iamjmcc Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 So I was in the post office, and the man who was being helped was clearly interested in me. We spoke a few niceties to each other. He was very nice yet shy. Heck, I am shy in situations like that too. There we were looking at each other and looking away and looking at each other and feeling awkward. Anyway, as I was leaving, he told me another nicety. I was at that point trying to think of what I could do to get this man to ask me out. I was considering turning around and telling him, "If you ask me out, I'll say yes." I considered writing my number and that same message on a piece of paper and giving it to him. I left without knowing what to do. This happens a lot where someone's clearly interested in me but that nothing comes of it. Before you ask, I'm 39 and attractive. Just as an aside, the men that do end up asking me out are super aggressive and not so nice, not the type of men that I am interested in. What can I do to get men that are interested in me to ask me out?
Suiyobi Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 I don't know, but if a girl that I'm interested in did tell me, "If you ask me out, I'll say yes" then I would do that, lol. Not too many girls take the initiative, at least from my experience. If you sense that the guy likes you then, seriously, you could try telling him that. Otherwise, you could go with the routine of saying that you wish you could spend some more time with the person and ask him to hang out with you for a cup of coffee or something of that nature.
Krytie TV Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 Not many people are willing to ask someone out randomly that they have only seen for 5 mins. It happens, but it's not the norm. It's not about you so much as just the nature of the situation. As for what you can do I really haven't got a clue. Why not ask them out? If you are OK with asking someone out that you don't know from Adam, then just do it.
SeraBella Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 Well, if it's a situation like that, you don't really know if he's single. Also, some people are just really flirty by nature, and not necessarily out to get a date. If you are really in someone after a brief encounter, then I suppose you should take the initiative and ask them out yourself. I think saying something like "if you ask me out, I'll say yes" is pretty much doing that, but I think simply saying "Would you like to get coffee sometime?" (or whatever) sounds a little more confident.
SeraBella Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 You could always post a "missed connections" or whatever it is called on craigslist. heh. I don't know what the success rate of those posts are, but they are fun to read once in awhile.
Author iamjmcc Posted June 13, 2008 Author Posted June 13, 2008 I have a friend whose wife is beautiful. He said that no one ever asked her out, ever. I am very attractive. I'm willing to bet that men think that I am already taken or will be rejected by me if they ask me out. So what I want to know is literally what I can do to encourage their asking me out. I'm talking body language, anything.
45Reverse Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 I have a friend whose wife is beautiful. He said that no one ever asked her out, ever. I am very attractive. I'm willing to bet that men think that I am already taken or will be rejected by me if they ask me out. So what I want to know is literally what I can do to encourage their asking me out. I'm talking body language, anything. Hmmm...there was another thread a few days back about a very similar situation. I did my best to suggest the girl take the unusual step of asking the guy out. Not many of the women in that thread agreed w/ me though. Mostly they (I think they were a bit old school) kept saying it was guy's responsibility to do the asking. I told the OP that she should ask the guy out and that most guys (in particular the ones who aren't playahs) love it when a chick takes the initiative. I'm an attractive dude (the ladies at work call me "that little hottie down the hall" ) but not the playah type. Only a few girls have ever approached me first in my whole life. Sometimes I've wondered why that is. Maybe you have a point about people thinking you're 'taken'....I dunno but it makes some sense. Speaking for myself, it's a rush and a turn on to have girls approach me. I don't mind pursuing women and manage to do pretty well with it but the 4 times in my life girls approached me first I ALWAYS said 'yes'...and had a great time with all of them. There's something really interesting about a woman who has the courage to bust conventions like that. You're a good looking lady and are "sensing" something with this guy so I'm guessing if you hit him up to get together for coffee or something he'll leap at the chance. Just a hunch.... And if he won't lemme know...You can buy me a coffee so long as you let me return the favor sometime.
45Reverse Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 Just realized you were asking for what you could do to get him to ask you out. I imagine you're not too keen on asking him out soooo.....Short of simply throwing off a serious "I like you" vibe, I really can't think of much. Maybe you could drop a little hint (since you ladies are famouse for that stuff anyway)...Perhaps you could mention something like "Hey, I hear <insert favorite movie,band,etc> is playing tomorrow. I'd really like to see them." and see if he takes the bait. I would'nt reccomend the whole short skirt and lotsa cleavage thing. You'll definitely get his attention that way but I don't sense that that's sort of message you want to send initially.
crosswordfiend Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 You need to find a way to prolong the conversation to give the guy a chance to ask you out. In general, it is extremely awkward to ask someone out after a 30 second conversation. To do so is borderline pushy and presumptuous. Once you start talking, if the guy is interested and has any game at all, he should be able to pick up on one of your conversation props and suggest an outing. In the situation at the post office that you described, you could have said "done work for the day? doing anything fun this afternoon?" These are some subtle hints that you want to engage in more than the standard pleasantries. In situations where you are seated and he approaches indirectly by standing close by and making an offhand remark, you can invite him to sit down and join you. One final note: you need to be receptive. Ask questions. Don't respond with one word answers. If you don't show signs that you are interested in the conversation, most people will take that as a cue to walk away. The only guys you'll meet will be the ones who keep on talking when everyone wants them to shut up.
t_veron Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 If you flirt with a guy (starring in his eyes, smile, play with your hair, laugh) then he'd ask you out. If that's not your style then simply write down your number without him asking and hand him the paper and simply say "call me" and turn around walk away. If he's interested he'll call and you've made it clear to him that if he wants a chance at you that he's got to take initiative and be more aggressive. If you asked for his number you send him a message you're the aggressive one who needs to be in charge. No need to ask him out since neither of you knows the other at that point.
SeraBella Posted June 14, 2008 Posted June 14, 2008 You need to find a way to prolong the conversation to give the guy a chance to ask you out. In general, it is extremely awkward to ask someone out after a 30 second conversation. To do so is borderline pushy and presumptuous. Once you start talking, if the guy is interested and has any game at all, he should be able to pick up on one of your conversation props and suggest an outing. In the situation at the post office that you described, you could have said "done work for the day? doing anything fun this afternoon?" These are some subtle hints that you want to engage in more than the standard pleasantries. In situations where you are seated and he approaches indirectly by standing close by and making an offhand remark, you can invite him to sit down and join you. One final note: you need to be receptive. Ask questions. Don't respond with one word answers. If you don't show signs that you are interested in the conversation, most people will take that as a cue to walk away. The only guys you'll meet will be the ones who keep on talking when everyone wants them to shut up. I think this is good advice. It seems like you're expecting a lot from short encounters, and in reality most people aren't that forward...it doesn't matter if you're average or very attractive...it's just not commonplace.
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