champ07 Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 Been reading all of your threads and its helpful. Here's my story. I got married when I was 21 (2002). Needless to say, it didnt go well. In 2006 I found out she had been cheating on me for a couple weeks. I tried to stick it out for the better part of the year, but it was just not working- she was not interested, so I left for a couple months. In this time she finally breaks down, tells me she is sorry for everything, and wants me back. Instead of going back I ended up finding another girl. Eventually I went back to the wife, but in time she found out about the other girl, and since then things have been basically a living hell. She also told me that she had cheated on me many many times throughout the course of the relationship (and she says its my fault because I had cheated on her once before we got married, when i was 18!, and she never got over it). Earlier this year, she finds another guy and was openly seeing him even though we were still living together. What fun times those were. We stopped living together in May. Soon after that, she told me she was sorry for everything, still loved me and wanted to work things out. I told her I would like to work things out, but I don't trust her at all. Since we stopped living together, we have seen eachother a handful of times, and usually it goes well. When I see her all I want is for everything to be ok. All I think about is a new start. We have hugged, kissed, and told eachother we still love eachother. But when I lie in bed at night all I think about is the bad times, I am still so angry and hurt. She still talks to at least 2 of the guys she cheated on me with, and it kills me. I'm sure she's been seeing them and God knows who else since we stopped living together. I love her but I hate her for hurting me so much. Another issue is that she is mad/hurt that I am living with my parents during this transition period, in the house where I cheated on her. The fact that I am in the physical structure where it took place offends her. Yesterday she told me she no longer wants anything to do with me, that by living in this house I've betrayed her. I'm very confused about my own feelings, so when she tells me this crap about her not wanting me anymore, I just don't care. I don't care. But I do care. I miss her. I love her. This sucks. Worst part is that we have a 5 year old whose life has been changed drastically. I feel like I've been on this relationship rollercoaster from hell for too long. I just want it to end. I don't think we'll ever be happy together. It's just so hard to be away from her for too long. And no contact is not really possible because of our daughter. I've thought about starting divorce proceedings so many times, but I can never actually do it. I guess the time has come. Thanks for reading.
MotoMan Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 Go check out marriagebuilders.com for info on how to handle A's, and get some IC. I had an A (which I regret), and in the course of figuring out the R, found out my X had an A on her 1st H. At some point, I realized that I'd never really trust her, and I'm reasonably sure she'd never truly trust me again, so I filed. After a 2yr ordeal, it was a long road. Also, check out Dr Phil's website for some great ideas on communication, among others.You can use it to communicate with your daughter's Mom, as well as in a future R. Realize that you're always going to have feelings for your STBX, both good and bad, it's part of the package deal. Get a good attorney, depending on where you live (community property state or not), you're going to need good legal advice so you don't lose everything in a D.
TrustInYourself Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 Sounds toxic. You can't really decide anything when you are so deep in the mix. Total no contact for 6 months. Then you can have some clarity. If you have to talk, just business. Never personal.
badbrit Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 Sounds toxic. You can't really decide anything when you are so deep in the mix. Total no contact for 6 months. Then you can have some clarity. If you have to talk, just business. Never personal. Solid advice and I agree totally. This needs time out of the situation for some dust and raw emotions to settle on both sides for the greater good of your child. You are just in a cycle of pain and need to end it either way. Either learn to be happy together or friendly apart so give it time apart, you cannot do total NC however with a child but keep any contact to the minimum, exchange the child while being polite but short and brief. Do not get involved in any arguments or discussions. Allow emotions to settle down
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