Jilly Bean Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 He's absolutely not withdrawing into "his cave" for crying out loud. Guys don't suddenly become disinterested in a girl as the result of being physically ill. What part of "I don't want to hold you back" do you not understand? The guy is quite obviously letting you know that you are a non-priority for him. Not a low priority, a non-priority. When a man explicitly encourages you to take someone else on a date that the two of you had originally planned together, it's time to move on. Anything else, and you are literally begging to be used. And that, I am for your sake sorry to say, is the true lowdown on the typical male pov. This is all 100% true. Unfortunately, we have been telling Phoenix this for months about this guy, and it just didn't seem to resonate.
zicke Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 Yes, but you are not him. So, however you would have done it, doesn't matter.
Author Phoenix11 Posted June 13, 2008 Author Posted June 13, 2008 He has me paralyzed and I'm seeing a shrink tomorrow...truely. If he does not want to see me, he didn't have to preface it with the ill health baloney. He needed leave me a note after the last time we saw each other which read "...I miss you already". If he was seeing someone else...It is pretty foolish of him to leave my "love girly notes" on his fridge. If he didn't care, he wouldn't point out that my over analyzing pushes away the people who love you the most...meaning me! Despite all of this, I still feel something is off base here. With that said, I'm seeking professional guidance to help me work thur this, as I am spending to much time and energy trying to get this relationship on "auto pilot". Maybe I should focus more on the things I dislike about him to help me get over him....like him taking a crap in the bathroom with the door open. Sexy no?
Art_Critic Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 If he was seeing someone else...It is pretty foolish of him to leave my "love girly notes" on his fridge. Ahhh.. it is that guy.. now I remember your other thread... I would think you need to distance yourself from him and not contact him.. see if he will chase you.. This guy has you all wrapped up and going in circles and he certainly isn't worth it.. Either distance yourself or dump him.. you are not happy and not getting what you need out of this guy...
whichwayisup Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 I think you've gotten yourself worried for nothing. He tells you he makes you feel like he's 17 again and you two obviously have good sex. He tells you he misses you already...etc. Obviously I am missing something from your other threads, so I am going to go read those and reply back in afew mins.
whichwayisup Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 Okay, he's abit weird... Sounds like you're gonna have to spell it out for him and directly say to him, either face to face or through email "After 6 months I don't know where I stand with you and if this thing between us is even serious. I have feelings for you, but to be honest, I have NO clue what you feel for me, outside of the bedroom. We don't talk, you don't share much and you're quite distant emotionally in one sense. You brush me off easily and with your most recent note to me, it's made me feel confused and question what's really going on. Aside from your upcoming procedure, I feel a certain vibe from you that doesn't feel right. IF you are seeing someone else or want to end this, you owe me the respect of telling me, not making me guess wtf is going on." Or something like that..
Author Phoenix11 Posted June 13, 2008 Author Posted June 13, 2008 Ahhh.. it is that guy.. now I remember your other thread... I would think you need to distance yourself from him and not contact him.. see if he will chase you.. This guy has you all wrapped up and going in circles and he certainly isn't worth it.. Either distance yourself or dump him.. you are not happy and not getting what you need out of this guy... I want him and all that he is, what I need I want from him...we are so different, but in a complimentary way. I know he tries to play games with my head...Like whisper "I love you" in my ear, and when I ask him to repeat it because I didn't hear him...he says he didn't say anything. Games people play.
zicke Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 I think you've gotten yourself worried for nothing. He tells you he makes you feel like he's 17 again and you two obviously have good sex. He tells you he misses you already...etc. Obviously I am missing something from your other threads, so I am going to go read those and reply back in afew mins. The thing about a lot men and a lot of women is that they are gonna say anything to keep you around if that is what benefits them. My ex told me I was his soul mate, he couldn't function without me, blah blah blah...no, I am not bitter! LOL. People say things that they don't mean all the time. Most people do not function this way. Wait, we all say things we don't mean to spare feelings. Normal people will eventually tell you that it ain't there. Or will let you know by their actions that they aren't there for you, and to please not rely on them.
Author Phoenix11 Posted June 13, 2008 Author Posted June 13, 2008 Okay, he's abit weird... Sounds like you're gonna have to spell it out for him and directly say to him, either face to face or through email "After 6 months I don't know where I stand with you and if this thing between us is even serious. I have feelings for you, but to be honest, I have NO clue what you feel for me, outside of the bedroom. We don't talk, you don't share much and you're quite distant emotionally in one sense. You brush me off easily and with your most recent note to me, it's made me feel confused and question what's really going on. Aside from your upcoming procedure, I feel a certain vibe from you that doesn't feel right. IF you are seeing someone else or want to end this, you owe me the respect of telling me, not making me guess wtf is going on." Or something like that.. Ha...yes he is bit weird, or is just the way I portray him in my posts? I would luv to send him an email as you have outlined, but that will only reap me a non response...this I know for sure.
