D-Lish Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 So... I have had some strange dating experiences... admittedly some of those have been me choosing the wrong partner despite some red flags. I do tend to attract the guys that do some off the wall stuff! I met someone 2 weeks ago at a pub. He seemed pretty stable and interesting! I was pleasantly surprised. Last night was our fourth date- nothing crazy has happened...we just kissed the last time we went out. Last night he came over in the afternoon to help me move some stuff from my place to my parents (heavy lifting)...which I appreciated since I am moving soon. Anyway- I came in from taking my dogs downstairs to pee and he was sitting at my computer- going through my message history on msn seeing what I say to the guys when I chat with them!!! he was being blatent about it!! He didn't even try to hide it! I was like "are you looking in my msn history with people? And he said "Yes- i want to know if I can trust you". Okay- I was pretty livid. He opened my msn messager (it's not passworded- I live alone)... and was reading my personal conversations looking for dirt!!! We had a load of stuff to move- so we packed the truck and made the move- and I sent him home after. Would this distress you after a few dates? I was furious! There is nothing bad on there- but that isn't the point! You just don't snoop like that when you are on a fourth date. I haven't returned his calls since- I am obviously writing him off as a jealous guy. I am just flabbergasted about the things people think they have the right to do when it comes to invading others privacy. I get that he probably wants to learn as much about me as he can... but to look into my personal history like that really blew me away. I won't be seeing him again obviously- and he on the other hand cannot not comprehend why I am angry! He said that if I had nothing to hide- I wouldn't be angry he looked... Fourth date- we've barely kissed... and he's breaking into my computer conversations!!! I don't have anything to hide- or to justify! I'm beginning to think I am going to live out my life as an old lady, just collecting stray dogs and giving them all the love I have left in me... They certainly deserve it more than some of the doozies I have met these past 3 years!
LikeCharlotte Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 Looks like you got one giant red flag. I meet a lot of crazies too. A recent ex used to just pick up my notebooks, photo albums and things and start looking casually. It annoyed me that he felt that comfortable touching things I'd given him no permission to touch. he stopped once I said something about it but it really bothered me and I only left him alone in my place once because of it.
johan Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 I get the impression of him emerging from the dirt, all new and ready to take on the world, just before he met you. Naive like an alien. I've never met someone quite that clueless.
Crestfallen_KH Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 Even in a relationship this would royally tick me off. Wants to see if he can trust you? With what? You're not even exclusive at this point! And now that you are mad, he's turning it back on you? "If you have nothing to hide..." bah. That's what a stalker psycho says. Yes, never, never talk to this guy again. His jealousy and issues would only get worse, not better. Wow, I'm sorry - I can't even imagine what I would have done.
Balthazar Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 We had a load of stuff to move- so we packed the truck and made the move- and I sent him home after. I couldn't stop laughing when I read this! I guess you got your revenge in a way D...
johan Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 I don't understand why there aren't guys like that coming on here saying "WTF??? I just looked through her MSN history! What's the big deal??" You never see that. It seems like you would.
SpikeyChick Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 I don't understand why there aren't guys like that coming on here saying "WTF??? I just looked through her MSN history! What's the big deal??" You never see that. It seems like you would. You never see that here because 99.999% of guys would never do it in the first place..
nicki Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 How funny! I can't believe he wasn't more apologetic when caught. He could have even gone into how he can't trust anymore since his last girlfriend cheated on him. ANYTHING but his "So what? I want to know if I can trust you" attitude. Like you've got anything you have to prove to him! ha! I dated a guy who after three dates checked up on me when I was out of town. He actually checked the airline schedules. When I got back he accused me of faking my trip. WTF?! He said that the airline didn't have any flights to my destination at the time I flew out....Umm, that was because I took SEVERAL flights with layovers. I didn't fly direct. But, I directly dumped him. Glad you at least got a free mover out of the whole deal!
jerbear Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 This is what happens, meet at the pub, build a repertoire, meet out of the pub a few times, then huh???? Like the US, a pub is like collecting stray dogs. There is always regulars. Collecting stray dogs is not a good option. What about the stray cats? Blatantly looking at someone's computer conversations is just wrong. Sounds like he has trust issues and insecurities.
marlena Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 This happened to me as well. While I was on the phone, he ran into my office and logged onto my computer. I was flabberghasted. What kind of person does this without asking first I thought? How utterly rude. It was a violation of my privacy. I held it in but a couple of months later we had a quarrel and I told him. His attitude was the same. He said that he didn't see anything wrong wit it. Grrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!! This is the same person who was offended when I made some inquiries about him after he had been caught in a host of lies. Doesn't look good, D.
