shadowplay Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 I know I've started similar threads in the past, but I really want to end it now. Before my heart just wasn't in it, even though I recognized intellectually that it was the right thing to do. My bf is away for a week, and it's like my feelings for him have evaporated. Maybe it will pass in a few hours, a few days, a few weeks. But at this moment I just don't care. I'm sick of the BS, whoever is to blame. The straw that broke the camel's back was probably his exit demeanor. We had a very minor tiff about half an hour before he left, but then made up (I thought). His goodbye for the week was an eye-contact-less "See ya, Shadow." Door close. No kiss on the cheek or hug. It was ridiculous. I haven't heard from him or been able to reach him. I got a strange call from his number at 5 am this morning. No voice on the other end, but all this background (presumably airport?) sound. Whatever, I just don't care anymore. I'm happy to report I have crushes on three different guys, two at my work, one an old crush who has returned to my neck of the woods. A few weeks ago I couldn't even look at another guy. I don't know what changed. I'm relieved that I am able to be attracted to other men. My favorite of the three is a 26-year-old producer where I work. He is hot, smart, nice and has an Ivy League degree . And I just discovered that he's single. Seriously, if you (female folk) could meet this dude you would all swoon. He is also quite friendly to me. Sorry if I sound callous. I'm just fed up and exhausted from this crappy relationship and ready to move on to something better. I've come to the conclusion that my bf is boring. He has his good traits, but he's not for me. I'm very lonely, but other aspects of my life have improved. I have 3 jobs that I like...I got into a school I wanted for the Fall...I'm in therapy...I have more direction and confidence in my abilities. I'm ready to grow.
whichwayisup Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 Don't date anyone for a while, enjoy the crush as a crush - To make YOU feel good, that's it. Don't let on that you're crushing.. The BF, well, he's an a-hole and all I can tell ya is, just do no contact with him. Stop making effort, don't call him back, don't answer when he calls. When he comes home just tell him it's over and that you want him to leave you alone, never to call or see you again. Focus on you, your work, therapy and try to make some women friends.
Author shadowplay Posted June 13, 2008 Author Posted June 13, 2008 Don't date anyone for a while, enjoy the crush as a crush - To make YOU feel good, that's it. Don't let on that you're crushing.. The BF, well, he's an a-hole and all I can tell ya is, just do no contact with him. Stop making effort, don't call him back, don't answer when he calls. When he comes home just tell him it's over and that you want him to leave you alone, never to call or see you again. Focus on you, your work, therapy and try to make some women friends. Thanks, WWIU. I think I will do just that. I seriously hope and pray that this "over him" feeling persists, and I don't lose my nerve. Right now I feel pretty confident. Please last.
Author shadowplay Posted June 13, 2008 Author Posted June 13, 2008 Are you sure you don't have crushes on four guys?? I almost forgot you. Change your icon to something sexy, though.
Author shadowplay Posted June 13, 2008 Author Posted June 13, 2008 Ok...I'm sorry, but this is starting to bug me because it's just so weird. He took a flight early this morning which means he would have arrived around 9 or 10 am. We last spoke Wed. night. I sent him two text messages and called him twice today (but didn't leave a voicemail) because I wanted to make sure he had gotten in okay and was wondering wtf was up. No answers to the texts or pick ups when I called. Nothing from him except that mysterious phone call at 5 am where he said nothing on the other line. Is he in trouble. WTF is going on??!! I need to know.
Nevermind Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 I would consider these possibilities a) he is reading your posts on Loveshack. b) he just went to sleep right away because he is exhausted c) he is still mad because of whatever d) he isn't happy in this relationship either. Actually, d is not a possibility but a certain truth. I bet my money that his feelings resemble yours a lot. Also, he might still cling to the relationship even though he is unhappy. Therefore, if he knows you're about to break-up (by reading your hints or Loveshack) he avoids you.
Gawdess Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 Are you sure you don't have crushes on four guys?? You certainly are in need of validation these days.
Prodigal Princess Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 e) he died in a plane crash. But really, I agree with Nevermind. He didn't contact you because he doesn't want to speak to you. He knows there will only be dramz at the other end of the line and is trying to avoid another conflict. I don't blame him.
Author shadowplay Posted June 13, 2008 Author Posted June 13, 2008 I just hope he's ok. Something doesn't seem right. It's not like him. I just tried him again...no answer.
Nevermind Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 Another option: He is playing mind-games. Stop calling now. He either has seen your calls and decided not to call back or hasn't seen them yet. Either way, if he wants to talk to you, he will. If you're extremely worried, drive by his place and check.
