Author sultry33 Posted June 16, 2008 Author Posted June 16, 2008 Hi hon hope you had a good weekend. Joined the gym. went out over the weekend meet a lad. got pissed,then got kissed asked back to his then refused, he asked again i refused. Unfortunately when he came to kiss me i got a image of the ex, so i know im not ready yet. Told him at the moment that if anyone asked me to go back to theirs i would refuse!!! Not ready to do a one night stand or anything else at the mo. It was nice to have some male company though, have drinks bought etc but strange as my ex never came out. Even though we broke up 4 months ago, (and we have been seeing each other now and again FWB which i have broke off) when is it the right time to get back on the saddle and start riding again!!!! well if you ask a guy they would say "now" lol sounds like we had a similar weekend:D i met a guy on friday.. actually rather fit! and has kids.. says he remembers me from years ago.. school my kids went to.. i played it all cool.. didnt kiss him except on cheek.. he texted me non stop friday night.. sat early morning.. sat day.. i didnt have any credit so most of the texts i didnt reply too, was bit freaked that he texted so much but my mate was like he is really into you, he did follow me to club.. etc.. well i turned down "coffee" at his.. im same im not ready. saw him for 10mins sat night whilst i was at the club.. he pulled up in his brand new car.. again i just kissed my hand to him.. still texting.. but im not sure.. met another guy sat night.. my mates new flings mate.. he was nice but toitally freaked me out when he said i had sadness in my eyes.. saiud i had huge wall rd me and one kiss would be ok.. i said no.. i said mates only and he was cool.. i really thought i was doing better but the guy from sat could clearly see straight through me.. my hearts on my sleeve and i actually nearly cried.. had tears in my eyes and he hugged me.. but i felt zilche.. no spark.. he said he had spark as soon as he saw me.. its a scary place to be... singleton i wonder the same thing.. when is the time to ride again.. i guess when you find that spark, you know your trully ready.. i think you are not ready either as you was wondering about your ex.. i woke up in the morning.. afternoon and my 1st thought was still my ex.. damn:love:
carrie3107 Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 Nice one hun. He must be keen on you, but you'll need to keep it at your own pace. Its strange how people can see right through you. My mate can.... One of my mates said that you need something to distract you from whats been happening. Strange when the lad came to kiss me i got upset, but didn't cry... Maybe should use men to buy drinks etc (its a cheap night and instead of being used become the user!!!!)
Author sultry33 Posted June 16, 2008 Author Posted June 16, 2008 Nice one hun. He must be keen on you, but you'll need to keep it at your own pace. Its strange how people can see right through you. My mate can.... One of my mates said that you need something to distract you from whats been happening. Strange when the lad came to kiss me i got upset, but didn't cry... Maybe should use men to buy drinks etc (its a cheap night and instead of being used become the user!!!!) yeah i do that anyway lol its funny i can dance with guys easily.. just cant do the "kiss" maybe its because its out of loyality or maybe its because kissing makes me horny.. have butterflies today as meant to be seeing my ex tonight.. he confirmed it yesterday if not im going on a date.. just as friends though hope you have a good day today.. its really sunny here
carrie3107 Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 hope everything goes ok for you hun. Start playing him at his own game and i know its hard especially if you've got feelings for him, but make him want you more than you need him and remember by the sounds of it you can get any man you want and youve proved it to yourself so even though you love him you have to toughen up..... Give him a taste of his own medicine...
