Sydder223 Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 My gf and I have been together for 3 and 1/2 years, and we have been very passionate about one another. However, I am the first person shes ever dated, and she told me about a year ago that eventually she would need to take a break to see what else was out there. Well, the time has come that she wants to take that break, shes transitioning between high school and college life, and since we were both busy for the summer, she figured it would be the best time for a break. She wants two months, and then she said she will decide if she wants to be with me or not. The problem is this, I know I have to give her what she needs, but I love her to death. She's talking about being with other people and it's crushing to me. I've tried to surround myself with friends, and I'm just looking for some advice. We still talk on the phone occasionally, and she says she still really cares for me. Is there anything I can do to help her see that I'm the one? Or am I just left to wait for judgment. Any advice would be appreciated, Thank you for reading.
sultry33 Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 she sounds great.. i suppose at least she is honest.. really shocked that she said she will need to see whats out there.. and you stayed.. if you love someone the last thing you would want is to loose them to someone else.. imo get your shoes on an run.. find a girl that doesnt want to see if grass is greener on other side.. usually its not.. look after you
Author Sydder223 Posted June 12, 2008 Author Posted June 12, 2008 Yeah, I've been doing some serious thinking, and I gave my friend a call and we had a long talk. Basically there are two possible scenarios for this relationship to go. #1. I let her go and she tries new things. She realizes how much she misses me and comes back, thus strengthening our relationship because she realizes how important I am. Likewise, from losing her, I realize that I have a soul, and she's part of it. I need her just like she needs me (I didn't know this before, I always thought she liked me a little more than I liked her.) #2. I let her go and she tries new things. She realizes that my problems are actually too severe to come back to, she remembers me in a positive light, but she moves on and starts dating others. Since she doesn't come back, I move on as well, which is also good for me, because I am not with a person that truly loves me. I think those are the only 2 possible scenarios for this to play out. As of right now, I hope for #1, but I know with time I can deal should #2 happen. If she doesn't come back, it wasn't meant to be. I can't think of any other possible outcomes, and both those situations seem like a win-win. Either way, we both get what we want. Now... to figure out how to deal with the pain of knowing she might never wake up in my arms again. Or that we may never take a long walk together... How does one cope with all the pain?
mark982 Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 so, if she don't find noone better, she'll come back to you. gee that's awful sweet of her.buddy forget her, she's playing games w/ your head.just want's to keep you on a string. i'd go nc and enjoy your summer w/o her.
Author Sydder223 Posted June 12, 2008 Author Posted June 12, 2008 The problem is, we have always worked through all of our problems together, and believe me, we've had a lot of them. She's the only person I've ever told my entire life story to, we didn't withhold any secrets from each other, we would just tell each other and work through it. I can't just forget about her, she means the world to me.
sultry33 Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 The problem is, we have always worked through all of our problems together, and believe me, we've had a lot of them. She's the only person I've ever told my entire life story to, we didn't withhold any secrets from each other, we would just tell each other and work through it. I can't just forget about her, she means the world to me. of course you cant forget her.. she is in your heart.. that will never change, but you can find someone else who one day you will share your life with.. all the ins and outs.. the test of true love is that person being there for you always.. no matter how bad it gets, they are willing to try and stick with it.. i too am realising this. try and stay positive look to your friends for comfort and come on here too, really has helped me and im still in the coping stage.. life sucks, love sucks but it will get easier with each day. just go nc for a bit to give you both some space.. vent here, we are all with you x
Template Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 So here's the deal, I can safely assume that you two are a very young couple. While I can appreciate the passion of your love that you are trying to relate (soulmate, only one for her, etc.), I really do, there is so much the world has to offer, and you shouldn't shield yourself from it. Should you wait for her? That's really up to you, but something tells me the reason the reason she wants to explore is possibilty that she's not completely satisfied with her relationship with you. She's looking for something more, something maybe you aren't providing. You my friend should start your process of moving on RIGHT NOW. In two months, if you find yourself and your ex traveling down the same road, that's great. However, I don't think you should put your life on hold, while she goes on with her life. Who knows, you might find someone great, and when the time comes, and your ex be the one regretting .
chrisanderson Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 I'm going through the same thing right now bud. My gf/ fiancé and I were planning our wedding and BOOM, she says she needs to see what else is out there. I cried, begged, pleaded, bought flowers, etc but nothing worked. Come to find out a week later that she was seeing someone else. I know it hurts like crazy but we're left with no choice but to deal with it. I'll never understand why one would need to go see what else is out there if they claim they love us a much as they say. But there's nothing we can do. My advice: If you've expressed to her how much you care for her, let her go. I'd advise that you stay away from her. Go no contact and stay there. Don't call, don't text, don't email. Let her miss you. Let her experience life without you. If she finds another guy and tries talking to you about him tell her you have to go. If you don't cut contact she will use you as a crutch and you'll get into "friendmode". This may seem appealing but it's not where you want to be. If going NC does nothing then it means she wasn't meant for you. I've been NC with my ex for 8 days and it's been hell for me. If she's not affected by it then that means I loved her more than she loves me- and who wants to be in a relationship where the love isn't equal.
Author Sydder223 Posted June 13, 2008 Author Posted June 13, 2008 Ok, thanks for all the input, you were right about us being young, she is 18 and I turn 20 in 8 days. I know my best chance of getting her back is leaving her on a positive note, she told me she would call me on Saturday, because that's when her job gets less demanding. I think my best chance of getting her back is to let her know that I want her, but I don't need her, and I'm going to get over her and not wait around. What do you all think? Do you have any suggestions, because I feel like this conversation may be the last time I ever talk to her if it doesn't go well.
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