v33 Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 Maybe this is something that should go under "Post here instead of contacting your ex", but it's just really been on my mind and I want to share, get a little feedback or just some support. If her and I were still together I would be sitting at home alone tonight while she was at the bar. I would wait and wait till I couldn't take it anymore and I would call her. She would shut her phone off. An hour later I would go looking for her and when I found her there she would be drunk and rude towards me, and her friends would give me dirty looks. Now she has quit drinking. And she is in her new apartment likely making dinner for her new man while they chat about the day and get ready to cuddle up and watch a movie. I was so good to her. I tried so hard to make her see that life is worth living and that she should try for her own sake and ours to get sober. We were so happy once upon a time even when she was drinking. She hates me now, treats me like dirt if we see each other. Acts like a stranger. She tells me her new man has "helped her so much" and "showed her life is worth living". I once asked her why it didn't matter when I tried to show her these things and she tells me that it's because he has 25 years on me and is a really great person. I am a really insightful, optimistic and compassionate guy. I tried so hard, I was so gentle with her. And I loved her dearly. Why wasn't I good enough? Why didn't she make the effort with me?
sultry33 Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 probably because she was drunk.. do you know for sure she has quit drink now? sometimes in order to get sober you need to break the pattern.. habbits, drinking partners. i cannot believe she is with him cause he is older.. blimey thats a strange one.. maybe she needed a father figure. you are good enough, too good as you took this from her all the time. you need to accept that she has made her choice and you couldnt fix her as at that time she was not ready. you need to break the pattern now and find a relationship without the drama take time for you and try stop torturing yourself.. you did nothing wrong.
Author v33 Posted June 12, 2008 Author Posted June 12, 2008 Thanks. I have heard that sometimes drinkers have to leave as the pattern with their partner is too familiar and it keeps them in a similar routine. It just seems like such as shame.... if she had stopped while we were together we could have been so happy. But what's done is done. Such a waste though, I used to love her so much... And I can't get over the age thing either.... wow. But she always loved to chat with older men when she was out drinking. Guess she finally found one she wanted to be with more than me. Just FYI, I am 35, she is 38, he is near 60.... crazy.
sultry33 Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 yea yuk.. im 36 and only date younger guys.. im so not on a wavelength with an older guy.. tried yrs ago with guy who was 6 yrs older his outlook was so different. although my ex did kind of act older.. he was one year younger.. recently im being asked out by 24year olds way hey.. my mum would hit the roof.. like i care! she said i should find someone older.. i just dont fancy older guys.. maybe im still too young to commit? i had a friend who was an alcoholic and she lost everything.. her kid, house, belongings.. self respect.. believe me your lucky to be out of it.. she did get it all back but it was many years later.. i walked away as a friend and even now if i meet someone who seems to be the same i steer well clear..
sunshinegirl Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 She tells me her new man has "helped her so much" and "showed her life is worth living". I once asked her why it didn't matter when I tried to show her these things and she tells me that it's because he has 25 years on me and is a really great person. If it helps any, this sounds co-dependent. What, she couldn't figure out on her own that life is worth living? She needed a daddy figure to show her the way? Did she have an absent or abusive father when she was a child? If so, there is probably much much deeper psychology in play here...
Author v33 Posted June 13, 2008 Author Posted June 13, 2008 Oh yes, Dad left when she was 3. Abuse from older men as she grew up. She's a mess.... but there were times when we led a relatively normal life together... I just wish she would have made the effort with me. I still really care for her.
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