SadHeart79 Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 Okay, so the only contact I've had with my ex-fiance has been an email once a week (all instigated by him). Then, last night he rang me to say hello. It's only taken him 3 months to ring me! Anyway, he wants to come over to see me next week, have a coffee and watch a dvd. Bear in mind, he has a new girlfriend now. I told him that I wasn't comfortable with that, that if he wanted to see me, we would have to meet somewhere neutral like a cafe or something for a coffee. He told me, that no, he won't be doing that, in case someone sees him with me. I said I would think about it. The thing is, yes, it would be nice to see him again, but by the same token, I feel like I would be taking a huge step backwards. I still have feelings for him, and he told me last night that he still has feelings for me too. I've been slowly getting better since the breakup, trying to forget about the 6 years we had together, and now this has happened. I really don't know what to do. I know I will get upset when he has to go. He will be going home to someone else and doesn't want to be with me anymore. We haven't seen each other for 3 months now, and I just don't know how I will react to seeing him again. I'm afraid that all my emotions and feelings will come flooding back, and I'm not sure I could cope with feeling like that again. Don't get me wrong, I'm still not over him and I still have teary, horrible days where all I think about is him. Why do you think he wants to see me? What does he think it will achieve? Why has he waited so long to make an effort to see me? I feel like it's giving me false hope again. I really thought this new relationship he is in was a rebound, but I guess I was wrong. He is still with her, and I hate it so much. Why does a part of me still want to see him? I just know I'm going to get hurt again, and he seems to have this power over me where he knows how much I miss him, but he's not willing get back with me. Why am I so weak? Sometimes I hate myself so much for missing him and wanting to see him again. What's wrong with me???
foxh1234 Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 DO NOT SEE HIM!!! I hate to be blunt, but you need to hear this. he is just checking in on you and probably hoping for a little on the side so his GF won't find out. If he won't see you in a public place, what does that tell you ? he obviously isn't going to tell his GF that he is going over to watch a dvd at his ex's place. He also might just want to see you and see if your still hung up on him. This will feed his ego and crush you once he leaves. If you are feeling better then continue NC unless he is single down the road and begs to get you back. This is just my opinion, and it may be completely wrong. You know this guy better than any of us. I am sorry, I know this hurts like hell. Been there done that, don't make the same mistake.
LikeCharlotte Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 I don't like that he wants to see you but won't be seen with you. That's not a good sign. I'm sorry to say this but he is probably lying to his gf. It's not a good sign. Stand your ground and if he wants to have anything with you at all he'll have to come to your terms.
sunshinegirl Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 Oh goodness. Please don't meet with him. He doesn't want to take any risks! BFD that he "still has feelings" for you - he is dating and sleeping with someone else right now. Gee, his feelings must really be strong! Not to mention, what kind of character does he have to be saying this kind of thing to you while he is in a relationship with someone else? It's soooo disrespectful to his girlfriend. Please don't think that you guys have something "so special" that it excuses his behavior right now. If it were truly special, he would be breaking up with her and beating down your door to get back with you. As it is, he is hedging his bets and, at best, trying to line you up before he dumps the current girlfriend, showing he's a total coward. More likely, he wants you on the side and has no intention of breaking up with her, thus putting you in the center of a drama that will only break your heart. Yucky yucky yucky. You deserve way more than that.
ButtHead Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 I can't offer advice because I'm in constant contact with my ex. I do, however want to wish you the best of luck because I can relate. My ex has been seeing another guy for about 3 months and they don't seem to be separating any time soon. I know exactly how it feels to lose someone you think is the most special person in the whole world. Good luck on what you decide to do.
sultry33 Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 hi op, as above .. he sucks big time! tell him you wont see him.. he is not avaliable he is with someone else and yes.. he does not want to be seen with you.. bloody cheek! until he is avaliable dont see him. your better than this you know it. i know its tempting but he is only offering you sex no strings from the way i see it.. At least you know he is not 100% happy eh.. please be strong
me1234 Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 this hanging out idea is his, so if you give in, he'll realize you're still under his spell and that you're ok with being his doormat. through your actions you'll be saying that this behavior is acceptable (enabling). it could set a precedent and have a snowball effect. it sounds like he wants cake and wants to eat it too. he wants his new girl but still wants access to you. do you really want to be second best, taking any scrap of attention he'll give you? have the dignity and respect for yourself to not hang out with him. grasping for any bit of attention, especially considering he's with someone new, will only hurt you in your recovery process.
ZenSilk Posted June 12, 2008 Posted June 12, 2008 I guess the best way of killing the hope is just doing it. Go on NC if you can. The fact that he doesn't want to be seen with you is an enormous red flag. Remind yourself of how much you're worth, and that you won't lose your dignity pining over someone who has a gf. Keep busy, find a group of friends that'll support you and stay strong!
justaman99 Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 Don't see him. The guy has a girlfriend and he still has feelings for you? I bet thins aren't so great and he's trying to see if there's somewhere else he can jump over to. What kind of **** is that? Tell him if he wants to see you for him to tell his current girlfriend he wants to go see his ex. That will never happen. The dudes a loser. I feel sorry for his current girlfriend. Shows you what kind of person he is.
Author SadHeart79 Posted June 13, 2008 Author Posted June 13, 2008 Thank you so much to everyone that replied. I know that you are all right. I just can't seem to let my head overule my heart at the moment. I know that I can't see him, it will just set me too far back, and I don't want to go backwards. I can't keep hanging onto false hope all the time, not after the way he has treated me. If he genuinely cared about me and wanted to be friends, he would meet me on my terms, not his! I know that he isn't happy with his new g/f, but you know what? That's not my problem and I really don't care! I won't be second best, and if he thinks I'm going to hang around waiting for him, well no, I'm not doing that. I still have some self-respect left in me, even though I do miss him heaps. It is so tough though, when your heart is saying one thing and your head another. Be quiet heart! Let my head do the talking! Arghhh, this is so hard to get through. I hate this.
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