Carmen87 Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 I would have been absolutely livid! Wow, the nerve of some people.
JohnnyBlaze Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 After only a few dates, he shouldn't even be on your computer without asking you first. And no matter how long you two have been together, he shouldn't be going through your history. That's just disrespectful. He's lucky he didn't leave your place through a window. Glad you decided not to put up with that, D. And I promise, there are some of us guys out there in the world who are normal (well, as normal as a guy can get, anyway). We just end up being lost in a sea of crazies.
Untouchable_Fire Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 I'm beginning to think I am going to live out my life as an old lady, just collecting stray dogs and giving them all the love I have left in me... They certainly deserve it more than some of the doozies I have met these past 3 years! Where do you find these losers?
CaliGuy Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 His actions are a good indicator that he himself can not be trusted. Huge red flag. Kick 'em to the curb!
thanksforthememories Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 I agree with everything everyone has said so far but if it was me in your situation, I probably wouldn't have even let him finish helping me move. I'd be afraid he'd go through more of my personal belongings. Wow.
Mahatma Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 WTF??? ^There you go haha. I don't even go through a girlfriends text messages after we've been dating for months. You are perfectly right in not responding to him anymore, sounds like a creep to me. However, this is what you get when you pick up men in bars... or pubs in your case.
grogster Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 The guy is a stalker-in-training. He has no sense of boundaries, personal privacy and confidentiality. A relationship is not a license to rummage through someone's personal things. The fact that he didn't get it speaks volumes. Better to learn that a guy's a nut case after 4 dates as opposed to 4 years and a couple of kids.
twice_shy Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 So... I have had some strange dating experiences... admittedly some of those have been me choosing the wrong partner despite some red flags. I do tend to attract the guys that do some off the wall stuff! I met someone 2 weeks ago at a pub. There would be your first problem.
Author D-Lish Posted June 12, 2008 Author Posted June 12, 2008 There would be your first problem. Lol. It was just a friendly chat at a pub resulting in an exchange of phone numbers. Where exactly is an appropriate place to meet someone nowadays? I am at a loss.... I wasn't going to let him finish helping me move- but the truck was loaded and ready to go! I can't believe what some people believe is normal behaviour. I wouldn't even think about pulling a stunt like that. I haven't returned any of his calls- nor will I. That was just plain wrong....
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 The guy is a stalker-in-training. He has no sense of boundaries, personal privacy and confidentiality. A relationship is not a license to rummage through someone's personal things. The fact that he didn't get it speaks volumes. Better to learn that a guy's a nut case after 4 dates as opposed to 4 years and a couple of kids. This is really frightening behavior. Please tell me you won't give him a second chance!!! I don't think you will He has NO RIGHT to go through your personal information like that. NONE. I wouldn't do that to anyone, regardless of how long we were going out. It's just plain wrong, and extremely selfish. The fact that he threw it back at you afterwards is a classic sign of a manipulative narcissist who only thinks of his own wants and needs.
twice_shy Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 Lol. It was just a friendly chat at a pub resulting in an exchange of phone numbers. Where exactly is an appropriate place to meet someone nowadays? I am at a loss.... I dunno. I do know that at a bar or a club is NOT the place. I'm not really looking. I'm enjoying the single life and my time with friends right now, so I can't really tell ya where to look, just where not to.
jerbear Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 I agree with everything everyone has said so far but if it was me in your situation, I probably wouldn't have even let him finish helping me move. I'd be afraid he'd go through more of my personal belongings. Wow. Hey D-lishcious, hopefully you didn't return his calls, checked voicemail from him (if so have a friend delete it), and do an inventory of your personal belongings. Those belongings Honestly hopefully he doesn't visit or make a scene at the pub next time. So to prevent that, you two might have to have a conversation to just say you two are not compatible. That is if he doesn't get the ignore.
whichwayisup Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 Atleast you didn't catch him in your bedroom, sniffing your underwear!! That happened to a friend of mine!! LOL!
whichwayisup Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 Where exactly is an appropriate place to meet someone nowadays? I am at a loss.... Friends of friends, BBQ and summer gatherings/party's.
Art_Critic Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 Atleast you didn't catch him in your bedroom, sniffing your underwear!! I was going to post the same thing...
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