Lizzie60 Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 He's not just that interested in you.. he might be seeing other women... that's my bet... but he definitely don't care too much about you, otherwise he wouldn't have said that. My advice: leave him alone, be independant, just like him.. do not contact him.. maybe if you do that, then he'll come back.. funny sometimes how people are attracted to independant people..
zicke Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 I want him and all that he is, what I need I want from him...we are so different, but in a complimentary way. I know he tries to play games with my head...Like whisper "I love you" in my ear, and when I ask him to repeat it because I didn't hear him...he says he didn't say anything. Games people play. It's not a game, it's psycho---he actually did that??? That is crazy-making behavior...from a mean person. He does that now, what will he do in a year? You wanna find out?
Trialbyfire Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 Methinks this man is a gamer. I don't even know if I believe that he's so sick, he can't return messages. If you enjoy games, stay with him. Beyond that, I would advise a pass.
imbewildered Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 Ha...yes he is bit weird, or is just the way I portray him in my posts? I would luv to send him an email as you have outlined, but that will only reap me a non response...this I know for sure. When was the last time that you spent "time" with him if you know what I mean. DO you see the possibility of a future with him. Is he a man of good morals and character ? Some of the replies here are HARSH !They are full of mistrust, hostility and anger towards a guy who just said that he is not well enough to go to a concert.. Gee, girls-, I think that the poster is MORE upset and confused that when she wrote her first post. Take a sweet pill ladies.
Author Phoenix11 Posted June 13, 2008 Author Posted June 13, 2008 When was the last time that you spent "time" with him if you know what I mean. DO you see the possibility of a future with him. Is he a man of good morals and character ? Some of the replies here are HARSH !They are full of mistrust, hostility and anger towards a guy who just said that he is not well enough to go to a concert.. Gee, girls-, I think that the poster is MORE upset and confused that when she wrote her first post. Take a sweet pill ladies. Uh oh...too late. I just let one rip. email to "twisted little booger": Subject: Why am I spending my nights alone? and you too? At least that's what I thought. " If you can find another friend to go see S. Dan...please do. I don't want to hold you back." WTF is that? I would never put that out there to someone I loved. Only to someone I want to let go. If I was not into you or if I was seeing someone else, I would tell you so. Funny thing...it's men that are suppose to have "balls".
whichwayisup Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 I didn't think anything unusual about her opening post, infact, my reply shows that. BUT, once I read her other threads about this guy, I realized something is not right. Maybe he is narcissistic or maybe he IS a player, I don't know. All we can go on is what she's telling us, here and previous posts about him and their relationship. Go read her other threads and then come back and tell her what you think. Makes a difference once you know more details.
Trialbyfire Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 Whoah phoenix, why react like that? All you needed to do was to say "Okay, time to get moving, if I want to get those tickets. Cya." and stop contacting him.
Art_Critic Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 2 emails in 40 mins.. impulsive.. Try not to send him anymore emails.. let him have the time to respond..
Author Phoenix11 Posted June 13, 2008 Author Posted June 13, 2008 Whoah phoenix, why react like that? All you needed to do was to say "Okay, time to get moving, if I want to get those tickets. Cya." and stop contacting him. I know I know. Got a little worked up reading all the posts about him probably seeing other women. Began to make sense. It's late and wine and a laptop are a dangerous combo.
whichwayisup Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 Yup AC is right. If you feel like writing him, write it, but do NOT send it. Post it here or just delete it.
Author Phoenix11 Posted June 13, 2008 Author Posted June 13, 2008 2 emails in 40 mins.. impulsive.. Try not to send him anymore emails.. let him have the time to respond.. 1st e-mail was at 5:30 today...second one was just now. Give him time to respond? Are you kidding me? It took him 9 days to respond to my two phone messages and one email.
whichwayisup Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 Well, his actions definately say you aren't an important part of his life, let alone part of his DAILY life.
Author Phoenix11 Posted June 13, 2008 Author Posted June 13, 2008 Yup AC is right. If you feel like writing him, write it, but do NOT send it. Post it here or just delete it. OK...will do:) Reading that he could be a player and seeing other women just got the best of me. I will concede that he is a little weird, and maybe just not that into me...but the above..well....it was the wine whispering in my ear this time...sorry.
zicke Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 1st e-mail was at 5:30 today...second one was just now. Give him time to respond? Are you kidding me? It took him 9 days to respond to my two phone messages and one email.[/quot 9 days you just spent worrying about him. He didn't even have the decency to respond to you in 9 days. My ex didn't return my call for 7 days, we were dating four years. Four years together and he cannot be bothered to even break up. Dignity. It's the only thing you will remember that got you through it. For your own sake, no more emails. no more phone calls until he picks up the phone.
shadowplay Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 But anything more and he is doing the "fade". I don't know why I found that so funny...
2sunny Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 well - too late now...yikes. but i still hold firm on my theory discussed this past weekend where i stated that he's either married or seriously involved with someone else. his unavailability by phone and in person show he's disrespecting you as well as the fact that you are VERY low on his priority list. the concert is probably calendared for something that conflicts with his home life. my gut says he's not sick at all. he also seems to keep a lot of his private and personal information from you. that's not normal after you've been dating someone for six months - unless you're hiding another life. i think his place that you have visited and stayed is his place he's at when he's not doing business at home. i do believe he has a whole separate HOME life that he has not shared with you.
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