NannyKel77 Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 I have gotten two different points of views on my issue. One view is, I should dare not go. The other is, go and check it out, see what happens. An exboyfriend and I recently have been flirting and talking about seeing each other again-via a vacation. It'll be 4 years this fall since we broke up. The reason why we broke up is because I had to move to another state-my home state. He's in CA and I'm in WI. It was a sudden move, and I didn't even get to see him in person to say goodbye. I was fired from my job, and my boss sent me on a plane to WI on the same day! It was the hardest and the worst time in my entire life. It has effected me to this day. We decided to break up because the distance was too far and neither of us had the money to come visit the other. Then we tried just being friends, through online and the phone, but he started resenting everything that happened and he got mean and depressed and I couldn't stand it anymore, and it was hurting too much, so I had to cut off communication. He would find me online every now and then, and I couldn't help but ask and see how he was doing. I know he's had some relationships and so have I. I am currently in one right now-which is why I am writing this... Last winter my exboyfriend found out I was in touch with one of his friends that I knew from CA, and he got jealous and seemed sad that I didn't want to talk to him-at least that's what he thought. And so, since December of '07 we've been in touch via the internet and cell phones. I even talked to him on the phone a few weeks ago for the first time in like 3 1/2 years. We've been remininscing a lot and he doesn't like it when I mention my current boyfriend. He changes subject when I talk about my sexlife with anyone else. He competes with his friend in CA for my attention, etc. He hasn't told me that he still loves me, but he has told me he thinks about me. He has asked me if I think about him, but won't ask if I still love him...which is what he used to ask after we first broke up-but not since. I have told him "I'll always care for you, and I won't ever forget you." But truth is, I know a part of me still loves him-he was my first love, my first everything pretty much. Anyways so I'm planning a trip to Arizona this fall, and then flying up to San Francisco to see him. A part of me does not want to mention any of this to my current boyfriend-who I love dearly and have been with for a year now. Some people have told me, to not tell him and that I should go, so that I know for sure what is meant to be. Others have told me I need to be honest with my man, and that I should NOT go, especially if I know I'll end up sleeping with my ex...which is true. I know it'll happen, because the chemistry between us before was exploding. I really want to see him again. Even if we don't get back together it will be good to see him again and spend time with him. Oh and when we were talking about when to get together he suggested we get together during his birthday-which just so happens to be the same day that I left CA, 4 years ago...on his birthday-I felt so horrible, I know it hurt him-he won't admit it, but I know it did. So with him saying that, a part of me really wants to see him now.
zicke Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 So, essentially you are asking permission to cheat on your current boyfriend?
missdeathwish Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 If you're not interested in your current boyfriend, break up with him. Go if you want to, but you definitely owe it to your current boyfriend to level with him about it beforehand. If you're considering getting back together with your ex (or hoping to) you should break up with your current boyfriend. If you love your current boyfriend and don't want to be with your ex, don't go see him. You can call to wish him a happy birthday. You're allowed to have your feelings. You're allowed to pursue your ex. You're allowed to want to be with him. But you need to respect your current boyfriend. honest with Here is your answer in short: if you are willing to give up your current boyfriend for a chance with your ex, do so. If you are not willing to give up your current boyfriend, don't take a chance with your ex. It's totally unfair to treat your current boyfriend as a backup option. Let him go before you cast your line again.
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