Kamille Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 Call his parents. They would likely have been notified if anything happened. Shadow, don't use 'worrying about him' as an excuse to keep in contact with him. You do owe him, and yourself, a final talk explaining that you have days when you feel, very strongly, that the dynamics of your R don't work for either of you. It sounds to me more and more like you two are playing dangerous games with each other's ego; as Ben Fold Five so nicely put it: You are stuck in a "Battle of who could care less", which also involves forcing the other to admit they care more.
Art_Critic Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 He has an account on LS and has posted before.. I think Nevermind above me had it right.. He reads LS and has read this thread... Duh !!
Author shadowplay Posted June 13, 2008 Author Posted June 13, 2008 [sIZE=1]Stupidity and regret. Oh man..I feel embarrassed by the post I wrote yesterday. Note to self: don't drink and post. For better or worse, my feelings for him haven't vanished. I do miss and love him. I still think I we should break up because our relationship is not healthy. I guess I don't know how to feel about him right now. I'm confused by my feelings, so I'm just avoiding thinking about him. I just got a call from him. He just had no reception where he was yesterday. I didn't realize the area he was in was so secluded. He said he was planning on calling me after work, but thought the place he was staying would have reception (it's in the woods). Why did I have to call him a million times and make a fool out of myself? I always do that. Part of me knew there was probably some reasonable explanation. But then there was that un-silenceable voice screaming, "He was in a horrible accident!" or "He's cutting all contact with you!" Why am I so damn impulsive. Okay, I think I called him just twice yesterday. And I sent him a text message that said: "Hope you got in ok. I miss you already, I love you, [my nickname for him]. --Shadow." For some reason, it's making me feel really bad that he didn't say anything affectionate in our phone conversation just now. He was all business. And he didn't end it with his usual "I love you." I did something stupid and sent him this text after we talked: "You didn't say I love you. Did you get my text message yesterday? Please respond to this when you get a chance. Hope you have a great week. I love you. --Shadow." Why am I being so goddamn needy? I can't seem to stop myself. I just feel so bad and unloved. Help, guys. I don't need to be chastised. Just help me snap out of it. [/sIZE]
Art_Critic Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 No reception ??.. I guess that could be possible.. there are a few places not covered today... Google verizon coverage map That is just verizon and just the US but there are a few places without cell signal... Maybe you could use some sort of counting technique when you feel this way.. Force yourself to wait it out and then see if your feelings were a bit out of wack.
Nevermind Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 Oh, shadow. Read this entire thread and look at it for what it is: emotional greed. Sorry to be blunt, but this is not love. Your feelings for him are flaky, you are perfectly happy to leave him and imagine being with another guy and the second he withdraws you're all over him again. You need to stop it. It has nothing to do with being needy. It's a powerplay (from both of you) at it's best. And you're constantly losing it.
dreamergrl Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 I'm also going to be blunt here... The only person that can snap you out of this is you. You know the right things to do. You know what you need to do. But you keep choosing not to. You need to take control over the situation if you want it to change.
Gawdess Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 He doesn't love you. The way he left with basically "See 'ya, Shadow" and just left....that is indicative of a man not in love.
sfsassy Posted June 14, 2008 Posted June 14, 2008 I know I've started similar threads in the past, but I really want to end it now. Before my heart just wasn't in it, even though I recognized intellectually that it was the right thing to do. My bf is away for a week, and it's like my feelings for him have evaporated. Maybe it will pass in a few hours, a few days, a few weeks. But at this moment I just don't care. I'm sick of the BS, whoever is to blame. The straw that broke the camel's back was probably his exit demeanor. We had a very minor tiff about half an hour before he left, but then made up (I thought). His goodbye for the week was an eye-contact-less "See ya, Shadow." Door close. No kiss on the cheek or hug. It was ridiculous. I haven't heard from him or been able to reach him. I got a strange call from his number at 5 am this morning. No voice on the other end, but all this background (presumably airport?) sound. Whatever, I just don't care anymore. I'm happy to report I have crushes on three different guys, two at my work, one an old crush who has returned to my neck of the woods. A few weeks ago I couldn't even look at another guy. I don't know what changed. I'm relieved that I am able to be attracted to other men. My favorite of the three is a 26-year-old producer where I work. He is hot, smart, nice and has an Ivy League degree . And I just discovered that he's single. Seriously, if you (female folk) could meet this dude you would all swoon. He is also quite friendly to me. Sorry if I sound callous. I'm just fed up and exhausted from this crappy relationship and ready to move on to something better. I've come to the conclusion that my bf is boring. He has his good traits, but he's not for me. I'm very lonely, but other aspects of my life have improved. I have 3 jobs that I like...I got into a school I wanted for the Fall...I'm in therapy...I have more direction and confidence in my abilities. I'm ready to grow. When I've been truly in love and happy in my relationship. (In a time long, long, ago, lol) I have barely noticed other guys, much less fantasized abut anything with them.
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