mistieyed Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 here is the deal in a blip - i have been dating someone for about four months - he has been working many hours (upwards of 12-15 per day) since we first started seeing each other. we have not been able to see each other as much as we would have liked because of this schedule. but i have been conflicted because i have been told and have also read here that if a guy is interested, they will find a way to contact you and see you. the first month and a half went great - great communication, etc. - we have progressed to a sexual relationship as well and he is very loving - but our communication (or i should say his to me) has been limited - if i contact him, he is on it immediately, but if not, he is not as big on the communication as his full court press (as i think you guys call it) initially. i am not sure if it is work exhaustion, comfort and not working for it anymore, or he is on his way out the door. although our contact has been limited lately, he made sure to call in sick to one of his jobs to share my bday with me because he didn't want to disappoint me and he wanted to share the day with me. but, last night i hit my breaking point - i have never been with someone that does not communicate and it really has taken its toll on my over-analyzing brain. i just wanted to know where i stand with him - if he is withdrawing or plainly tired as he should be. i shared my feelings and my wants and needs as well (via email)(trust me, my requests were not outrageous or needy, just where i was headed and what i expected from him if we were going to move forward) i am not sure if he got my email and have not contacted him since and i have not heard from him yet - it is not uncommon to go a few days without talking, but i would think that this is something i would get input on quickly. so, my question is - contact him to see if he got my message and what he thinks about it or give him a few days (and space to think about what he wants) and see if he responds? if he doesn't i suppose i have my answer (and also will know that he lacks the maturity to let me know he is not interested in anything with me any longer). really interested in your responses. thanks.
SpikeyChick Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 ). really interested in your responses. thanks. Give him a few days and then, if he does not contact you, break up .. He is not doing anything "wrong" here, but your need to be in touch with him are such that he cannot meet them... So cut him loose and find a more available man.
nicki Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 Yeah, I understand what you mean. If we don't have information/communication from someone, our brain will just make up its own information, and it's usually not good! Do you think this guy is married or something? Have you been to his place? Something doesn't seem right. At best, it's just an inability to communicate and a lack of empathy for you. At worst, he is doing something shady. It's hard to believe someone who cares about you wouldn't respond to that email you sent. He probably just doesn't want to deal with you or your emotions and simply won't communicate for his own selfish reasons of not wanting to confront or fix things (or he could know he's been busted if he is seeing someone else.) I've dated guys who won't communicate or care about how I feel. It's the worst situation, and enough reason to walk away. It takes two people to make a relationship good. You can't do all the work for him. Give him a few days to respond. I wouldn't go chasing him. He will contact you. Hopefully, it's not just to have sex. That would be telling in itself. When he does call or write, be sure to show him you are not happy by acting very business like. Let him know you are not happy with things. Lay it all on the table. If he doesn't communicate, something is wrong, so you might want to hit the door. Even if it is simply that he's too busy to have a relationship, then he's too busy to have a relationship...and you move on. Walk away from a relationship that is not equal and reciprocal.
nicki Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 My best friend once told me that the most important thing to have in a relationship is a partner who wants to please you. You can make things work with someone who wants to please you and make you happy. You can't make things work with someone who doesn't (or can't.) It's pretty simple, and I try to remember this!
Author mistieyed Posted June 12, 2008 Author Posted June 12, 2008 thanks for your thoughts, they are really helpful. still haven't heard from him today and my anxiety level is through the roof, but feel as though i did the right thing for me by emailing - although i am sad. i appreciate the time you took to respond. oh and i don't think he is married - i think he has had pretty bad outcomes to relationships in the past, but he hasn't discussed them.
Author mistieyed Posted June 13, 2008 Author Posted June 13, 2008 i am trying really hard not to contact him - i want him to have time to compute what it is i said to him, but it is really frustrating that he has not said anything in the meantime. i don't know the brain of man all that well, but i do know most are not mushy or emotional like we women so i am trying to give him the benefit of the doubt (my guess is he just crawled into his cave for a bit). i just don't know if i should say anything further. Nicki - you seem so sure he WILL contact me? but as the second day goes by, i have to wonder.
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