GreenEyedLady Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 I think that the BS in most cases (that I know of) wants to be the one to file... The petitioner gets to make all the demands and it puts the respondent on the defensive...
LakesideDream Posted June 13, 2008 Posted June 13, 2008 I think that the BS in most cases (that I know of) wants to be the one to file... The petitioner gets to make all the demands and it puts the respondent on the defensive... Interesting. Where I lived when the divorce came they have almost instant no fault filings (I missed the "instant divorce by an hour, the judge went home, it took us 72 hours wait over a weekend). I looked on the paperwork and the ex was listed as filing... which wasn't true. She never set foot in the court house. I picked up all the paperwork, we filled it out together, I took it all to the notary (at her work) and I returned it to the court, oh... and I paid all the fee's including over a hundred to her work friend who did the notary. It didn't matter to me at the time and still doesen't. It's just a curiousity. I'm in that 97% of men it seems.
NoIDidn't Posted June 14, 2008 Posted June 14, 2008 The petitioner gets to make all the demands and it puts the respondent on the defensive... Which still begs the question as to why the person that went through the trouble of disrespecting the marriage and family unit to get out to begin with doesn't do the filing? Wouldn't the WS rather make the demands? In most no fault states, adultery doesn't even figure in unless the WS is asking for spousal support.
OpenBook Posted June 14, 2008 Posted June 14, 2008 I think the majority of divorces occur as a result of infidelity. However, I think the stats show that it's usually women (and men) who have found out about their partner being unfaithful who want to divorce, more commonly than people in undiscovered affairs leaving without d-days. 'Leaving for the OW' isn't common. Divorcing due to infidelity with an OW isn't uncommon in the slightest. But regarding 'who files', I think a lot of this is down to the 'decency' of the H allowing the W to file. I've read about this quite a lot in the UK. It looks better, supposedly, to outsiders, that the W filed for divorce based on 'irreconcilable differences' or 'infidelity' than the H filing. So not sure which sex files more is very relevant. Based on everything I've learned here at LS - and everything I know about men - they go to great lengths to avoid looking like "the bad guy." So, to get out of their M, they treat their W's so badly that she is really left with no choice but to file. (They get around the "bad guy" thing by driving her so crazy that she becomes a raving banshee... and people sympathize with HIM when the M is dissolved.) It's passive-aggressiveness at its finest. Men are very good at it... especially when it comes to women. It's amazing how the institution of marriage can turn people into monsters with each other. The expression "There's a very fine line between love and hate" could not be better illustrated than in long-term M's. I've never been in those shoes... but I always wonder about it. Does that fine line become so blurred after awhile that the WS can no longer distinguish between the two emotions in regards to their BS? Or is there simply nothing left in the end - a complete absence of feeling? Maybe I should start a thread in the Marriage forum. Or the Divorce one.
OWoman Posted June 15, 2008 Posted June 15, 2008 Which still begs the question as to why the person that went through the trouble of disrespecting the marriage and family unit to get out to begin with doesn't do the filing? Wouldn't the WS rather make the demands? In most no fault states, adultery doesn't even figure in unless the WS is asking for spousal support. Only the BS can file on the grounds of adultery - the CS cannot file on the grounds of their own adultery. So, unless the CS has a case to file on the grounds of the BS's "unreasonable behaviour", they CAN'T file, legally. They'd need to sit it out for 2 years, at least, to file on the grounds of "irreconcilable differences". They may want to, but can't - unless they're prepared to wait a minimum of two years, or file on grounds of the BS's "unreasonable behaviour" assuming there was any.
NoIDidn't Posted June 16, 2008 Posted June 16, 2008 They may want to, but can't - unless they're prepared to wait a minimum of two years, or file on grounds of the BS's "unreasonable behaviour" assuming there was any. Just further proof that it should be just as hard to get married as it is to get divorced. And I totally agree with OpenBook. Men are so good at creating so much emotional distance in a R that the woman feels she has no choice but to walk away. And that is what he wanted all along. Based on some things my H told me when we were dating and conversations with male friends, I don't think most women decide to end a R - the man seems to always do so but never tell them.
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