Jump to content

My wife wants a 2 month seperation, This is what I want to tell her.

memnonayr

By memnonayr
in Separation and Divorce

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

memnonayr Member

memnonayr

Posted
Posted

My writing skills aren't the best so please bare with me.

K,

 

When we got married you agreed to something along the lines of:

take R to be your husband – to live together after God’s ordinance – in the holy estate of matrimony? Will you love him, comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer, for better, for worse, in sadness and in joy, to cherish and continually bestow upon him your heart’s deepest devotion, forsaking all others, keep yourself only unto him as long as you both shall live?

 

From the very start of our marriage you have not.I understand you want to be an equal partner in the marriage. The problem is you need to be more “equal” than me. You put up a huge fight until you win everything. If you don’t win, you say things are not working and we should just get a divorce. That is in no way us being equal. I should not be beneath you in our relationship. If you can tell me I have to do things to make our marriage work, it should be the same for you.

 

 

You care more about your friends than you do me. But you know what Kim. None of them thought enough of you to marry you. Unlike them I actually stood up like a man and promised to stay by you forever. I am sick of you spending all day either with them or talking to them. You are supposed to be my companion. When you spend so much time being with them, where does that put me? Definitely not at your side. I loathe your cell phone. I don’t believe you should be having private conversations with men that you need to delete so I cannot see them. That is one of the reasons that I cannot just trust you. If I can find a way out of the contract I will give up the phones. I should not be paying so you can do that to me.

 

You say that our children are not a reason to stay together. That is a disgusting idea. Those are our children. They are a perfect reason to be together. Children are supposed to be raised in a proper family with a Mother and a Father. How will our children ever grow up with proper family values if they we cannot achieve them. I know your parents got a divorce. Well guess what. When things don’t go your way you cry about “we need a divorce”. My grandparents and parents have stuck out their marriages through good times and bad, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. This has taught me that I cannot abandon you because everything isn’t perfect. What will our divorce teach Vince and Joel? They can abandon their wives and responsibilities to their families.

 

I am sick of your lack of enthusiasm in the bedroom. I’m not sure I can be any more clear on that. I need more than just someone that just lays on their back, emotionless like a stone. Would it kill you to change up positions, smile, and make some noise so I know you’re awake. Let the lights be on? C’mon anything??? Your new refusal to do oral. Well that is just hurtful. It’s like your saying that there is something wrong with me down there.[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial] [/FONT]

[FONT=Arial] You say that we shouldn’t have to change anything about ourselves if we are meant to be together. I don’t believe this at all. Going from being totally independent to being in a life long partnership requires changing some of the things you do. Instead of fighting me on this all the time, why don’t you try implementing some changes. I have and I’m okay with it. On a much related note, I should be able to tell you I don’t like it when you do something. When you tell me I just need to get over it, that it hurts me emotionally. When that gets me nowhere because you won’t listen it just brews in my mind every time you do it. I am telling you, you are hurting me for a reason. You make communication very difficult when you refuse to take my feelings into consideration

 

I love you and want to be with you. You say you want a divorce but I really don’t think you do. I think you are just putting me out until I come back tail between my legs begging for forgiveness. Well that is not going to happen this time. If I do that you will never take responsibility your failings to keep our marriage healthy. I’m not saying that I have no blame. I am only saying that I cannot take it all on me. For once I want you to take responsibility for your actions and apologize.

 

I refuse to do this 2 month separation. I will either move back in with you having an attitude adjustment, or I will go file for the divorce personally tomorrow morning. If I do move back in I don’t want to deal with you resenting me.

vivrantflo Established Member

vivrantflo

Posted
Posted

"I refuse to do this 2 month separation. I will either move back in with you having an attitude adjustment, or I will go file for the divorce personally tomorrow morning. If I do move back in I don’t want to deal with you resenting me."

 

 

This last paragraph that you used, is the only thing I would personally write to her.

 

She would take your email in its entirety as an attack. So it would prove counter productive for you.

 

I've never been married, hence why I rarely post on this forum.. but I think the whole email is a little overkill. Give her that choice, and stick to your guns.