Author sultry33 Posted June 17, 2008 Author Posted June 17, 2008 hope everything goes ok for you hun. Start playing him at his own game and i know its hard especially if you've got feelings for him, but make him want you more than you need him and remember by the sounds of it you can get any man you want and youve proved it to yourself so even though you love him you have to toughen up..... Give him a taste of his own medicine... lol i like your thinking;) well after not hearing from my ex all day and time was getting near to time we should have been meeting i thought well here comes another excuse! yep i was right.. although he called.. something he has not done before.. as soon as he got the words out "i cant make it".. mid sentance i hung up.. no goodbye just hung up.. well he called again .. sent message.. said def tonight.. his friends car broke down.. he slept over slept through alarm.. i was angry an said you know if you was that keen to see me you would have set alarm.. i said what is the point in this? said id had enough.. but he was sorry and said no matter what he will see me tonight."tuesday". i just said ok.. well before this the guy from friday was texting me.. was saying about the first kiss.. how come i didnt kiss him yet.. i said well on both nights i was drunk.. would want to remember blar blar.. anyway he texted that he had taken the rest of the week off so he could see me anytime... "so i said how about tonight.". do you think thats bad of me:confused: anyway i like to be spontaneous and i like that in a man alot.. he said yes straight away he had been drinking so he got train over.. we went to the pub had couple drinks.. he then told me his story.. he is actually ALOT like me.. i was quite quiet and he said are you having a good time.. after beating me twice at pool.. lol i did do an amazing shot though where the ball did little jump.. haha.. i said "yes" he said i dont give anything away.. bit guarded and i agreed i did say a flaw i have is that i find fault in people and he said he was exactly like that.. he did say on numerous occassions that i was bloody beautiful.. sexy and purrfect.. i said he was nice.. im bad;) early days but i do like him.. he makes me laugh.. has cheeky banter.. smells lovely.. joop.. my weakness is sincere.. caring.. fit.. good looking.. and has children so knows the ins an outs.. although his music taste and film taste well.. so different:lmao: im seeing him again:D i did tell him that ive been abit depressed and im not over my ex yet.. said its only been 3 months.. he said that was a flaw.. but understood, unfortunantly he is not my ex and deep down i love my ex to bits.. everything about him.. but if anything i have a great guy to hang out with through each others ups an downs.. only time will tell.. i did feel wrong going on a date but im glad i did go.. if that makes sense i miss the closeness and the feeling of being wanted so much but at same time i cant lead someone on.
carrie3107 Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 I dont think your leading him on.... When you see him next time just keep it at a friends level and have a laugh!!! Go dutch on the drinks etc..... (It might seem strange but you need to have your ego boosted) Either way you had a good night.... And if the ex texts you tonight to confirm that you are meeting up with him then just say cant tonight im busy, or to (brush you off) then say were we going to meet up tonight soz made other plans.... Yeah ok its a mind game... But thats what hes been doing to you!!!! Make him want you!!!! Make him think hang on a minute she doesnt need me. as soon as they realise they dont need you anymore they try to get back in your good books...
Author sultry33 Posted June 17, 2008 Author Posted June 17, 2008 I dont think your leading him on.... When you see him next time just keep it at a friends level and have a laugh!!! Go dutch on the drinks etc..... (It might seem strange but you need to have your ego boosted) Either way you had a good night.... And if the ex texts you tonight to confirm that you are meeting up with him then just say cant tonight im busy, or to (brush you off) then say were we going to meet up tonight soz made other plans.... Yeah ok its a mind game... But thats what hes been doing to you!!!! Make him want you!!!! Make him think hang on a minute she doesnt need me. as soon as they realise they dont need you anymore they try to get back in your good books... lol... i went dutch on the drinks he then bought kebab.. made me eat pickled peppers yuk.. i did say to my ex last night "well im not ready anyway" he said so you lied? i said yeap so sue me:D i was very off-ish with him as he asked if i had put phone down i said yes i meant to.. i think he is getting the message that im fed up, he also knows that i have already taken too much.. its the last chance tonight i told him this.. i dont really want to play games.. its not my way. im being honest when i tell him i have had enough.. was good to hear his voice though and he did sound sorry but i just hope that its not too late on my part.. my switch may be off already.. i need to see him, but im not being needy, at least i know i tried.. think tonight if he shows he will see different side to me.. if he doesnt show.. then its goodbye no matter what.. x
carrie3107 Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 I know what your saying hun.... I dont like playing games, but I've had many a man play them on me... Ex Ex Ex - " Your the apple of my eye, but ive met someone else on the internet, do you want me to set u up in a flat" so i can see you when i've got nothing else to do Ex Ex - "Not sure what I want" but was allready seeing someone else Ex - "I could get sex anytime", but i dont know anyone else and dont have time to meet anyone when i want sex. To be frank with you i think you've allready said goodbye to him....
