shipwrecked Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 It's been 2 1/2 months since my ex girlfriend and I have broken up. I have not had any contact with her in 5 weeks. However last week I sent her an apology letter and flowers, since I was the one to break it off; but she emailed me quickly after saying that she does not see a future with us anymore, and that nothing will change her mind. I'm wondering since I was the one to initially break, could she just have too much pride and insecurity and that's why she is rejecting me? Have her wall up since she may be somewhat bitter? Anyhow I'm thinking of calling her. Just to see how she's doing. Think that would be OK? I'll play it calm, cool and collective. Won't talk about the relationship and just try to win her trust back. Maybe start with limited contact and try to soften her up. What do you guys think. Will this strategy work?
serendip Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 Anyhow I'm thinking of calling her. Just to see how she's doing. Think that would be OK? I'll play it calm, cool and collective. Won't talk about the relationship and just try to win her trust back. Maybe start with limited contact and try to soften her up. What do you guys think. Will this strategy work? Dude...you are basically asking the same thing again...there is no strategy to get her back. It is not OK to contact her....you broke up with her 3 times. This was her reply to you sending the flowers(from your first post). SHe answered all your questions for you...the answers are in bold. I want to thank you for your letter and the flowers. It was a beautiful gesture, and I appreciate it. But I don't see a future with us anymore, and I hate to cause you any more pain over this decision. Nothing will change my mind, so I would appreciate that there be no more grand gestures, since it's actually quite painful for me. I am very happy that you have seeked help, and I hope everything works out for you. I am satisfied with my decision, and I hope you can both respect and appreciate that, since every person deserves control over their future and decisions. I hope you realize it's best to move on.
Trialbyfire Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 You can only jack someone around so many times before they give up. Time to give her the respect you should have during the relationship and respect her need to move on. No more contact.
0hpenelope Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 No contact. Enforce it. Lather, rinse, repeat. We have "quotations" for these: "Love's lovelier the second time around." "Third time's the charm." ... I've never heard of a fourth try. If you find one or if you start one, let us know. Please respect your gf and move on. She's tried and she's tired.
Author shipwrecked Posted June 13, 2008 Author Posted June 13, 2008 Hey Y. I didn't call her yet. But I'm 90% sure that I'm going to do it today. Man, I can't take this pain anymore. It's not getting any better.
Trialbyfire Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 Hey Y. I didn't call her yet. But I'm 90% sure that I'm going to do it today. Man, I can't take this pain anymore. It's not getting any better. So, what part of any of what you've done and plan to do, has anything to do with concern about her feelings, wants and needs?
Author shipwrecked Posted June 13, 2008 Author Posted June 13, 2008 I don't understand. How can this hurt her?
Trialbyfire Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 I want to thank you for your letter and the flowers. It was a beautiful gesture, and I appreciate it. But I don't see a future with us anymore, and I hate to cause you any more pain over this decision. Nothing will change my mind, so I would appreciate that there be no more grand gestures, since it's actually quite painful for me. I am very happy that you have seeked help, and I hope everything works out for you. I am satisfied with my decision, and I hope you can both respect and appreciate that, since every person deserves control over their future and decisions. Read this again.
Author shipwrecked Posted June 13, 2008 Author Posted June 13, 2008 But she loved me so much. How could she walk away. Wouldn't it make her feel better to her from me. She never mentioned not contacting her. I'm sorry but I just find this whole ordeal tramatizing. I know we're all in this together, but I have my pain, and you have yours. I can't seem to stop dwelling on this. Every second, every minute. My life seems to be wasting away. Can't do anything.