Gunny376 Established Member

Gunny376

Posted
Posted

OooooooRaaaaahhhaaa!

 

That's all freaking day strong! :cool:

 

Get some!

Chrome Barracuda Established Member

Chrome Barracuda

Posted
Posted

That's a great letter, V-flo is right try to shorten it a little make it sweet and to the point. dont add to many paragraphs.

 

It sounds like she's not wife material. You can't reamin independant in a marriage. I'm sorry it doesnt work like that.

SingleDad Established Member

SingleDad

Posted
Posted

Don't push it... don't write the letter - instead try the folowing:

 

If you want to see your kids everyday then

Delete the greivances and anger... or the marriage will go beyond separation toward divorce.

 

Never use the word Divorce ever again...

Separation and Divorce is not the answer if you have kids (unless if there is violence Etc)... Think of them and not yourself.

 

Focus on the positives and your wife's strengths... Instead of wife spending her time with her friends, have her invite them over for dinner as a double date - and dote over her even if you have to fake it for a while- get into what she enjoys so you can do things together - try to re-kindle what you used to have

 

There is no such thing as Equal when there is kids involved- you have to sacrifice yourself

 

 

Maybe if you dote on your wife, she will begin to do the same to you - try that for a few months before you take any drastic steps.

 

Believe me, I wish I know that before... Because I didn't dote over her as much as she expected, I only get to see my 2 year old daughter 42% of the time for the next 19 years and pay child support on top of that.

 

Which would you prefer ?

Billy Bob Established Member

Billy Bob

Posted
Posted

Don't bother with the letter.. She clearly is looking for a way out. There is no way for you to "control" the situation. She has every right to talk to whoever she wants on her cell phone, she has every right to spend too much time with her friends and I agree with her, kids are not a reason to stay married.

 

Face it, she knows what she is doing. That letter sounds accusory and pathetic. Crumple it up. Your problem is that you are trying to control her into behaving like you think she should. She is rebelling from that control.

 

If I were you I would let her proceed with the seperation and I'd just go see a lawyer and get ready to file for divorce. Truthfully here, you need to STOP pursuing her. I think the only way you could rekindle things with her is if you walked away and didn't want her anymore. (You want what you can't have)... You can't demand that she have an "attitude adjustment"... it sounds like you are lecturing a 13 year old.

 

It seems obvious that she is "done" and that you have quite a controlling, obsessive personality. It's obvious she wants to be happy and you aren't doing it for her anymore.

MissXena New Member

MissXena

Posted
Posted
My writing skills aren't the best so please bare with me.

 

she's having an affair and the "2 month separation" is code for "let me and my bf play house and see if I like him enough to dump memnonayr"

twice_shy Established Member

twice_shy

Posted
Posted

mem,

Sounds good to me, you ought to end it with, "you want a 2 month separation, I want a divorce."

TrustInYourself Established Member

TrustInYourself

Posted
Posted

What is the intent of this letter? To make her understand your perspective? I'm sorry to say that's impossible. This entire letter is fuel for her to want the separation even more.

 

You want your wife to start spending time with you? Push her away. Tell her go to her friends and ignore her.

 

You want your wife wants to move out. Ask her how you can help.

 

Don't be pushy, don't be angry, don't demand results, don't demand changes. If she's not doing what you want of her own accord, then it's time to change tactics.

 

Every time you approach her and you feel tension or a fight brewing, use an alternative approach to the situation. Do something you would typically not do, something you can be proud of doing.

 

This letter smacks of neediness and ultimatums. Live your life for yourself. It's wasted energy trying to change someone or have them realize something they can't understand. Step back, take a breath, and change course.

 

I wish you the best. :p

  • Author
memnonayr Member

memnonayr

Posted
  • Author
Posted

 

If I were you I would let her proceed with the seperation and I'd just go see a lawyer and get ready to file for divorce. Truthfully here, you need to STOP pursuing her. I think the only way you could rekindle things with her is if you walked away and didn't want her anymore. (You want what you can't have)... You can't demand that she have an "attitude adjustment"... it sounds like you are lecturing a 13 year old.