stlnsmile Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 I was the same way as you with my ex. I would never "play games" either. I wasn't the game playing type. I hated women who did that crap. But looking back, if I had listened (to my mom of all people) I would have not come off so needy and would have gained my ex's respect. I remember one time, he called me while out on a ten day trip, I was out so I called him back, this was towards the end, I called him back, and the bastard actually got pissed at me and said "can't I have a few days of alone time without having to call you?" Now sorry, number one, I never called him while he was away......figured that was his guy time, I was just returning the call to not be rude and upset him. (I should have known he didn't even care to speak to me and didn't miss me at that point, duuuhhh) When my mom heard this she said "Pack up his sh**, put it on his door step, and don't speak to him, don't answer the phone when he calls." I couldn't do it, I thought it was mean, drastic, I needed to hear his voice because I missed him.......2 weeks later he was gone. He had said that night too, that they guys were making chili and he had to go, after five minutes on the phone, my mom said "that must be one good looking bowl of chili.":cool: You know, when someone does not miss you after a long absence, doesn't even want to talk to you, that really should be your clue they don't give a cra* Now obviously a lot of other stuff had happened to make my mom react that way at this point, he had been avoiding me, not spending time with me, didn't want to talk on the phone with me, didn't by me an anniversary present, only spend an hour here whenever he did come etc...that was sort of the last straw. Looking back, I know, the disrespect I put up with then, the fact that I would, made him loose even more respect for me. And when someone does not respect you, then they don't want you. Being a groveling, needy, take too much cra* kind of girl does NOT gain their respect. You call it game playing, I call it evening out the scales now. He obviously does not respect you right now. And that is why you will loose. Be hard, be harsh, shake that tree, make him respect you above all else, don't put up with his cra*. At least you'll still have your dignity. I understand where you are coming from.....but he has way way too much power over you right now IMHO.
carrie3107 Posted June 17, 2008 Posted June 17, 2008 In other words as my friends have been telling me (before i listened) hes having his cake and eating it!!!! As soon as i did what i did (which i regret) i felt better. Theres no point holding onto him when hes gone from lovegod status to something the dog wouldn't even stand in....
Author sultry33 Posted June 19, 2008 Author Posted June 19, 2008 hi yea i know what you both are saying.. i give you update... guy i met who texted lots showed interest in.. i kinda decided that although he is nice im not really into him.. dont think deep down he is my type and im certainly not ready.. he has been hurt before and im in danger of hurting him so i wont go there. we did do the kiss thing and it was ok.. not great.. not bad the meeting with my ex went well in some ways.. we talked around stuff, ie family.. kids.. cars.. work.. eventually he kissed me, then said "you been kissing someone else" i said "you cant ask me that.. i dont ask you" he said he can tell as im kissing him fast like i used to do when we fist met an i thought kissing others was ok.. during dancing.. we was just going be fun, so i didnt at that time think anything of it.. anyway i said "yes" and he said more than one though.. i said yes 2 guys! he then asked if it was anymore than a kiss.. i said hell no! kissing was hard enough.. i felt so bad, he told me he had not kissed anyone didnt want too.. i just felt bad, like id cheated.. i said i miss being in a relationship having someone to love care about, worry about, go out with, talk with.. he said he felt the same.. he even said whilst he was talking at the car show he found himself looking around for me... i almost cried at this.. i said well it always was k**** and julie.. in other words we was always together.. he said his friend said that too... i said this is the reason i party every weekend.. because i miss us soo much! not because im wanting to move on.. he said no you are already moving on its ok, i knew you would before me but i told him i didnt want to move on.. later i said you need to answer my question.. which was where do you see this going? will we ever get back together properly.. instead of just this? he said he couldnt answer this right now.. said if i need to move on its ok.. i said i miss him he said he miss me or he wouldnt agree to see me.. i said if we really want this to work we need to communicate more, and both want it.. well after this we talked about other stuff .. was intimate.. cuddled kissed.. held hands.. spent over 5hrs together. just