siris Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 Forum please give me some insight. I was in a long term realtionship when my ex of many years dumped me like a bad habit with no apparent real reason that made sense. I just took it as if she found someone else and gave her what she wanted ~space and the absents of me being present. I never called her to beg plead or any of that. Not saying that I did'nt want too but she is a person who is filled with much pride and I felt it would just zap the little self esteem that was left in me to try. During this time which has been a year now I just worked on myself and learning to forgive not forget the way she dumped me. It has been one of the most painfull episodes of my life. I gave up on the idea of revenge or doing something krazy as a reaction of the pain I was going thur. I just dealt with it in my on way. Yes it still stings to this day but somehow im coping with living in the "NOW" you know the present moment. My question is I recently seen her working a second job in a gym I attend upon seeing her; I trying to be the bigger person approach her to say hi and extend my hand in some form of a handshake or something. The response I recieved was I dont want you to f***ing touch me. It looked as if her eyes watered up but maybe this is an illusion on my part. After hearing this I remained calm and said hey Im just going to buy a bottle of water and im out of hear. This was after my workout. As I was buying the water I said how long have you worked her she said a few months I said well its good to see you have a goodday. She then displayed a crooked smirk as if I was being funny or something. End of story. "Forum" I just want to know why would a person who dumped me to found true happiness still be holding on to anger as if I dumped her. It just puzzles me.
zicke Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 Bipolar or narcissism. Only thing I can thing of. Or just extremly selfish, which leads back into narcissistic behavior. Don't talk to her anymore. What's the point--ego stroke for her. You are more than an ego stroke.
stlnsmile Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 Can an extremely selfish person, or narcissistic person ever really feel pain over loss? Do they ever "learn their lesson" like the rest of us?
justaman99 Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 I'd be careful assuming someone is a narcissist or bipolar from just one exchange or interaction. She's upset about something and we don't know the whole story of the relationship, just one side. You can read about narcissism online. One of the key traits is that they have no empathy for others and are extremely selfish. Some people can be this way with a reason not necessarily having a "condition". So without knowing why she said "Don't ****ing touch me" would be interesting to know. How was the relationship otherwise? How long were you two together? How did she treat you? What was it like the last couple months of being together?
Trialbyfire Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 It's pure fallacy to believe that dumpers feel nothing but happiness, joy and relief, when a relationship ends. It's also debateable who's the bigger person, in that it's possible the dumper was the one who had more guts to end a non-viable relationship. The latter half probably isn't applicable in your situation OP. I suspect she was still hurting from your lack of contact. You'll find that sometimes dumpers use severing a relationship, as a last ditch effort to force someone to listen to them. I hate to admit it but women are more prone to this kind of action.
orangehose Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 Wow, I'm practically the female version of this story. Ex dumped me in a rather cruel, impulsive fashion, gave reasons but nothing involving me doing something that wronged or hurt him. I've been completely NC ever since, mainly because I didn't want to get dumped on twice. Whenever I see him, he avoids saying hi to me like i'm some kind of leper, even if I try to be normal and civil. Now, it's usually assumed in these situations that the dumpee did something huge to anger the dumper (cheating or something on that spectrum). But there are other possibilities, I think - perhaps it's the dumper's 'style' to completely cut all ties, even including basic civility... I know my ex had that style with friendships / relationships gone awry... perhaps the dumper is immature or cowardly... perhaps the dumper feels awkwardness... I have to say, though, it still does sting to be the dumpee and not even receive something resembling basic civility from someone who knew you intimately for some period of time. And it IS puzzling, because they're acting like THEY were rejected, while we're being the bigger people. Well, since she reacted so badly, you have no obligation to be civil to her in the future. You've made your fair attempt.
Author siris Posted June 13, 2008 Author Posted June 13, 2008 Thanks a million 4 all the input. Does anyone think I should try to communicate again?
t_veron Posted June 14, 2008 Posted June 14, 2008 Thanks a million 4 all the input. Does anyone think I should try to communicate again? Everyone is right if you gave us the whole story. Hopefully you didn't do anything to hurt or scar her physically or emotionally. Either way stay away because that attitude means she hasn't gotten over something and after a year of it I doubt she'll let it go anytime soon. She's got issues that will drag you down so stay away..
borelandkaren Posted June 14, 2008 Posted June 14, 2008 It's pure fallacy to believe that dumpers feel nothing but happiness, joy and relief, when a relationship ends. It's also debateable who's the bigger person, in that it's possible the dumper was the one who had more guts to end a non-viable relationship. The latter half probably isn't applicable in your situation OP. I suspect she was still hurting from your lack of contact. You'll find that sometimes dumpers use severing a relationship, as a last ditch effort to force someone to listen to them. I hate to admit it but women are more prone to this kind of action. I think you're dead right. I hurt that my ex has never tried to contact me and I ended the relationship with him. I didn't use this as an effort to force him to listen but at some stage it would have been nice. But he does have anti-social disorder and this is a power play for him so I have to always remind myself of this fact. And who really cares about being the bigger person. To me this just sounds competitive and this is not what the whole thing is supposed to be about. Love is not about competing. And regardless of the fact that I was the "dumper" (horrible word) I have eaten myself away with despair, hurt, remorse, etc, for the past 3 months. I'm starting to come through it now but it's hard to be "dumper or dumpee.":confused:
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