She left me and breaks NC (mega post)

[backto1]

Hi everyone,

 

I had a great girlfriend for 4.5 years. We got along great, were deeply in love, everyone envied our relationship, had everything in common all that great stuff.

 

Well eventually things got boring, routine, we stopped being intimate / romantic and she warned me that she would lose her feelings if I didn't start showing her affection again. I could see where she was coming from because I definitely wasn't giving her what she needed. Honestly, I should have broken up with her a long time ago.

 

Anyways, she finally broke up with me and I realized what I had but it was too late to fix it. I was stupid and had no dignity at first but left her alone after a few days and I've been doing all right since then (about 3 weeks now). It wasn't a complete surprise so although it hurt like a bitch at first, it could've been worse.

 

Here's the part that I really don't like...I've finally gotten used to being single and knowing she's not coming back. But now she randomly calls me for help with stupid things like "where's the cable modem plug into" or "how's the dogs doing?" (We take turns with the dogs every other week).

 

Now last Saturday she asks me if she can just keep the dogs for good. I said "sorry, I'd like to share them for a while longer." I paid for them and have done everything for them so I have a good case for just wanting to see them. I mean hell, I could keep them for good if I wanted to be an ass.

 

Anyways...she goes on to say that it sucks sharing the dogs because it makes us keep in contact and she doesn't want that. I told her "I'm sorry but that's life. We can be civil - we don't need to talk other than basic exchanges of information."

 

Three hours after saying it sucks being in contact with me, she texts me "so are you going to Vegas this week?" I told her no. Then she asks "why not?" I told her it just didn't work out. End of that.

 

After that she calls a couple times during the week about those stupid things I mentioned earlier. Help with the cable modem, checking up on the dogs. Still, I was polite but straight to the point. One day she even says "I saw so-and-so on Friday while we were riding motorcycles."

 

Now...I don't know anyone with a bike so these are obviously new people. Why does she feel the need to tell me that? I don't want to know what she's doing on the weekends. Don't throw salt on the wounds please! She's a great girl, great self respect, but her friends are mega sluts. I really don't want to know what she's getting into with them on the weekends...I just hope she's looking out for herself.

 

Tonight I get ANOTHER text. "you have a girlfriend already?" Why does she have to ask me that? That **** messes with me because I'm the sad one here, not her! I ask her why she asks me that and she tells me her mom told her. She then says she thinks her mom made it up. (Her mom loves me and sometimes does get into her business so that is very possible - but it only makes things worse for me.)

 

Finally she texts back "sorry, its not my business. I'm going out tonight because I can't be here with her."

 

That's too much information...I don't want to go back to analyzing every little thing she says. So I text her back "It's fine but when you text me that kind of stuff it sets me back so please don't worry about it. I mean if you ever an emergency or get stuck somewhere and don't feel safe then call me. But...Have fun and be safe tonight."

 

She sends back a simple "k."

 

Whew...almost done. So anyways - I miss her to death, I wish we could've made things work but I can't change her mind. But I hate this checking up on me sh**. She left me, she took everything out of our apartment and didn't look back.

 

I am not going to be her emotional safety net or Option B. It sets me back when she calls or texts for little things. Sure, if she wanted to talk about us actually trying to work on things or had an emergency I'd talk. (Actually, I don't even know if I'd even talk about us working on things because she broke up with me a couple months ago then changed her mind and came back.)

 

But I can't and won't deal with little texts about nothing. She's out having all kinds of fun going out acting like a little barfly and she thinks it's OK to check in on me, make sure I'm still sad and waiting around??

 

Totally messed up. I just hope she looks out for herself and doesn't wind up with some d-bag.

[Sks]

eh, I am not expert but why let yourself get strung along?

 

Why not just meet her, tell her what you want/how you feel? If she still says no then just move on.

[wareagle]

Been there done that! My ex used to do this to me when we would break up! Constantly texting me telling me what she was up to, checking up on me, keeping me hanging until she was ready to come back!! Finally the last time which was back in March I had enough and went total nc with her!

 

Guy this was the best thing I have ever done for myself. I am now three months out and my heart is healing!

 

If you are 100% sure that you do not want this girl in your life you need to do the same and go total nc with her! She decided she doesn't need you in her life like you need her so she is not worth your time! She wanted to be gone now she needs to stay gone! My honest opinion is that you cannot be friends with ex's as long as one person still has feelings!!

[backto1]

Well the thing is I don't need to ask her back again because I already tried that. I am just trying to move on now and don't want these random contacts. The only thing that sucks is we have to share the dogs. I have no idea how that's going to work out over the long term....

 

PS - thanks for the responses

[backto1]

Yea, we don't HAVE to share the dogs but I've raised them from puppies and they stay home with me all day (I'm a self-employed writer). I just wish we could trade the dogs off and on without all the other baggage.