sultry33 Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 But she loved me so much. How could she walk away. Wouldn't it make her feel better to her from me. She never mentioned not contacting her. I'm sorry but I just find this whole ordeal tramatizing. I know we're all in this together, but I have my pain, and you have yours. I can't seem to stop dwelling on this. Every second, every minute. My life seems to be wasting away. Can't do anything. i think the bits trial highlighted show that she is asking you to not contact her as its causing her more pain.. we know its hard but after receiving a message like that you need to leave her alone.. she will not miss you if you are always there. go out get busy do something but dont contact her.. you may make her change her number.. pull away completly.. we know we are feeling this pain too, we have made these mistakes.. sometimes still do.. but this is our advice. i hope you decide to help yourself and be strong. hugs to you i know its tough x
Nevermind Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 How you she walk away? Let's see. After you broke her heart for the third time and let her lie down and be miserable she finally got up, stretched her legs, checked where you went and walked the opposite direction. You broke her heart 3 times. She is finally coming to terms with it and she knows (and so do you) that you will break her heart again, if she allows you into her life. She only wants to find peace. YOU only want somebody to end the loneliness. Caring for somebody means caring for their well-being. She asked you to stop it. If you had a morsel of feeling for her, you would let her live her life. This is all about ending your pain on her cost. Didn't you do enough already? Do you think so highly of yourself that you cannot imagine her being happy without you? Because this is what I read as a "reason" for your plans. Here is a newsflash: she will be fine. Very blunt, but if I were your ex, I'd want somebody to tell you the truth.
J2FT1 Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 Hey Y. I didn't call her yet. But I'm 90% sure that I'm going to do it today. Man, I can't take this pain anymore. It's not getting any better. Didn't you get this feeling of pain when you broke with her the first 2 times? Why did you do it the 3rd time if you already knew the same would come back?
serendip Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 How could she walk away. She never mentioned not contacting her. It's b/c you walked away 3 times. Yes she has mention it in her reply email....you are not listening or you don't want to. She asked you to respect her wishes. Dude...if you truly love and care about this person...you would leave her alone like she ask. Right now you are just being selfish...you want to ease your pain by hurting her(contact).
Author shipwrecked Posted June 13, 2008 Author Posted June 13, 2008 Nevermind. You don't really know my whole situation, but I do respect your opinion. I sincerely loved this girl. I've been depressed, my whole life. Never received any treatment until now. The reason why I broke up with her before is because I've never been happy with myself. When your depressed and in a relationship it's not good especially for the other person. Negative, Contempt for mankind, No sympathy, No compassion. You feel smothered and rather be left alone. I told her that reason. I told her that I was depressed. However she said that she understood and would stick by me through thick and thin. So this is why I feel somewhat bitter and hurt. In my relationship there was no communication from both sides. She did not know how to handle this situation. I was draining the life out of her. When I ended it for a third time, she told me that she wanted to do it, but waited for me she guesses. There really has been no closure and she can't explain what she has been feeling other than her believing that she loved me more than I loved her, and we're not meant to be. She never let me know this in all 4 years we were together. That's why this hurts. I've been depressed needed space. Told her and she accepted the situation and believed we could work on it. Yet I loved her with all my heart but because of my depression could not show her. She knew this when she came back. SHE NEVER COMMUNICATED OR GAVE ME A SHOT TO IMPROVE MY SITUATION. We never argued. NEVER. I feel like I never had a real shot. I feel like a blind man in the dark.
Nevermind Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 However she said that she understood and would stick by me through thick and thin. So this is why I feel somewhat bitter and hurt. In my relationship there was no communication from both sides. She did not know how to handle this situation. I was draining the life out of her. She stuck it out three times. You were draining life out of her. There comes a point when through thick and thin doesn't work anymore. She has reached this point. You're asking her to care about you and only about you. She knew this when she came back. SHE NEVER COMMUNICATED OR GAVE ME A SHOT TO IMPROVE MY SITUATION. We never argued. NEVER. I feel like I never had a real shot. I feel like a blind man in the dark. A lack of communication is bad, and you should take this as a sign that she was right and that you were not meant to be. But she did give you a shot, every time she came back, she gave you a shot. You're writing all about your feelings and how she wasn't able to deal with it appropriately, but where is your consideration for her feelings? Being dumped three times can lead to depression as well. You are a grown-up. When you break up it should be final. You did it three times, and the only thing she does is accepting it. Depression or not: you broke up. Now respect your own decision. Work on yourself, and find another girl. Treat her better and find happiness. Good luck!