before i went to leave i said " i dont want to give up on someone i love so much.. he said "i love you too", "please think about what ive said" then i kissed him and went in.. anyway i got in and though i may have pressured him.. so i appologised and said that its just i miss us being us and i love him always.. he said i love you more . earlier in the night he said why do we have such complicated lives.. i said does not have to be like this.. im kinda relieved to have said it but im no closer to getting answers.. his responce is genuine and i dont think he is ready to let me go.. but he cant be with me yet either.. i really do love him and i cant see answers.. i have guys falling at my feet , tonight even a guy id met just after we split texted me.. and he is like dr jack from lost.. but you know deep down i want my man back.. i want the future we planned.. the dreams we both had.. i dont want to move on but i dont want to get old and lonely and sad.. what if i move on and meet someone but still love him? what if i wait for him? what if i move on then he realises he wants me.. will he thionk i didnt love him as id moved on? i said what if you meet someone.. he said he wont, he dont want to, he is keeping himself busy.. he sure is he has done loads in 3 months.. what do i do now ive asked the questions..? any advice be great x
carrie3107 Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 Hi hun Was wundering how things went the other night... I can appreciate your situation as if my ex was saying that then i would be totally confused and in hope of getting back together.... Heres the question if i had written the above post what would you have told me to do theres your answer hun ......
Author sultry33 Posted June 19, 2008 Author Posted June 19, 2008 morning carrie.. well its morning here lol i tried to look at it as if i was an outsider and its really hard to do.. im biased part of me thinks i should cease contact... but then he may think i have moved on, he seems to be totally confused, but im not.. i know its him i want, but when i said maybe we need to stop this he wasnt keen either.. i could continue to just see him if there was a chance of us getting together even in a yrs time.. its just i need reassurance that im all he wants.. im going to leave contact for a while.. maybe a week or so, but then just say hi hows you? i know he misses me.. i know he loves me.. maybe that should be enough.. i just hate giving up when these feelings are still there.. how are you carrie?
carrie3107 Posted June 19, 2008 Posted June 19, 2008 Yeah im ok... Woke up thinking of him.... It'll get easier. Yeah i would like to text him, but not going too... If he cared for me then he would have texted by now!!!
Author sultry33 Posted June 20, 2008 Author Posted June 20, 2008 Yeah im ok... Woke up thinking of him.... It'll get easier. Yeah i would like to text him, but not going too... If he cared for me then he would have texted by now!!! you are so strong carrie, really you inspire me.. as i know it must be so difficult. you said prev it was round 3.. do you mean round 3 of nc? i wish i could dig myself out sometimes.. i sleep i still dream about him.. in last 2 days i had 2 dreams both of which we was "trying again" its like my head is saying dont give up.. on the other hand a guy from few months back is keeping me company via text lol.. are these tests of my love for my ex.. as if im not tested enough already. i go over our last night together.. i said to him i think about setting you free.. he said hes not a bird.. but i said seriously im holding you back.. you need to have a family.. i cannot give you that.. he said he desnt want that.. he said about looking rd for me at cars shows.. then he said it was good not having to worry about me as in am i bored stressed etc.. i said so you miss the pain in the butt! lol he said .. i would have done anything for him.. gone to car shows 24/7 if thats what he wanted.. i told him this. i think all i can do is limit contact on my part.. see if he misses me more.. so im not waiting around..but im so scared that he will think im ok with it and have moved on.. how can i do this whilst still showing him i love him? i look back and remember how we was, i said he was too overprotective , he said thats a new one from me.. i said im trying find bad points.. its hard.. we never fought, he agreed.. i miss him not wanting me.. worrying about me.. i miss him in my life. do you think i should email him.. say this.. but say im going to give you time?
carrie3107 Posted June 20, 2008 Posted June 20, 2008 Dont email him hun .... Give yourself both time to sort your heads out!!! I have some very good friends, my insperation is a friend of mine who split up the same time as me. She was with him for 22 years on and off (childhood sweethearts) she has got on with her life, met a new bloke and trying to get on with life. She sees the ex every weekend when we are out and about and he wont talk to her.
