so, but wants to remain friends and keep in touch. What do I do? To be fair to her, I did cancel a flight to Mexico in 2007 to meet her and her Mom because of the dive centre - just could not make it - but I did make it up to her by buying her a ticket to see me so we could still be together. She said she can't come with the ticket I bought her because that is not how her culture works. I needed to pick her up. So, the wedding is off, it is the second time in a year I have been through a heart break (last year I finally left my first wife after 8 years of 13 of her cheating on me without being able to stop), and my two kids are sad that my finacee and I are through. I have invested so much into the dive centre that buying 2 sets of tickets again is tough to afford (have a 6000 dollar charge on my cc that will take time to pay off), and to be honest, the winds are out of my sails. She had broken up with me twice before for different reasons, but mainly not marrying her when we had first planned (again due to things being so hectic). I feel so hurt, like I screwed up so bad, but wish she would have still taken the flight back to be with me rather than just ending things. Any suggestions? And if it is comments that I really screwed up, I know, but wondering if it is worth trying to salvage. The distance makes things very diificult and I have no idea what to do, but she says she loves me and always will. A line of course, but what to do? Feeling quite miserable, know it is my fault, but don't know what to do. She wants nothing more to do with me
MaryJ Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 It seems like you are both going through a lot! you say that she loves you, now the question is Do you love her? you didn`t write that on your thread, maybe you have the need to hold on to somebody, because you`re feeling lonely in the middle east, but it might not be love... Try dating other people, that way it can help you realize if what you felt for her was true love or she was just a nice company for you. Good Luck!
critter909 Posted June 18, 2008 Posted June 18, 2008 Sounds very complicated because of the long distance. From what you wrote I don't think you should beat yourself up so bad. You need that job for both of your futures and as your fiance she should understand that. I'm not sure how much you have communicated with her about the details of your job and the stress etc. but it seems like she should give you some flexibility due to the sheer number of things going on in your life. It's very hard to walk away from somebody but it sounds like she is not very supportive and is making things difficult for you. Without knowing more about you it's hard to say what you should do. Maybe take some time and see how you really feel about her, she may change her mind also. And it kind of seems to me she may be testing you, she has broken up with you before you said, and you always went back. I don't know, that doesn't sound like a good relationship.
Willyone Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 I was looking for a story that would make me feel like i`m not the only one going through THIS. I lost my everything 3 years ago, for my inability to commit, we both made plans of marriage and everything and when it came the time to meet her parents, i totally backed out. I was scared, don`t know why, i really loved her and still do, but i cancelled and made up a silly story. I told her that if she really loved me she would understand me and give me a break to think things over. And she did give me a break! She told me she didn`t want nothing to do with me and she also said "i still love you and you are the love of my life, but i can`t be with you...you hurted me deeply and i can`t forgive you now" i asked her for understanding, but i was so selfish! i didn`t understand her and her needs. I realize that you don`t do that to the person you love, you don`t plan things for the future and then cancel them, they just don`t understand, maybe if someone died..but just because i was scared? it`s not enough reason. And that`s what i did and she left to another country. I went to the airport to say bye to her, she was supposed to come back in a year, but it`s been 3 and she`s still gone and i`m miserable! before leaving she said "i still love you" and i said the same back...she looked at me with a sad, disappointed face as if she was waitting for more, like "stay! let`s do this!" but i didn`t and i still don`t know why!! I know if i would have done things different, i would be happily married to her, because she was a great woman, sweet, loving, caring, passionate, smart, sexy and the list goes on... but i blew it and i didn`t try to fix it...i should have gone to where she was and ask her to come back to me, but i didn`t! I`m a very sad and lonely man now, i have been dating a few girls, but nothing compares to my Lucy and i can`t forget her. i know i lost "the one", now she`s married with some doctor and she`s expecting her first baby. If you still love her, don`t let her slide through your fingers. Do something, you might end up like me. Or maybe not! But look inside yourself, think about what you feel for her, how did you feel when you 2 were together, if you really love her then don`t leave things like that, fight. Don`t do what i did. She might be suffering just like you at this moment. I hope my story helped you in a way.
HannaBanana1 Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 Bloody Hell! She sounds like a very bad person! According to you, she was not understanding at all...she didn`t fight for you, or move to the middle east for you, she didn`t forgive you for not meeting her in CA. To me it seems like it`s all about you. This is just the outcome of your actions, sweetheart.
caracoliana Posted June 21, 2008 Posted June 21, 2008 Dude, I mean no disrespect, but come on, soooo lame. You come off a little selfish I'm afraid. I don't know you personally or your former fiANcee, but sounds to me like YOU messed up. This poor girl seemed to be the only one making the big sacrifices; well, I'm not sure that's the right word really. Sure you had to pay a pretty penny and all but she was willing to move away to other side of the hemisphere, leave behind her family, friends, career and everything for you. I can understand your commitment to your work and family...believe me I do (i used to have a dive resort and I'm a single mother of a 3 year old) but marriage should've been at the top of your list. The part in your story that bothered me the most was missing your flight due to the apointment you had with the deputy minister. For starters, how can you NOT know the exact date and time of your departure? HEllooooo, you were flying all the way to other side of the world to meet up with the woman you were going to marry. That's not exactly something you blunder. And then to go ahead and deliberately take a meeting so close to your departure is really something else. You mentioned you had a partner, well....let him be your partner or do the more sensible thing.... postpone the meeting until you were back! I would've personally done something a little sneaky like postpone it for just three or four days, that way i'd have an excse to leave earlier and get back home with my bride sooner than expected. So forgive me if i come off as a bit too harsh but seriously man, you got yourself into this mess. I can't blame her for getting so pissed. Any woman who says otherwise is lying. You gotta be REAL lucky if she takes you back. Damn, you must be kicking yourself for all this. Well, serves you right, maybe next time you won't take things for granted. The only positive or constructive critcism I can offer is you seem like a good man and I feel you really are in pain, so I'm sure you will be able to patch things up and atleast remain close to your ex. For now you two just need time to reflect and eventually move on. (to say you two need some space would be ironic?) I hope you find happiness and if you work things out, good for you. To do so I'm afraid its going to require more sacrifices on your part. Just ask yourself, is she worth it?
joejoechen Posted June 21, 2008 Posted June 21, 2008 As said by above, do not ever promise a woman without taking it seriously. You'll regret your whole life. No kidding dude.. Good luck to you, you messed it up, don't complain, go rob a bank get another ticket go meet her and say sorry! Joe
berny72 Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 It seems like you are in a lot of pain and i feel some regret in your words. Just try to remember the good times you had with her(if you had any). How you were when you were with her, and how are you now without her. How she made you feel, were you a better person or worse? you have to find out for yourself, do you still love her? if so, do what your heart, mind and feelings tell you, don`t listen to anyone else, don`t let others interfere in your decisions, in the end it`s your happiness that counts, it`s your life that will be screwed not theirs...so think big and think ahead. Does she still loves you and wants to marry you? Is she the one you would like to marry? if you do, don`t deceive her again!!
Author rob1971 Posted July 2, 2008 Author Posted July 2, 2008 Hi all. Thanks for the comments. Strange stuff this internet. Had no idea what to do, but good to hear peoples comments from all different sides. Agree with many of the points although not all understandings of the situation are totally correct. Anyway, it is good feedback. Will see hoow things progress, but it is tough to be able to do much of anything at this point. And maybe that's a good thing too. Thanks!
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