Trialbyfire Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 I see a lot of "me" and nothing about "her". If you truly love her, you'll think of what's best for her.
Nevermind Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 I broke up with her SEVERAL times. A LOT more than 3. She ALWAYS came back. The last time I broke up with her, she found someone else. This sheds a completely new light on your situation, Y. But never mind.
Nevermind Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 Ah, ok. I misunderstood. Sorry, Y. Be glad she is gone. You deserve better. shipwrecked: It comes down to this: is getting over this pain worth her pain? Can you live your life knowing that you hurt her again and again?
Author shipwrecked Posted June 13, 2008 Author Posted June 13, 2008 Y. Sorry for your circumstances. Nevermind, like I said before I can live with regret, but it's regret for the things both of us did not do. No I don't want to hurt her, but unfortunately, egotistically speaking, if you know someone cares for you when your in dire need, it makes the situation more bearable. It's hard to understand that if your in love with someone, that you should want them to be happy without you. I just don't understand the concept. I know you guys mean well, but it's not that easy. Especially when you think both your problems could be solved when you realize you made mistakes and want to correct them. It's not like we kept beating a dead horse, for we never even took a swing.
Nevermind Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 Okay. You are in therapy. Are you healed? Are you completely different? Can you give her a life-times of happiness? Can you make her happy and never break her heart again by breaking up? If the answer to any of these questions is no, then you need to move on. If you're still working on getting better, then focus on this. Show her that you can be better, that you're working hard. Respect her wishes and respect her. Only then do you have a chance of getting her back some day. For now..you can rely on loveshack. You took a swing. Be honest. How long were you together all in all? She came back three times..that's taking a swing. She didn't communicate well, you were flaky and depressed. It didn't work.
americanrevgirl Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 You should have been sure of what you were doing before you broke it off with her. That is pretty cold, have to say. If I were in her shoes, I wouldn't have anything to do with you! She is nicer than I would have been, I wouldn't have even responded to you. You can only play someone so many times before they learn.
Author shipwrecked Posted June 13, 2008 Author Posted June 13, 2008 I'm really disappointed. I wish we still had something. I'm sorry I couldn't play your little game of stringing me along while you live with someone else. I miss you. I miss you a lot. You know that though, and you don't care. You have someone. You're happy. I'm not. I always wonder what I could have or should have done differently. I'll always remember you. I really loved you. I'll always care about you. I can't talk to you because of how you are. I guess I hope you'll be happy, but at the same time regret the way things ended between us. I hope you'll call me again someday. I don't want you to hate me. I don't hate you, even though I should. I don't want to talk to you, but I want you to call. You know I love you, ____. Why did you do this? Why? Hey Y, wow this is a pretty good thread. Thanks. When the time is right I'll let it out.
borelandkaren Posted June 14, 2008 Posted June 14, 2008 This sheds a completely new light on your situation, Y. But never mind. Yessssss........ Shipwrecked, for gods' sake, leave the girl alone, get over it and get on with your own life. She has made her decision. Now you make one: Look like a stalker, don't look like a stalker??? Decision's yours, buddy. I know which one I'd be going for.
Author shipwrecked Posted June 14, 2008 Author Posted June 14, 2008 I'm definitely not a stalker. Been going out for 4 years. Don't I have a right to contact someone which I've spent that long with. Been broken up for 2 1/2 months. Contacted her twice by email, which she replied. Then called her 3 times, which she answered. Then sent flowers and an apology letter. If this is stalking, then eating frosted flakes should be considered a cereal killing.
underpants Posted June 14, 2008 Posted June 14, 2008 What is it that you hope to accomplish by contacting her? It has been under 3 months. You have not begun to deal with yourself and your "depression" as opposed to just feeling the void of the status quo. After 3 strikes, do you really under estimate her ability to see you for what you have shown her that you are? Again and again? Think.
Recommended Posts