SingleDad Posted June 20, 2008 Posted June 20, 2008 Can you explain to me how to be happy about a separation when there are kids ? The separation will be 12 months at least and I have committed myself to avoid dating during the time that I am still married... I am in anguish all day long everyday - longing to be with my daughter and praying my STBXW comes to her senses that that being a single parent is not easy or right. I do not know how to be strong and be happy and be independent - I can't even fake it !!! But that is what everyone says to do... (life must go on, accept that it's over and live your own life). The mind is such a powerful thing - How do you control your thoughts ?
Gunny376 Posted June 20, 2008 Posted June 20, 2008 SD Your fighting the acceptance of the situation ~ quit doing that. It takes two to make it, but only one to break it. It is what it is. What was ~ was, what is ~ is, and what will be ~ will be. This isn't the first time you found yourself standing frozen like a deer caught in the headlights, wondering "What am I going to do?" and it damn sure as Hell want be the last. Accept the fact that it was over yesterday, its over today, and its probally going to be over tomorrow, even twelve months from now. You can hope for the best, but you've got to prepare yourself for the worse, and that is that your going to have to live the rest of your life withouth the STBXW and as a single dad. So you may as well get on with the business of living your life, making yourself happy, learning and growing from the pain. Its the end of your marriage ~ not your life!
n9688m Posted June 21, 2008 Posted June 21, 2008 I have committed myself to avoid dating during the time that I am still married... Why? Why not date and see how other women compare with your wife?
TrustInYourself Posted June 21, 2008 Posted June 21, 2008 Single Dad, Yeah, it's hard with kids. I can't tell you how to deal with it. You have to figure that out yourself. There is hope without your wife. There is hope and love for your children no matter what. Love can not be denied! So be strong. Be the man you always were. You are your best friend. Treat yourself. Socialize and make friends and do all the things you never had a chance to do. You can be happy! YOU CAN SURVIVE THIS!
Gunny376 Posted June 21, 2008 Posted June 21, 2008 Single Dad Actually dating my actually be one of your best gambits to play right now. Why? Because people want what other people want, especially women when it comes to men. If your wife see's you as out-going, friendly, up-beat, positive, laughing, smiling, "have a care in the world" that other women find attractive, then it might work to your advantage. I've been giving serious condiseration to "HusbandInTheMaking" thread, and have given it a lot of thought. About the closest I could come in this virtual reality of explaining myself in real life, would be Clint Eastwoods characther in "Heartbreak Ridge" as Gunny Highway to some extent. And that's how I was in my marriage, and that's how I've been out here in civilian la~la land. I use to tell myself that a Marine was what I was and not who I am, but over the course of twenty years guess what I became? Yep a Gunny! And civilian pukes don't handle nor relate to it well, especially when I come up against an @sshole. Because, the @sshole X10 + being a retired Marine Gunny comes out in me. And whenever I come up against an @sshole I just ante' up! As a matter of fact I just got called in on the carpet last week for being "rude, inconsiderate, and dis-respectful!" because I ante' up to an @sshole at work. (I hung the phone up in his ear to his lying BS @ss! ) I know your hurting guy, but you've got to improvise, adapt, and over-come! You've got to pull yourself out of this slump and the dumps and if you've got to reach up and pull yourself up out of it with your bootstrings then damn it ~ get busy doing it! You might want to look for a book titled, "Self Talk" about controlling the self dialog that runs through your head, and controlling your thought patterns. Hang it there Bro, it does get better! Guns
Author becketwasright Posted June 25, 2008 Author Posted June 25, 2008 Well sorry it has been so long since the last post...so here is the update. I finally came back home and saw my kids for the first time in 10 days. I was so happy that I almost cried. I wanted to hold my wife because I missed her too, but fought that urge because I could see that distant look in her eyes. But I enjoyed the moment with my kids. So now the my girls are asleep but I know that my wife is not. I had to force her to talk about household business items for about 15 minutes and that I told her that I was retreating from fighting to save our marriage by myself so that I could work on some of my personal issues. She feigned being tired and said that she was going to bed. No sooner did she get upstairs then she got on the phone with the ex boyfriend. She did admit to going to her dad's house to see the ex as my children told me that they had seen him. I think that what hurts the most is the lies. I ask myself how many times I can forgive her and as I am not perfect, I am not sure what that count should be. Anyway, I am giving her the space she needs, but at what point do I end this. I feel that if I initiated a divorce then it would look bad to a judge considering that she has stayed home with the kids while I have gone to school and pursued a career. But at what point do I need to get to until this waiting consumes be and I reach a tipping point? For the first time since this whole drama started, I really feel as though I am ready for a divorce because staying in this situation is just too painful to deal with. But, I do not want to be in a situation where I don't get to see my children everyday. Any suggestions????
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