Nevermind Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 Yesterday I had to give a presentation/speech on linguistics. It was a group project, so I teamed up with another girl, who used to be on friendly terms with me. 2 months ago, the professor was so kind to lend us one of her own books, since it was rather old and very hard to come by. My team mate got to go first with it and then give it to me at around whitsuntide. She kept it until the last friday in may. I read it, and a week later she requested it back since she hadn't read a single page of it. Then she picked parts that she would focus on, leaving me with the rest. (I had taken notes and copied the quote-worthy parts when I had it.) We agreed to work on it thuesday last week. She stood me up. We reschuled saturday. She called thursday changing it to friday, then sunday. Sunday comes...I drive to her place (40 minutes one way), where she is busy with another girl preparing for another presentation and tells me to go home. She promised to work on it monday. Monday came, she was bored, didn't take any notes with her, it was a disaster and took 10 minutes before we broke it off. Later that day, she called the professor and told her what we had prepared (she had my notes) and the professor answered that he'd really like some points to be included. She e-mailed those points to me wednesday, not even an entire day before the presentation. I read it at 8 pm, when I got home from class. Need I say that I was furious? She approched me the next day shortly before the class...saying she hoped I had included everything. I then replied that I hadn't read it before 8, that I had not changed my presentation one iota (because the points could have been included in her part just as well...even more so). Then she flipped. She yelled at me that I had no idea how terrible her life was, that I could kiss her ass and that nothing of this was her fault and then she stormed off to the bathroom and shut the door with a bamm. My presentation was well done, her's wasn't. The grade is mediocre, but i just needed to pass, so I'm not going to ask for separate evaluation. However, I am really disappointed by this behaviour. Is this normal? Was I supposed to actually thank her for letting me down the entire time and then keeping information from me until the very last minute?
Kamille Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 Yes this is normal. When it comes to group projects in academia's, people's egos often get in the way of them actually being able to assess the amount of work they actually did, and the amount of work a good presentation involves. Their ego often gets in the way of them being able to admit that they don't understand the subject matter. I have been in your shoes a few times, and when I was in undergrad, I would often do most of the work and let it slide. In my mind this was so because I was probably the most academically inclined team-mate. Eventually, it paid off. By the time I was in the later years of my undergrad, I usually worked with people who were as serious about it all as I was (we had learned from previous experience to spot each other and to avoid 'weaker links'). What I would recommend? Don't dwell on this. It's done. You did nothing wrong. I don't think she's in a space where she will be able to apologize, but you definitely shouldn't the one to try and mend the friendship. Be true to yourself in this.
Author Nevermind Posted June 13, 2008 Author Posted June 13, 2008 Thank you. I won't. Should she apologize I will accept it of course, if not...her loss.
JohnnyBlaze Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 NM, Kamille's right. This is normal, and you're in the clear. The fact that she may have had something going on in her personal life isn't your problem. If it was that big of an issue for her, she should have got to the prof and dealt with it. The fact that she blew you off and then expected you to cover her six is BS. It's common, but BS nonetheless. It was a good move on your part not to change your side of the presentation. You already had it worked out the way you wanted it; making major last-minute changes would've reflected badly on your side - profs can usually tell when something was stuffed in at the last moment. It's doubtful that you'll ever get an apology from her (although one is certainly owed), but on the other hand, you've got nothing to hang your head about. You didn't let her down - she let both of you down.
missdeathwish Posted June 14, 2008 Posted June 14, 2008 In the future, clue your professor in earlier on. Like, once she stood you up twice, that is a good time to ask for separate evaluations. I'm speaking as a relatively recent grad and college instructor. Of course, before you go to your professor, you should talk to her. It's typical behavior, but total BS, IMO. It's not okay to leave one person with all the work, or get mad when they don't do your work in addition to their own. A lot of her anger is probably at herself, but it's easier to direct it at you. Hopefully she moves past whatever is causing her extracurricular grief. But this one isn't on you. You behaved rather well, I think.
D-Lish Posted June 14, 2008 Posted June 14, 2008 I think all things considered- you handled yourself really well. My entire undergrad focus dealt with group projects. I learned quickly that If I wanted a good grade- I had to pull more than my own weight. I was repeately stuck in group with a young single mom who never pulled her own weight. She never would have made it through the first two years of our program if it wasn't for me and another girl who inevitably took on 90% of the work in our projects. It was one excuse after another with this girl- and we pulled her through because we initially felt sorry for her and her situation. You did nothing wrong.
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