Author sultry33 Posted June 20, 2008 Author Posted June 20, 2008 Dont email him hun .... Give yourself both time to sort your heads out!!! I have some very good friends, my insperation is a friend of mine who split up the same time as me. She was with him for 22 years on and off (childhood sweethearts) she has got on with her life, met a new bloke and trying to get on with life. She sees the ex every weekend when we are out and about and he wont talk to her. yeah i think your right.. just that damn time thing..i guess deep down if he loves me like he still says he does then he will make iniate contact etc.. did send cheeky text yesterday and it made him laugh.. something i dont think he is doing much of latley.. i can tell that although he is busy he is sad.. your friend... 22 years that must of hurt a hell of alot.. i dont know how people can live after that let alone move on.. must be really bad that her ex dont talk to her.. he must be hurting.. my friend is divorced 4 times! and just couple weeks ago she was saying that she is happy being single.. its great blar blar.. but then following week she was with a guy and said she is going to see him.. lol i could tell she was just saying it.. i even caught her calling him asking where he was on our night out lol.. she tried to deny it.. but i said hey your human just except it.. we cannot always pratice what we preach eh.. anyway affairs of the heart dont come with rules.. god knows ive broke most of my rules.. helps though having a friend there to lean on. i guess it shows with your friend that no matter how sad.. unfair and lonely we are there is always someone hurting that bit more.. and if they can move on and be happy then we can too.. hugs to you carrie x
carrie3107 Posted June 20, 2008 Posted June 20, 2008 Im a great believer in your not happy until your happy with yourself including your own baggage. Maybe my friends ex is hurting but as a typical bloke he doesnt show it. Within 24 hours of him breaking up with my mate he was seeing an ex... Maybe sex and relationships shouldnt have been created then maybe everybody would be happy lol
Author sultry33 Posted June 20, 2008 Author Posted June 20, 2008 your friends ex.. was using distraction tecnique probably to escape his feelings.. i seen it on these forums before.. no sex or relationships? mmm that would be a dull place! maybe we should just have sex an no relationships lol i dont know im a learner.. i cant even do the kiss without thinking im cheating.. i been reading that during this time its good to date.. but i dont really see how thats good? good for ego maybe but seriously im not sure.. if you are in love surely the last thing you would be doing is dating.. im enjoying the flirting.. attention but dating is really what starts a relationship in my experience anyway.. i only date guys im interested in.. the date would just confirm if there was spark or not.. oh well , my text distraction guy texted me first yesterday lunch time saying.. "hi just thought id see if you was ok?" do you think i should text him 1st today? my 1st conversation with him in real was 1 week after my breakup.. i ended up just coming out saying.. "my bf and me was together for 4 yrs and he just left me at 3am.. no goodbye i was sleeping" he just shrugged his shoulders in disbelief.. so im surprised that now he is texting me... even though since that night seen him once.. was bit flirty to each other but thats all.. maybe the text yesterday was his way of seeing if im over it now.. you know i have no idea what to do in life.. can you tell? lol
carrie3107 Posted June 20, 2008 Posted June 20, 2008 When reading your last post we have some things in common, I walked in from work and the ex had packed his bags and took the dog with him... Nope dont text him yet see what happens.... Life is strange as a wise person said you come into the world by yourself and go out by yourself the rest is upto you to f**k it up!!!! lol Think my ex is seeing someone... I check to see when hes logged in on the xbox and he keeps signing off at 6pm. It bothers me a bit but i cant do nothing about it, and yes i know that nc means no contact what so ever but at least i know what hes sort of upto and it doesnt hurt...