 

 

I called my lawyer today to get the ball rolling.

 

You're right about the lecturing a 13 year old part. That's how she behaves and I can't spend the rest of my life with a woman that refused to grow up.

TrustInYourself Established Member

TrustInYourself

Posted
Posted
I called my lawyer today to get the ball rolling.

 

You're right about the lecturing a 13 year old part. That's how she behaves and I can't spend the rest of my life with a woman that refused to grow up.

 

Exactly, you can't lecture her. If you want her to act responsibly, back off and give her space and trust that she will do so.

 

She may not, but then that makes your choice that much clearer doesn't it?

Chrome Barracuda Established Member

Chrome Barracuda

Posted
Posted

I would not lift a finger to help her move! she can hire her own moving crew and do it herself she wants out dont help let her do it on her own.

 

F-That!!!

 

It aint control. she cant be a real woman and be a wife and a mother then she needs to leave!

  • Author
memnonayr Member

memnonayr

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I would not lift a finger to help her move! she can hire her own moving crew and do it herself she wants out dont help let her do it on her own.

 

F-That!!!

 

It aint control. she cant be a real woman and be a wife and a mother then she needs to leave!

 

I left. I got up and took my paycheck. The only thing she cares about, with me. I told her the kids can come with me, but I wasn't going to take them from her.

TrustInYourself Established Member

TrustInYourself

Posted
Posted

That's your perogative. If you just want to leave her to the wolves for being a dumb bitch, by all means.

Chrome Barracuda Established Member

Chrome Barracuda

Posted
Posted

YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE LEFT THE HOUSE WITHOUT A CUSTODY AGREEMENT IN PLACE!!!:mad:

 

she should have left! I understand why you did but from a legal standpoint it doesnt look good. That right there could be characterized as abandonment.

 

I know why you did. But where are you living now? Do you have an attourney? Get your mind in the game man.

SingleDad Established Member

SingleDad

Posted
Posted

Agreed Don't leave the house without a separation agreement... that's called abandonment by the law. You could lose the house and time with your kids - you no not want her to have sole custody do you ?

 

Don't let her trick you into leaving.

 

If she wants space, she should leave.

LucreziaBorgia Established Member

LucreziaBorgia

Posted
Posted

I would suggest that you:

 

a. move back in immediately - from a legal standpoint it does not look good for you to move out like that

b. contact a lawyer and lay it all out for him/her

c. hire a PI - 99 times out of a 100 in a case like this, there is an affair going on

d. consider your options for custody based on the PI's findings and your lawyer's advice

  • Author
memnonayr Member

memnonayr

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I have a lawyer. She told me that staying with family for a few days wouldn't count against me. It would be impossible for me to have the kids with me after a divorce though. I work full time and don't have enough money to hire babysitters. My wife, although a terrible partner for me is a great parent. I wont fight her for the kids, I will only fight to have plenty of time with them. She has invited me over everyday to spend time with them. I have kept records of money I have given her to take care of the kids.

Chrome Barracuda Established Member

Chrome Barracuda

Posted
Posted

At least get 50/50 physical dont get screwed by no crazy chicks in court!

Dont say you'll never fight her for the kids she's gonna put the screws to you, they all do. somehow someway.

 

Dont spend time with her, and act like the happy family. Dont pretned things wont change because they will. If you dont want to spend time because it hurts to see her and be reminded of the divorce then you could spend it with the kids on your time.

 

Some dudes that are hurt by the divorce should try to move on as best as possible. And as a prerequsite you should begin to live your life for you, without her in it.

SingleDad Established Member

SingleDad

Posted
Posted

Share legal and physical custody... Don't settle for merely visitation. You may feel you do not need custody now, but you have to think about years from now.

 

If Ex has custody, she has full control whether you will be see your kids lives many years from now. What if she decides to move 1,000 miles away ? What if she re-marries and stepparent doesn't want you around ?

 

Do not back down... stand up for your parental rights if you care about your children.

 

Don't think about the money so much - you are paying the Ex. but don't have money for babysitters ? You shouldn't need babysitters going forward - your Ex is your Kids primary babysitter.

 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...