Author sultry33 Posted June 20, 2008 Author Posted June 20, 2008 When reading your last post we have some things in common, I walked in from work and the ex had packed his bags and took the dog with him... Nope dont text him yet see what happens.... Life is strange as a wise person said you come into the world by yourself and go out by yourself the rest is upto you to f**k it up!!!! lol Think my ex is seeing someone... I check to see when hes logged in on the xbox and he keeps signing off at 6pm. It bothers me a bit but i cant do nothing about it, and yes i know that nc means no contact what so ever but at least i know what hes sort of upto and it doesnt hurt... nc.. mmm think we all guilty of that one.. i too can tell what my ex is upto.. i do see when he is online and sometimes i wonder but i think he would tell me.. just to get me off his back.. i said to him for me it would be over if he was with someone.. i guess if your not hurting you must be healing well.. i still dont blame him for leaving but i do feel bad that he left me.. and the way he did it.. that hurt more than anything.. he still says he hated leaving me but he had to.. i cant see his logic.. leaving the house we shared is one thing.. leaving the relationship is another.. for him it seems its all or nothing.. i hate that
carrie3107 Posted June 20, 2008 Posted June 20, 2008 Guess were both healing and all honesty i hope weve both learnt from our relationship and change for the better....
Author sultry33 Posted June 21, 2008 Author Posted June 21, 2008 hi well after a good night out.. bit too much to drink i texted him.. text 1 me.. i hate this.. i miss u so much.. i try an be strong but deep down i miss u.. people say forget him as he dont want u but i really love uan this is hard. i will give u time an space but i have not moved on please dont think that.. im doing what i think is best xxx text 2 sorry i know you prob fast asleep but i find it hard without u.. i do have others interested in me but they are not u an no matter what its u i miss.. i wish it didnt have to be this way.. why does it have to be all or nothing.. i cant move on like u seem to want me too.. i cant when i love u so much.. im not normally like this but u have my heart babe an nothing is going change that. i will not contact u again although this hurts like hell.. i need to let u go.. i know this.. im sorry i love u so much xxx its how i feel but my feelings cannot rule u . u need to do whats best for you.. they was at 3am.. yes i know it was really bad. woke up 11am.. text 3 sorry i wrote that cant be strong everyday xxx him.. u dont have to apologise.. as u said you werent drunk texting.. i know its difficult, we both know that by the conversation the other night. i i love u2 and always will.. u have begun to do things to move on and i think u should as the way things are. things arent going to change anytime soon are they so we both need to face facts xx me.. yea i know buts its hard to do.. i felt like i cheated just by kissing.. how is that right.. i would wait if i thought u wanted us to be together.. even if we dont live together.. but i think you dont want that.. what do we do now? stop all contact.. forever.. no more meeting up? its not what i want but maybe you do.. i hate that we have turned out like thisxxx him.. it hurt inside when i knew you'd been kissings others but at the same time i understood why it happened.. i cant see things changing any time soon an its not fair keeping u hanging on till things change or asking u2 as it could b days, months or yrs yet.. seeing each other now isnt going to work as already proved as you,ve already kissed others . it will only mean eventually something more will happen so im telling u to move on. from here if we,re meant to be together then fate will decide but for now thats it. its my fault im so busy but its my coping mechanism and i couldnt handle between us meeting up u having slept with someone else. take care of yourself and know i love you more xxx me.. ok i understand and its the right thing to do. i will always miss u and love u.. we tried.. if u ever need to talk please do so.. take care of yourself too ok. my heart hurts an i need to look after it so for now its goodbye sexy bum;) keep busy it will help xxx after this i was bit tearful.. but i will be ok im going out tonight so this is day one of NC for me wish me luck x
carrie3107 Posted June 23, 2008 Posted June 23, 2008 Hi hun, Hows nc going Hope you had a good weekend Went out on the drink this weekend got totally drunk.... didnt flirt with anyone. How can you tell if a man is interested in you????
Author sultry33 Posted June 23, 2008 Author Posted June 23, 2008 well its not in his kiss lol id say if he was chasing you.. calling.. texting.. or maybe going out of his way to get your attention;) yea i had good weekend thanks.. drunk too much.. ate too much.. slepot an cried too much but hell it was fun:D nc is bit tough, but im kinda relieved too.. early days really but decided it had to be done x
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